Why isn't Candor Appreciated? (254)
tafini20Toronto, Ontario Canada8 Threads 286 PostsEXACTLY!
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I had an abusive father. I've never had an abusive boyfriend or husband. I used to put up with a lot more crap (i.e., lying and cheating) from men than I used to...or, I should say, I didn't exactly "put up" with it ...could you imagine ME putting up with anything of the sort?? LOL..but...I didn't walk away from it as quickly as I should.
I used to think..."Oh, but if I do anything to piss him off, he'll leave me." Of course, I didn't let that go on for very long, but to even tolerate it for one day is too much, if you ask me.
I don't think in this general context we're talking about "abusive" relationships. We're talking about the integrity and the lack thereof.
Again, you cannot predict whether or not someone is going to lie, or what they're lying about when they do lie to you, UNTIL you've been lied to.
There is no preventive measure for this, other than to lock yourself in your room.
There is no way that a person can be held responsible, accountable, or blamed for how they could be "attracting" liars or cheaters when the action is not evident UNTIL it's been committed.
I guarantee you that the men I've dated who lied to me or cheated on me have done the same thing to practically every woman they've encountered. It's about THEIR behavior, not about MINE.
I used to think..."Oh, but if I do anything to piss him off, he'll leave me." Of course, I didn't let that go on for very long, but to even tolerate it for one day is too much, if you ask me.
I don't think in this general context we're talking about "abusive" relationships. We're talking about the integrity and the lack thereof.
Again, you cannot predict whether or not someone is going to lie, or what they're lying about when they do lie to you, UNTIL you've been lied to.
There is no preventive measure for this, other than to lock yourself in your room.
There is no way that a person can be held responsible, accountable, or blamed for how they could be "attracting" liars or cheaters when the action is not evident UNTIL it's been committed.
I guarantee you that the men I've dated who lied to me or cheated on me have done the same thing to practically every woman they've encountered. It's about THEIR behavior, not about MINE.
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I made my point...for which (some) will understand.
You are like a Rock and a Hard Place!! Luckily for me, I just found a soft place, to which I shall excaped this polluted journey!!!
Tafini
You are like a Rock and a Hard Place!! Luckily for me, I just found a soft place, to which I shall excaped this polluted journey!!!
Tafini
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I dont know that I have ever heard the word, candor, but I wil try to learn it.
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It is????? OMG, without you pointing that out for me I never would have known that.
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That's where you are wrong. You assumed that I included you in the group of unhealthy people.
First off, I have no business including you or anyone else in any group. I don't even know you.
I can only speak for myself.
I use the word unhealthy. It does not mean mentally unstable in my book. I am far from that catagory. (well sometimes)
Unhealthy to me, is where I I I, have things about me that I need to look at, or change, or in denial about..
AGAIN, I am talking about me!!!!!!
Unhealthy behavior, actions, or thinking.
MYSELF doing a same behavior over and over and expecting different result is more like it..
First off, I have no business including you or anyone else in any group. I don't even know you.
I can only speak for myself.
I use the word unhealthy. It does not mean mentally unstable in my book. I am far from that catagory. (well sometimes)
Unhealthy to me, is where I I I, have things about me that I need to look at, or change, or in denial about..
AGAIN, I am talking about me!!!!!!
Unhealthy behavior, actions, or thinking.
MYSELF doing a same behavior over and over and expecting different result is more like it..
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You made a sweeping generalization, at first.
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In my very first post, I did write I in the beginning of most of my sentences..(meaning me).
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It's always about her - don't you know?
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Stage left....*curtain opens in 5*
Now take a bow.......
Now take a bow.......
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No, it is not "about me." It's about the topic in general. I make reference to my own personal experiences, of course, but I am by no means the only one who has experienced this type of treatment from men. What? You think I'm the only woman who's ever been lied to?
yeah, of COURSE, if I get lied to, it MUST be my fault; I MUST be doing something to "cause it."
Typical thinking coming from men such as you.
yeah, of COURSE, if I get lied to, it MUST be my fault; I MUST be doing something to "cause it."
Typical thinking coming from men such as you.
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wrong
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Your post said: (caps for emphasis)
"I have to agree with alot of what you said.
WE attract people as heatlthy or unhealthy as we are. The more WE grow the better chances are of attracting healthier people.
I do understand what you mean by WE are AT FAULT if others continue to lie and do us wrong. I haven't always looked at it this way, but over the years I understand and agree.
It wasn't easy to realize that I am AT FAULT MORE THAN the other person..due to putting myself in that situation..(here you used *I*)
WE are RESPONSIBLE and HAVE A PART IN in everything that happens to us. It does not mean we are stupid, or less intelligent. It just means if it happens more than once, that WE need to take a real good look at ourselves.
I don't like being lied to or cheated on. But I try hard not to call others scumbags. They are doing what their use to or how they were brought up..(for whatever reasons).. and it is up to me to not fall into it, or to not get upset with them if I do...
("They're doing what they're used to or how they were brought up (for whatever reasons)" and then saying, "it is up to me to not fall into it, nor to get upset with them if I do..."
WHAT???? I can't believe how you could even begin to think like this. How in the world could you be so exonerating? If that's not excusing bad behavior, I don't know what is.
And your use of the word "we" and "us" throughout this entire thread, was what I responded to, and I responded, of course, from a personal perspective. I don't think many women would agree that it's "up to (them) to not fall into it, nor to get upset with them if (they) do."
I mean, hey, if you want to not only condone that kind of behavior from men, but then turn around and blame YOURSELF for it happening, more power to ya.
"I have to agree with alot of what you said.
WE attract people as heatlthy or unhealthy as we are. The more WE grow the better chances are of attracting healthier people.
I do understand what you mean by WE are AT FAULT if others continue to lie and do us wrong. I haven't always looked at it this way, but over the years I understand and agree.
It wasn't easy to realize that I am AT FAULT MORE THAN the other person..due to putting myself in that situation..(here you used *I*)
WE are RESPONSIBLE and HAVE A PART IN in everything that happens to us. It does not mean we are stupid, or less intelligent. It just means if it happens more than once, that WE need to take a real good look at ourselves.
I don't like being lied to or cheated on. But I try hard not to call others scumbags. They are doing what their use to or how they were brought up..(for whatever reasons).. and it is up to me to not fall into it, or to not get upset with them if I do...
("They're doing what they're used to or how they were brought up (for whatever reasons)" and then saying, "it is up to me to not fall into it, nor to get upset with them if I do..."
WHAT???? I can't believe how you could even begin to think like this. How in the world could you be so exonerating? If that's not excusing bad behavior, I don't know what is.
And your use of the word "we" and "us" throughout this entire thread, was what I responded to, and I responded, of course, from a personal perspective. I don't think many women would agree that it's "up to (them) to not fall into it, nor to get upset with them if (they) do."
I mean, hey, if you want to not only condone that kind of behavior from men, but then turn around and blame YOURSELF for it happening, more power to ya.
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