there;s this man that comes through the shop. he is a little man. french. always he adresses me as "madame"; "good morning madame", "how are you madame"; and always with a slight bow.
he has a sparkle in his blue eyes that makes my mind go blank, and my heart melt. and i think he knows it.
sometimes he is in for gas, and so pulls up to the pumps.. i think it is easier to pump his gas and talk to him, as i can turn away then when i am talking to him, using the numbers as an excuse to divert my eyes..
but his eyes, his face, make me want to look at him.
the other day he came in the shop.. and so i positioned behind the counter to accept his request for choice of cigs.
my heart just flutters when i see him. it shouldnt. i know he is unavailable. i also noted that he does nothing to warrant any special attention..
he just has to pull in the lot in his pick up truck and i my heart starts racing !!
but i know it shouldnt !! i know he is unavailable !! and still my body reacts against my mind, and i turn to putty.
so, i positioned behind the counter to accept his request for choice of cigs. "accord red regular if you please madame"; he asks gently with those eyes..
frozen for no good reason, i back up toward the section of cigarettes.. but to far so i back into the shelves. the cigarettes drop from behind their covers.
i pick them up foolishly, fumbling and dropping them as i do. caught that i was not paying attention to his order, but rather, mezmorized by his being once again.
i pick up the (again) fallen cigs, and pick his from the shelf, only to hook my winter gear on the closing door of the cigarette shelves, causing it to shake more cigs to the floor.
i pick those up.. now trying to talk to him to distract of the fumbling indiot i have become because of him.
and when i am done, my mitten catches on the shelves !! causing the overflow of cigs to tumble to the floor !! yet again !!
while kicking the last pack off (umm) discreetly aside with my foot, i place his cigarettes on the counter for him..
with a sigh of surrender ??
i shake my head. even i know i look like an idiot !!
i stand up straight and smile. what else can i do ??
"madame", he grins gently as he points.. "there is a pack on the floor still"
i grin, and cover my face with my hands to not show the starting of my blushing.
and when i look up from behind my hand, he is grinning; almost as though he knows he does that to me.
it was like a scene from a movie.
worst part is for me, is i am always at my worst when i see him. not that my best is great.. but i get up at 5:30, tend to the animals, and open the shop for 6:30. and well, since being a gas_jockey, i have me shower after work, so its off with little to no mascara pending on the day, my winter gear to warrant the current -11 temperatures, and my toque. it is not a beauty queen position. i would be far out of place if i dressed up to pump gas in a gown !! being a gas_jockey is smelling of gas, oil, diesel, etc.
not that it matters. i know he is unavailable.
and yet still my body reacts against my mind, and i turn to putty.
"A 99-year-old Italian man is divorcing his wife of 77 years over an affair she had in the 1940s.
Antonio C., as he is identified, found the clandestine Second World War-era love letters a few days before Christmas, reports the U.K.'s Telegraph.
Rosa C., 96, confessed to her philandering, but the cuckolded nonagenarian demanded a divorce, according to the report.
The couple met in the 1930s, when Antonio was a soldier stationed in Rosa's hometown of Naples.
They have five children, 12 grandchildren and one great-grandchild.
Previously, the oldest man to get divorced was Briton Bertie Wood, who split from his wife Jessie in 2009, when they were both aged 98, the Telegraph said."
i have been blessed to have experienced success, had many of my dreams come true, and acquired what i thought would bring me joy. what i have learned as ive grown and evolved, is that the only true happiness comes from trusting, respectful, loving relationships. the joy from feeling connected, making a difference in someone's life is what i seek at this point. falling asleep next to your lover and waking next to your best friend is priceless.
it took me some time, and some heartache to realize that i had been a prisoner of my own beliefs and that my shackles had been made by my own hands. the strength, courage, and confidence that i have developed have come more from life's unexpected horrors, looking fear in the face and surviving, than all of the success that i had.
inspire me, allow me to respect and honor you, and i will promise to comfort you, make you feel safe, and appreciated. Walt Disney once said, "all of your dreams can come true if you but have the courage to first dream them". i have the courage to dream big and i still believe in fairy tales..
gas_jockey Blog (3)