Ultimatums (10)

Recently I was chatting with a gentleman and we seem to have a fair bit in common. It came down to moving from here to the next medium, which is a natural progression.

As a woman, I'm very cautious of exposing myself to people online. So naturally, I prefer to go from here to a chat messenger to further learn about this new person.

I'm unsure what his thoughts were but he gave me an ultimatum of "Either we meet for coffee or not. But if you don't meet me then it's over"

I think the next part is self-evident.

Have you ever done that? Would you do that to someone?

Let me approach this from a different angle because I have been dealing with this very issue.
I think for men it is not a matter of moving fast because we are looking for one nighters. But Michelle is bang on about meeting so both parties can get a feel for one another. I know from past personal experience that it was easy to get a woman to chat with me online but it seems to be very difficult to get that person to meet even in a public setting. I would never give that ultimatum but it is frustrating when you like someone who you have been chatting with but she is cautious to get together. I think I wanted things to move quicker then they normally had because of the competition. I think guys know that if they can't meet a woman and show her what they am really like she may lose interest in the chat thing and move onto someone else that might be a little bit better at wooing her. So that is why I think some guys want to meet as soon as possible. I would say this applies more to a situation where the man has a strong interest in the woman he is chatting with.

and that makes good sense as well canuckken. I've met people offline and realized that there was no click but knowing that there can be that difference, it's wise to proceed slowly until you have met.

We had only exchanged 4-5 emails and while I can appreciate men "feel" there is a lot of competition, if the man isn't secure in himself, then I especially don't want to continue chatting to him.

In this day and age, I believe it's important to "screen" people to see if there are any "red flags" that pop up while chatting. ie drinks daily, hates women etc Especially from the net. So I follow my process and seldom deviate from it.

Amazing the number of folks you just keep on going past

You do what works for you Privateluvr but do not assume the competition idea that I mentioned has to do with insecurity. The fact is I was speaking for myself and I am anything but insecure. I was simply expressing an idea based on what some men might see as a logical reason for wanting to meet instead of just exchanging a bunch of emails or even chatting on cam. Those things are good but I don't really think they are enough to get a feel for someone.

Hey Cannucken I wasn't implying you were insecure so sorry if it offended you. Not intentional at all.

I meant it as a "control" tactic on their part

I was not offended Pirateluvr and I knew what you meant so no worries there.