wow, more space to write, lol...
I wonder at times when I seek inside for answers... How I connect with others on personal levels, and still keep solitude.
My hardest work is acceptance of help in any way...so ingrained in my mind and heart is a lifetime of being slapped down...
Realistically, I know so many more have it far worse than I. Yet, I am inside this life. I live inside this flesh...and, I live within the reality that surrounds me...
I hide my pain, and tears from others... Guilt makes it so, and the deepest feeling of being unworthy of a single thing...
I know this not to be true. I understand the process that got me here... Yet, to carve out that tainted seed so buried deep within I cannot reach without destroying myself in the hunt for the poisons.
So, here I am...
I am in pain. I am ill, and have few days of wellness...
I sucks so bad! And, beware of pity of myself...lest life give me more...
Like hushhhhhhhhh.
covered mouth holds back
screams so loud
if uttered forth
it might hear me
and, doomed to more, I would be?
Yes, truth hurts as well..inner truth.
I hold a hand, and take into heart.
But, say goodness in truth from another to me. I sink inside myself...
Hand shy. And, how to learn to stop this thing...? I don't know. I can only be in this moment for now...
So, chin up, ol' gal!
I won't say, "it's not that easy..." I will say it hurts...
TabooN Blog (1)