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Love Thy Smelly Neighbor

Does anybody have that neighbor, who for some reason, doesn't believe in brushing his teeth before he goes outside to talk to people?
Everytime I go outside to either check the mail on the front porch, or to take out the trash on the back porch, I always run into that next door neighbor at some point during that day.
He just doesn't believe in waving, or nodding his head as a greeting. He just has to say something out loud, and then try to get closer to me.
I'm like, "Nah, sorry, I have to hurry up and get out of here. I'll talk to you later. I have to check on the bacon."
It's like, as soon as he said something, I smelled that funk that was almost like tear gas. I started to say out loud, "COURTESY FLUSH MAN............COURTESY FLUSH!!!!"
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Things That Make You Go Hmmmmmmm

At first thought, I didn't know whether to say that somebody is really, off-the-wall crazy, or you just need tolearn how to spell better.

I get a kick out of how people try to post memos on the bulletin or post signs, and can't spell worth a crack. They have big letters out so that everybody can see it, in big, bold type letters that is, and can't even spell the word 'the' sometimes.

What on earth is wrong with these people? They want to be demanding and can't spell worth a nickel and dime sandwich. I would have a hard time taking somebody serious in class, if they can't spell to good.

I saw this one title on some dating website from some lady. I'm sure she met, "Looking for Excitement". But instead, she put, "Looking for Excrement". What in the fiddler's toiletry was she thinking? I know she did not have dung on her mind at the time. Why didn't she check her spelling before she posted that?

She probably didn't have time to check it, because she had to go to the bathroom really bad to make an excrement. I didn't eat anything for about three days after I read that title.
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Customizing or Refining

It's funny how just about everything in a human being slows down as you get older. Not that I am experiencing this as you see, I am a young man, but I do observe people like crazy.
Your reactions are a little slower than they were before, you don't even laugh with the same rhythm anymore.
And the main thing is, when you sign something on a sheet of paper, your signature is not the same, and it's not even because you are incapable of writing.
You know when you first learn how to write in cursive, the teachers were always hard on you about making your handwriting legible. Then you write your name down on something, and it be so neat.
But the more you write your name now, the less you can understand it. Some people are so bad that they can't read their own handwriting. They be asking whose signature is this, not knowing that it's their own.
It's like at first, when you start customizing your own name in writing, you write all of the letters out in perfect cursive. Then, you write out all of the letters except the last letter. You just put a nice little line at the end of your name.
Then, as time goes on, you will soon write your name with less and less letters written out. It just be the first letter written out, then just one big line at the end of it.
That's not customizing your name anymore. It's more like refining your name. You know why we write our names out like that? BECAUSE WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF WRITING OUR FREAKING NAMES, period. wine
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A Little Ill in the Stomach

You ever noticed that when you say that something or someone is upset, you can also say that something is pissed off?

Well, when you say that your stomach is not feeling well, you would say that your stomach is upset. You never say that your stomach is pissed off.

Well except for me of coursegrin See, there is a difference. Your stomach has different ways of hurting, like when you need to vomit, or when you have done too many sit-ups, or mainly, when you are HUNGRY!!

See, when I feel nauseated, I would say that my stomach is upset, just like anybody else would say, but when I'm HUNGRY, watch out!!!! Because my stomach is pissed off.

It's coming to get you. If I was poor, that's exactly how I would say it, "Man, we don't have any money, can't buy any food, yet along eat any breakfast. Just pissing my stomach all off man!"
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Origins

You ever wonder how some of the names that we have today (whether it's the name of song or the name of a street or even the name of a restaurant), and thought about tracing that name back to it's roots as to why they named this particular thing what they named it in the first place?

Even if you can't find the true origin of it's name or who they had named this thing after, I still think it would be great to at least think that you know where that name had came from or fabricate an idea of where the name came from, just so you can believe in that idea and make the subject fun to talk about.

Like my thoughts of Old Mcdonald, they said that he had a farm...BULLCRAP!!! I just think that they had told you that in school just so that the song would be entertaining to sing as a kid. Well, it worked, but I think it would be even more entertaining to know what the truth was in what Old Mcdonald really had.

Old Mcdonald was a pimp. He was an old player, with tons of money, and women were chasing him around everywhere. Unfortunately, he caught a disease from those women. He caught VD. That's where that E-I-E-I-O part of the song came in. Those were the noises he made while he was outside taking a leak.

And I also wonder about some of these restaurants true background and how did they come up with their names. Like IHOP, I think there is a serious case of history with this one. They can easily come up with an acronym for that. They just figured out what they do much of in that restaurant and name it after that. "Hmmm....well let's see, we serve pancakes, and people eat pancakes all over the world, so we'll call it, The International House of Pancakes! Hooraayyy! We did it! We came up with a name!"

But I think that they came up with the name IHOP first. Maybe it was because when they still had slaves in this country, they feed us, but we always had shackles around our ankles, so we had to hop into a place to eat.

Another restaurant is Denny's. As you see, they place the stress on the first syllable today, but I think at one point, they had put the stress on the second syllable. I guess that was because the food was so good, that it would make you weak in Denny's (pronounced da knees).peace
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Tom and Jerry

I think that the world is full of Tom and Jerrys. Especially if you are attached to somebody or to some people. It's just like seeing the episodes on TV, on one episode, they are friends and are working together to get things done or ward off a predator, and the next episode, they're right at each other's throat.

That's exactly how most people who live under the same roof are to each other: one day, quarrelling; the next day, lovey dovey or being neutral.

What on earth is up with that?
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I Swear To God

You ever hear people end their sentences with "I swear to god"? I think that is a funny yet strong way to get somebody to stop doing something that you don't like them to do.

It's like, they don't have to finish their sentence after saying, "I swear to god". You already got the message after hearing that "I swear to god", so no further words are necessary.

I remember when I was a child and I was at a Home Depot with my mother and father, and I was carrying some box with some tools in it. And my mother would say, "Boy, if you don't put that box down, I swear to god!"

Those words carried a very strong impulse to my brain in saying that I better drop this box, and in less than .2 seconds later, I just dropped the box right on the floor,"KABOOOOOOSH!!!!" doh
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Wizard of Oz

It's funny how some of these fairy tales, or fables, and even cartoons have a way of resembling the things that goes on in real life. I mean, if you take the fiction part out of it, then you're left with reality.

My first instance in this scenario, is the Wizard of Oz. The lion, the scarecrow, the tin man, and Dorothy have went and endure all kinds of ups and downs through their journey.

You run into all kinds of people who lack certain things because of course, we are not perfect, but they can be a great too in other things. If we work together though, then we can get things accomplished.

I think that the main things that every single human being faces at some point or another, are exactly what those characters in the Wizard of Oz had went through. Your heart, your nerves and your brain are shaken every now and then, but you persevere and work together noetheless.

You don't always have the intelligence to know how or what to do in certain situations, you don't alway have the courage to face the challenges while you are moving along the road, and it makes you want to just freeze up and not want to take any part of anything. So you ask for guidance.

I wish that I could wear some twinkling shoes and wear a certain thing on my head as to say, "Don't mess with me because I am protected and I have a certain power." Or just click my heels three times and be at a place I would rather be.
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