Something I wrote in a very dark time of my life.. (10)
jonntLost in the Woods, East Sussex, England UK47 Threads 3,691 PostsInteresting
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Being constructive here.......Woeful grammar!
If sentences are not short, concise and grammatically correct, it makes the whole very difficult to read and absorb. People tend to lose interest in reading it, if you do this.
Your sentences ran into each other, if they stopped at all. This is definitely not good!
The content kind of leaps about a bit, from one thought to the next, in a kind of skittish way. This interrupts the flow of the narrative. To be honest though, if the sentences were constructed properly, this wouldn't have been an issue at all I believe.
It reads like an outlet for feelings, like a diary (journal) entry. If that is all you wanted then that is fine. None of the above really matters.
If, however, you want to eventually publish pieces like this, then you need to heed the innards of the language.
Hope this helps.
If sentences are not short, concise and grammatically correct, it makes the whole very difficult to read and absorb. People tend to lose interest in reading it, if you do this.
Your sentences ran into each other, if they stopped at all. This is definitely not good!
The content kind of leaps about a bit, from one thought to the next, in a kind of skittish way. This interrupts the flow of the narrative. To be honest though, if the sentences were constructed properly, this wouldn't have been an issue at all I believe.
It reads like an outlet for feelings, like a diary (journal) entry. If that is all you wanted then that is fine. None of the above really matters.
If, however, you want to eventually publish pieces like this, then you need to heed the innards of the language.
Hope this helps.
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I note that you are a Gemini and many Geminis gravitate to the arts such as acting, music, writing because they are so good at communication.
I too have written a few things and yes, I do have to agree with Ginger in punctuation and the danger of hopping back and forth.
One has to step back and read what was just penned and view it with fresh eyes and not with eyes of the author. Does it read well? Does it make sense? Does it get over what I am trying to portray? Does it need culling or expanding?
Keep writing though....
I too have written a few things and yes, I do have to agree with Ginger in punctuation and the danger of hopping back and forth.
One has to step back and read what was just penned and view it with fresh eyes and not with eyes of the author. Does it read well? Does it make sense? Does it get over what I am trying to portray? Does it need culling or expanding?
Keep writing though....
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GingerBe: Being constructive here.......Woeful grammar!
If sentences are not short, concise and grammatically correct, it makes the whole very difficult to read and absorb. People tend to lose interest in reading it, if you do this.
Your sentences ran into each other, if they stopped at all. This is definitely not good!
The content kind of leaps about a bit, from one thought to the next, in a kind of skittish way. This interrupts the flow of the narrative. To be honest though, if the sentences were constructed properly, this wouldn't have been an issue at all I believe.
It reads like an outlet for feelings, like a diary (journal) entry. If that is all you wanted then that is fine. None of the above really matters.
If, however, you want to eventually publish pieces like this, then you need to heed the innards of the language.
Hope this helps.
I loose interest in reading ANYTHING that has more than ten lines.......If sentences are not short, concise and grammatically correct, it makes the whole very difficult to read and absorb. People tend to lose interest in reading it, if you do this.
Your sentences ran into each other, if they stopped at all. This is definitely not good!
The content kind of leaps about a bit, from one thought to the next, in a kind of skittish way. This interrupts the flow of the narrative. To be honest though, if the sentences were constructed properly, this wouldn't have been an issue at all I believe.
It reads like an outlet for feelings, like a diary (journal) entry. If that is all you wanted then that is fine. None of the above really matters.
If, however, you want to eventually publish pieces like this, then you need to heed the innards of the language.
Hope this helps.
maybe thats why I am soooooo narrow minded huh------ This thread is Archived ------
davpk10: I loose interest in reading ANYTHING that has more than ten lines....... maybe thats why I am soooooo narrow minded huh
You? Narrow minded?
Never!!! 
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Being saved from the darkness by an angel. You are looking for someone to save you. Good luck with that. But, very nice, keep writing.
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GingerBe: You? Narrow minded? Never!!!
I do try not to be 
.... 
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davpk10: I do try not to be ....
Stop trying. You are doing fine!
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Shazam0527:
Something I wrote in a very dark time of my life..
I find it very therapeutic to write feelings down into words. I've always wanted to be a writer. Let me know what you think of this one.
Unwritten sleep
...
Something I wrote in a very dark time of my life..
I find it very therapeutic to write feelings down into words. I've always wanted to be a writer. Let me know what you think of this one.
Unwritten sleep
...
Very heartfelt and touching
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GingerBe: Being constructive here.......Woeful grammar!
If sentences are not short, concise and grammatically correct, it makes the whole very difficult to read and absorb. People tend to lose interest in reading it, if you do this.
Your sentences ran into each other, if they stopped at all. This is definitely not good!
The content kind of leaps about a bit, from one thought to the next, in a kind of skittish way. This interrupts the flow of the narrative. To be honest though, if the sentences were constructed properly, this wouldn't have been an issue at all I believe.
It reads like an outlet for feelings, like a diary (journal) entry. If that is all you wanted then that is fine. None of the above really matters.
If, however, you want to eventually publish pieces like this, then you need to heed the innards of the language.
Hope this helps.
If sentences are not short, concise and grammatically correct, it makes the whole very difficult to read and absorb. People tend to lose interest in reading it, if you do this.
Your sentences ran into each other, if they stopped at all. This is definitely not good!
The content kind of leaps about a bit, from one thought to the next, in a kind of skittish way. This interrupts the flow of the narrative. To be honest though, if the sentences were constructed properly, this wouldn't have been an issue at all I believe.
It reads like an outlet for feelings, like a diary (journal) entry. If that is all you wanted then that is fine. None of the above really matters.
If, however, you want to eventually publish pieces like this, then you need to heed the innards of the language.
Hope this helps.
Actually, I wrote it that way intentionally. Just an outpouring of emotions and actions. I am very well spoken/written and understand grammar. This was just my "form" of writing for this piece. Everything about it is supposed to be "wrong".. :) It doesn't particularly have any real basis, its just a fictional piece.
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Created: May 2010
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