What happen?? (4)

Familiarity breeds contempt"


Do you know me!?

Wow that was awesome to see I grew up with a father that was alcoholic and there was so much drama going on.
Who needed excitement there was so much excitement at home that I preferred peaceful quiet time than to go party.
So for me I became calm natured introverted but for the people out side me I sought extroverted out going.
However those extroverted out going people that partied like my ex progressively became total junkies that greatest achievement is how much they can lose in a single week physically and internally.
I prefer a trip to wonderland than to go to a bar watching people get drunk and into fights for excitement.
I am a pack rat when I own something it's mine I paid full cost for it damn if I am going to sell it to a pawn shop or someone for less than I got it for might as well keep it.
When I was younger my attraction to more wild people made me think their was something wrong with me.
They didn't help neither come take some of this it will help you be more up but I had to get total to let go or I would just sit there feeling guilty like I was letting myself down.
As a child I would look at my father screaming at my mother or hitting her and say I will never be like that than I would hear my mom say stop drinking look what alcohol does to you than I said I will never drink.
While my friends and girlfriend were partying haven't great times or appearing to have great times I was dwelling in remorse for doing what I said I wouldn't do throughout my childhood from nearly the time I began memory.
What a trip I had grown up but now I see it all clearly I don't drink I don't do drugs I have no desire to at all.
I am not in recovery I just choice not to drink or drug because I seen too much negativity as a result of such doings.
So when I do drink or drug I don't get that uplifting effect that I hear about and see in others.
I get depressed remorseful guilt shame sensations I can do without and don't need to feel.
However when I am somber I have learned to become more extroverted through the years and age that now I can go to a bar and hit the dance floor mingle with people play pool scream at a concerts call for blood at wwf etc etc.
I don't need people like my ex anymore nor want them at all I need people like me that can have fun somber and keep their stuff and have a conflict without being enraged that are calm but yet can let go at a concert or at the beach.

We are attracted to what is comfortable especially when we are too young and blind to see what that is!