Larry is in the
Hospital......
Who in the hec is Larry?
Well Larry is this guy
who gets home late one night
and Linda , his wife, says
" where the hec have you been?"
Larry replies " I was out getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo?" ahe frowned,
what kind of tattoo did you get?
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my
privates" he said proudly...
" What the hec were you thinking"? she said,
shaking her head in disgust.
"Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant
get a hundred dollar bill tattoed on his privates?"
"Well, one, i like to watch my money grow,
Two, once in a while i like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, Instead of you going out shopping,
you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred
bucks anytime you want."
LARRY IS IN THE ROYAL ADDELAIDE HOSPITAL
CRITICAL CARE UNIT, ROOM 233
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., and a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up And cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted Solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him..
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo Clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed Three times, then said 'oh shit.' And it Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its Throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
over 1200 died it that massive typhoon
my sympathy goes out to all there
who on this site believe this?
believe only half of what you see and nothing of what you hear
you only see pics and profiles, so are most true or only hear say?
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only
one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini
skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down
when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had
to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check
the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she
whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once
before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last
wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight
to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for
a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car
A young boy goes up to his father and asks him, 'Dad, what is the difference between "potentially" & "realistically"?'
He thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars ...
But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.
WHO HAS THE MOST FINGER PRINTS, THE FBI OR THE ETA?
I have been a member here for quite some time andf i haver noticed that the majority of women that are from the Uk and east to europe have blocked who can contact them but over in the USA the majority is unblocked
Do scammers target mostly european women?
bblewis Blog (8)