The word romance is associated with the notion of being vulnerable in men's minds. They are conditioned to perceive being romantic as being feminine or being a wimp. Even the meaning of the word romance is confusing to men in general.
I took upon myself the task of asking the men whom I encountered in my daily life about their perceptions and definitions of the word romance and discovered that there was no distinct consensus to the concept of romance among men. One individual contemplated for a moment and then he told me that romance signifies making women feeling good at the expense of making men uncertain about their identities.
The final conclusion that I draw from my discussion with men was that they are ignorant about romance as they are about every aspect of a relationship. Watching football all afternoon means being romantic to most men. Going hunting or playing ball with a group of misfits while leaving their ladies keeping the castles clean and tidy for the return of their kings from their trips, is considered romantic by some men. Cooking and cleaning after a hard day at work while the bums sitting watching television without any consideration of offering their help to their ladies, is seen in some distorted minds of men as being romantic. Spending thousands of dollars to buy bowling or golfing equipments while being absolutely stingy when it comes to buying a bouquet of flowers for a special occasion for the ladies in their lives, is conceived in some klutz of men as being romantic. Forgetting the ladies birthdays and anniversaries among other important occasions implies in the men zucchini brains as being romantic. No wonder, women have the justified notion that men are not romantic.
Women whom I encountered expressed their perceptions of romance in a manner that one can draw a common conclusion. The majority of women to whom I posed the question concerning their definitions and their perceptions of romance indicated that they wish to be appreciated, made feel wonderful about their feminine and mental assets and not be taken for granted. Some implied that being given flowers from time to time is conceived as being romantic. Preparing a candle lit dinners for two is perceived as being romantic. Buying an expensive gift and wrapping it nicely to present it to one’s lady would be considered romantic. Walking hand in hand while absorbing the beauty of nature is another manner in which a man can display his romanticism. The problems pertinent to the question of being romantic or not are originated from the variance of the perception of what would be considered romantic among the man and the woman in a relationship.
One must be honest and talk about every aspect of a relationship, including romance upon meeting for the first time and continue the discussion of their expectations from one another concerning being romantic, if the circumstances arise and they become a couple. The apprehension of discussing these issues for the fear of scaring one off, will lead to a disastrous relationship in which the woman, the man or both lack fulfillment of their romantic notions. We are conditioned to be too cautious and afraid to open up which leads to being imprisoned within walls of fear and caution. We wait for the right time, in our conditioned minds to talk freely and when that time arrives for opening up, it is too late because one is too involved to risk it all by opening up. Another factor that leads to the disappointment from the women, men or both sides concerning the fulfillment of the romantic notions within them is the pretension of being romantic that is assumed by the man or the woman to entice the other during the span of their courtship. Both the man and the woman should be completely truthful and be themselves from day one to avoid the heartaches that would result from falling in love with the person the other pretending to be.
Creating a healthy environment for a mutually satisfying relationship became the most hard and tedious task that a couple has to face in the complicated society in which we live.
Nowadays, divorce is the norm and everlasting relationships are perceived as one of the wonderful memories of ancient history. One must wonder: Is there any hope that the human race will be capable of conquering the domain of relationships between the two genders by simplifying its concept? The answer seems to be disappointing considering the emphasis, which the media is putting upon the failure of relationships. Most sitcoms on Television have among their principal characters divorced or legally separated couples.
After much soul searching, I came up with criteria that one could use to evaluate one’s relationship with the opposite gender. One can claim enjoying the magical wonders of being in a mutually satisfying relationship if the couple succeeds in accomplishing the following:
Enhancing each other’s life not altering it
Respecting and believing in each other’s ideas and beliefs not
putting them down
Filling each other’s heart with joy and laughter
Stimulating each other mentally, satisfying one another
physically and evolving together spiritually
Accepting each other as they are and never attempting to change one another
Permitting each other the chance to have space
Appreciating each other all the time not only on special occasion
The elements of a successful relationship vary from one individual to the next and should not be taken as recipe for guaranteed success in one’s relationship with the opposite gender. Each couple can sit down, when they meet and start courting each other, to define their own criteria for a mutually satisfying relationship. They should discuss and decide upon the important aspects that they wish to have in their relationship.
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