dating with an ex ( Archived) (12)

ok i got one, i am single and want to date i also have a 7 year old son and an ex from hell ( or i the ex from hell?) i never got that one right, anyway we have joint cost and so she will be apart of my life for some time now and this is making dating hard. help anyone.

well now i guess i should be blessed my ex isnt around so i dont have that problem


hope things work with you

true and i am a good father to my son, not to sure if im a good ex,lol.

Well technically until your son reaches at least the age of 18. Other jurisdiction probably prohibits you from leaving a 50 mile radius of the Mother. However, under certain circumstances your Ex would be permitted to leave the radius. It's just a fact of life.

Problem is, too many individuals find that the relationship failed, and the ensuing need to find compromise in this situation is deemed impossible. With the 'right' individual, the Ex won't be deemed a threat, as the Ex is exactly that, an Ex. Immaturity plays a huge factor in the governing of conduct around the child.

Most of the impact that would dictate Mom and Dad's relationship to the Son has likely already been decided. Children don't like conflict, they are generally capable of identifying it, but they just don't deal with it well. It's only a problem if you or your makes it a problem. Far too many relationships fail for lack of an ability to compromise, don't let your Son be on the receiving end of the negativity of future dealings, there's a good chance he's been through enough.

Here's where conflict arises, too many custody battles ensue over one of the parents being right, or winning the affection of the child. It's irregardless as long as the child is affirmed and loved, and it's understood that Mom and Dad on those levels weren't able to work out differences.

Depending on the reasons for the end or demise of the relationship, jealousy tends to occur when one of the Ex partners enters a new relationship. This isn't always the case, but does happen... It's easiest to remember we're all human, we all have faults, but how we handle those faults in relation to our problems, in creating a viable solution that meets the needs of everyone involved is what breeds compromise, respect in a situation that normally would be devoid of it, and tends to help ease tension.

It's not something you can hide, and needs to be explained to a potential future significant other. Slander, slur... just aren't swell. Elevation of thought, wisdom, and learning from past failures hopefully helps us keep from repeating the same mistake. It always takes two, no matter the situation, and it's hard to accept we did anything wrong, but ultimately the question to ask...

What did I do wrong that caused this breakdown? Is there a way to accept responsibility, personal or otherwise for the termination, and at least elevate the problem to a friends levels to ease tension?
Am I blocking possible resolution by being too rigid, hard or unwilling?

Example... if someone lies to you, you need to look at yourself and figure out what you are doing in relation to them that caused them to feel as though needed to lie? Hence with any emotion, or response that would be considered negative. What have I done to cause this? Negotiate, mediate, and be open to finding an answer. This may mean you have to have long open discussions with your Ex. But if you show you are willing to look and work towards an answer to the problem of custody, then your Ex may be more willing to compromise with you, easing your battle with dating.

If your Ex is in another relationship, be aware, there may be other pressures for their partner. Circumstances are often reflections of others we are misperceiving in ourselves through bias. Filters prevent clarity in understanding, if you're willing to work towards a solution in physical presence, there should be no reason one cannot be found. I wish you well.

Peace.

sweetheart ya gotta use less verbage!!!!


i have not had coffee yet!!!

and remember???? these folks need you to speak their language



( not the one we usually use).....



he just simply needs to be discerning and discreet and NEVER NEVER NEVER use the ex to fill in as babysitter!! many things are better left unsaid....keep it so.

Ummm... Akdo... verbage? Grumble... Simplicity has been something I struggled with then, you'd think over this time, the mind would unwind... but verily... However, I have met 7 year olds that can articulate verbosity to this degree.

right on, so 50 miles you say. i hope this works both ways for i moved from charleston sc to palm springs ca to be in balins life ( my son ) becouse she wanted to move out here, thats like 3000 miles or so. could i have stoped her? could i if she wants to do it again?

wow, i really like the way you think.