I think in order to get through life one has to develop a thicker skin, but there comes a moment when one realizes that there is as much lost as gained and the desire to reverse or at least balance it begins. Allowing myself to become more vulnerable is a major step and all I can say, at the moment regarding vulnerability is OUCH!
I had prepared myself (I thought) that some would not even open my emails or would ignore them, some would answer with thanks but no thanks and perhaps some would be interested in pursuing another sentence or two. Nothing prepared me for "balderdash". Its not a word in my vocabulary, nor is it something that is even close to describing me, but written in caps the shouted meaning was clear. Is it even possible to be so completely misunderstood? Apparently it is, and its mean when he could have simply ignored me. He certainly has made me want to rethink the thick/thin skin idea.
I have stepped so so far out of my comfort zone that I hope I will remember where I put it. As I see it, all people and events are lessons for me to take note of and this past week has been rife with ah-ha's. Mind you not as I would have written the script, but then it rarely is.
My first lesson was that it actually mattered that no one was mad to meet me. My grown up intellect understands perfectly, but the little girl that lives within…ah well, she's not happy.
On a more amusing note, I have discovered that every gent in the British empire describes himself as laid back and easy going and walks the beach at sunset. Seriously?! I think you must be saying that because you think it's what we want to hear, because in my meanderings (and stumbles) through life I've met my share of you, and the charm when there was charm was that you ran the spectrum from profoundly intense to downright silly. Easy going is nice but so is eating sweets. Sometimes you need food.
And the last, most important lesson I've had is about the prevailing understanding of the word "intimacy". Some will come to this sight to meet their "soulmate" and others for s*xual encounter. Whatever your reason, I wish you well. But, some are looking for intimacy in a way that doesn't include the first two choices. Intimacy doesn't have to be tactile (though there is certainly no argument with that), but tactile is momentary and often fleeting. Finding and residing in the mind's intimate places is forever (nearly) and he/she is not likely to forget your name. And here's a secret for the male species, one that just about every woman on the planet has known for eons - the quickest way to a woman's pleasure is through her mind. Shocking right! No you can't just barge in; a little finesse is a good thing, but there it is, the answer to the age old question about understanding women - spend a little intimate time in her mind. And the biggest lesson for me so far is that it's just possible he doesn't exist - except of course in my mind.
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