Noah's Ark (4)

Noah 2010

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, now living in Ireland , and said: Once again the earth has become wicked, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing long with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start
the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.


Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, but things have changed.


I need Bord Pleanala approval.


I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.


My neighbours claim that I've violated zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We have to go to an appeals tribunal.

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines to reach the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.


Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the red squirrel.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the squirrels - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.


Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the ICTU over using Polish carpenters on my building crew.


Now immigration are checking the status of all the people on the job.


The trades unions insist that I hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.


To make matters worse, NAMA seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally.


So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.


Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.


Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.


'Fianna Fail beat me to it.'