Ask me something (68)

ohk that one is pretty deep!
but having my own kids and being separated I have looked into it...
a very young child should be with their primary care giver for a significant amount of time with short visitations with the other parent, going from place to place too much could cause dependency disorders through confusion. If possible the other parent should try to spend as much time in the childs primary home (or even just meet ups down the park) to spend as much time with them without separating them from their primary caregiver too much. Each year as they get older they should be able to spend more time away from the primary care giver and more time with their other parent, this is where it would get difficult though with 5 children as there would a significant age difference between the kids so you need to account for the bonds they share with their siblings, say if you had a 2 yr old and an 8 yr old, the younger one should only be having day visits where the older one should be looking at a few nights, so here you would wonder what the impact would be on the sibling bond if you were separating them, especially in the rivalry department as the younger one realizes the older one is spending more time with the other parent.
The important thing though is to try to create a sense of stability and security for the child, if they know their parents have an issue with how much time they get it blows the security right out of the water.
Personally my older child has 50% access, one week here one week with her dad, its been like this for a few years now but she is entering her teen years so I'm preparing for the fact she might need changes to her access. In all honesty her father probably spends more time with her than I do as hes often ringing up on my week and asking to take her swimming or out to lunch, or asking to have her back a couple days early so they can take a holiday. I dont mind because I dont count the minutes, I count the quality of our time, plus she has a little brother over there they only have 20% access to so i know hes trying to ensure they see each other as much as possible and that is important for her.
I learned not to ask for unscheduled days though, it's always a flat no. I deal with it, no point getting spiteful it only makes it harder for the child, besides we have regular contact by phone and over the net. Sad to say but while her father is a bit hung up over the amount of time they spend together, it seems she feels more secure in my care, its not because she loves me more, its because she knows im content and that brings security, while her fathers not content in sharing her it adds an edge to their relationship.
My younger daughter has no involvement with her father so she is here 100% this has been both positive and negative to her relationship with her sister, on one hand the typical sibling fights you normally see are few and far between because they get time apart and appreciate the time they get together, however there is the occasional tug of war as the older recognizes the younger one gets me all the time while she only gets me half the time, but it hasnt become a big problem between them.
I dont think there's any straight answer, we need to look at each childs personal situation and it varies from household to household, we cant get it exactly right but we can try our best to recognize our childs changing needs over our own natural desires to be with our child as much as possible

if you follow darwins theory of evolution then the chicken of course
if you follow some kind of faith then both were magically placed here by a loving yet vengeful hand which is about to perform its final act of judgment at 6pm tonight (i dunno what it is for our time though)

Ah normal you take my breath away with visions like that lol.
I havnt found an answer yet to partnerships, how ever I am learning and refining how I go about it, Ive learned its one thing to want people to love us for who we are, and that is so important because I wouldnt want someone to love me for a fake version of me, but we need to be open to make changes and compromise because theres no way we will meet someone exactly like us, so we need to be willing to evaluate where we are happy to change.
I have strong values but I'm open to compromise so long as the other party is too.
I was starting to get a little stuck in my ways and i realized if i cant bend a little for a partner and work with them, if i expect they will conform to my ways only, then its all one sided and not a real working relationship, not to mention they will probably think im stuck up and not worth their time lol.
I'm learning not to have expectations either, if we go out on a few dates with people and expect something to develop and theres nothing there...well I dont want to end up bitter and thinking its never going to happen, though I say that I do still struggle with it, its not a perfect science.
I'm finding im a little wary about meeting people on the net, sure here I am, but ive had some bad experiences as im sure most have, I'd love to just meet a friend of a friend and get to know them personally, but i really dont get out much, hence ive changed it up a little and trying to get to know people online rather than just picking them out to go on a date with cause we shared a single joke and liked the chemistry that came of it

That's the problem, internet dating is so sloooooooow.
Could be here next year talking about the same BS.
Couldn't think of anything worse to be doing than that.
I'm hopefully in a relationship before then and traveling with my lover to some exotic destination in Feb when the shop has it's slack period.

Normal and Morgan sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage

I have 40% care.

You asked the question.

awww, how cute, and funnily enough I could imagine you pushing around another bambino.