Any good jokes???? (35)

Three vampires go into a bar..sit down..waitress comes over to take their drink order...first vampire says...I would like some blood ah ah ah ( ITS BETTER IF YOU CAN DO the vampire voice lol), anyhow second vampire says...that sounds good I would like some blood too.....third vampire says....well I am driving...I would like some plasma....the waitress goes back to the bar and says to the bartender....see those three vampires over there.....for them I need ....SCROLL DOWN



















TWO BLOODS AND A BLOOD LIGHT

How do you piss off winnie the pooh Stick to fingers in hes hunny

Miss Piggy was giving Kermit the frog a little mouth-loving wink wink nod nod...and was being quite noisy....Fozzie bear was walking by and heard the sounds of "distress" coming from the room...concerned for Miss Piggy..Fozzie knocked on the door and said Miss Piggy, Miss Piggy are you OK?????????????? she coughed a few times, sputtered, and then composed herself and said oh yes Fozzie bear I am fine, I just have a little frog in my throat today

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Three roommates living together arive home after a night of partying the red head says you know you have really had a good night when you come home and your make-up is a smeared all over your face

The blond says no you know you have had a good night when you come home and your clothes ar inside out and backwards

the brunette giggles and pulls off her underwear and throws them at the wall and they stick and says "now thats when you have had a good night"

I thought that was how you checked if pasta was done

Hey no offence to any blonde ladies, just a blonde joke.

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a Blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep,husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair -- given that you are blind --that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

What's black and white and red all over?
















A zebra with a sunburn

The Crocheted Doll
>>
>> A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
>>
>>They had shared everything
>>
>>
>>They had talked about everything.
>>
>>
>>They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old
>>woman
>>had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her
>>husband never to open or ask her about.
>>
>>For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
>>one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she
>>would
>>not recover.
>>
>>In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down
>>the shoe
>>box and took it to his wife's bedside.
>>
>>She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the
>>box.
>>
>>
>>When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of
>>money totaling $95,000.
>>
>>He asked her about the contents.
>>
>>"When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me
>>the
>>secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if
>>I ever
>>got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
>>
>>The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
>>Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry
>>with him
>>two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst
>>with
>>happiness. "But what about all of this money? Where did it come
>>from?"
>>
>>Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
>>
>> ---For all men with a good sense of humor
>>
>>Women will love this.
>>
>> A Prayer...... .
>>
>> Dear Lord,
>> I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
>> Love to forgive him;
>> And Patience for his moods;
>> Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
>> I'll beat him to death.
>> And I don't know how to crochet.
>>
>> Amen!