The paradox continues because there is not better opportunity that this intimate relationship potentially destructive to meet with ourselves and to destroy our habitual masks. This way, many times, we finish solving this paradox avoiding the suffering, impeding us the love and depriving us of the intimate encounter. In our intent of say no to the pain say not to the love. And what is worse, we say no to ourselves.
The problem is presented when we identify ourselves with our armor and we feel sure there. We protect ourselves of our feelings learning how to not feeling, to we disconnect of our necessities, and the defenses are converting in a wall that separates us of what we feel and it impedes us the love.
I don't believe that it is necessary to masquerade of strong so that the other love me. If I make it, I will never know if he will be able to love me how I am: vulnerable, weak, as any human
Is true, that it is not easy show us with our fears or our vulnerability, for example. But if I am vulnerable (and of course that all we are) I need to accept my vulnerability to be present and to continue ahead. In that moment we can observe the true fight that it is raised in our interior among the part that wants to expand, to go toward out, to be shown, and the part that wants to hide because is afraid of being disqualified, unloved, abandoned and rejected.
And in this road we constantly get rich, because we come closer more and more to ourselves that it is the only way to feel good, feel love, peace and happiness; the things that we are looking for. Because we all look for to feel good, the problem is that sometimes we take inadequate ways.
This text not is mine, but i want to share with all, is a text of a man, Jorge Bucay (doctor), but he speak spanish, and I with love a dedication I traslate to all yours my dear singles the next text.
All relationship in which we can open us and to achieve encounter and affection belongs to the most wonderful things that we can experiment; we look for in her contact, love, intimacy, because they are these the situations that most enrich us, those that make us feel alive, those that fill us with power and of desires.
The paradox begins when we realize that at the same time are these relationships those that provoke us bigger suffering and bigger pain, more than any other one. When we open us to the other to the intimacy, to the love, to the encounter, we also expose us to suffer and to feel pain.
The power that naturally pushes us to allow us to take for our emotions and to generate the encounter, faces it with the natural tendency to take care for not suffering, because we sense, with certainty that if we open us to a person this will grant to the other one the possibility to hurt us. We all have a personality, an armor that want to take that risk of being hurt and therefore it closes.
The kid needs the love of the parents and he goes organizing his personality to get that love. If I see that they give me more attention when I am weak, I will organize a personality around the weakness. If I see that they become proud when I am independent, I will organize a strong personality, I will say to myself that I can alone or that I don't need help. The personality that we create is good to work and to achieve that they love us. We build a mask and we identify ourselves with her, we go forgetting of who we are and what we truly want. We are representing actors, working as programmed robots, and suddenly the miracle happens... we take out and broke our disguises and we give our presence to that of the one that we fall in love.
When we fall in love, the nature of the love takes us in a first moment to open us and to connect us with our true personality. This is a thing to makes the love is so wonderful, because gives us the opportunity to open us, and showing us such which are.
We know that this doesn't last a lot, before or later the obstacles, the tendencies, the habits, the defences appear. It would be good to learn that the only way to overcome these obstacles is to be there with them instead of to deny them or to project them in our partner.
Love and intimacy only can be given when we open us to somebody; but this is impossible if we are with the armor, locked in our castle or hidden in our structure.
Neither it is question of discarding this personality; we have built it to be able to face some difficulties of the life. The idea is to observe it, to know it and to realize when it plays us in against interrupting the true contact.
TO BE CONINUED IN THE NEXT BLOG "About Relationships II"
lester3 Blog (2)