serendipity ( Archived) (5)

I really don’t know where to start. I have no clue. I am lost. But this time totally. I don’t know where are you. I don’t know what your name is. Have no clue how you look like. Just know that you are somewhere in this world. Which color do you like? What is your favorite perfume? Do you like italian or chinese ? With or without sauce? I don’t know, and that is what I have fear of. I am scared. I really am. Searching for you all those years without any sign of you, make mi scared to death. I can not endure this anymore.
Wandering around all those years, and every time when love happened I thought that was you. I have no strength. Not any more. I was broken so many times, and because of that is so little left. So little that make me believe that I will never find you. Don’t have any more tiers to cry. Long time ago I cried them out . Now it is just pain. That frightens me. A lot. I can not recognize me any more. How time is passing by, I become more and more scared that I will loose myself. Where are you? Just give me one sign. Where to go? Which part of the world? I don’t give a damn, where I have to live, I just know if you won’t be there, it will be like now it is. Life without a life.
This year, just for couple of months, I’ll turn 35. Is this one more without yours birthday card? No, please not. We should till now have couple of kids, and we didn’t managed even to met. It scars me a lot. Sweetheart I am here, I just don’t know where to go , eventually to meet you. Here I am just hoping you will turn up, here in this place, because I have no compass any more. If I just assumed that you are in Italy I’ll stand in the middle of St.Marco`s square and cried your name out. Even though you are maybe somewhere in Calabria. Doesn’t matter I would have something to search for you. If you are in China I’ll do the same in the middle of the big wall, same like on the top of statue of liberty if it’s happen that you are “bella americana”. Please help me out. Give me something. Are you somewhere near me? Faraway from me? I’ll come wherever is that just come out please.
All of them till now, have said that is something in my blue eyes. I don’t know honey because I feel like they getting darker, and everything around also. I can not see properly any more. I am looking almost half of my life and I didn’t see you yet. Am I that bed, that you won’t give me just a chance to find you?
I don’t mind other people reading this, because I have no clue where to go. I would like to tell you in private, but you didn’t let me do it. Oh, and I have so much to tell you. Everything you missed in last decade. I’ll tell you all about my days without you. How was it felt in Budapest when I definitely thought that was you, or that deceive in Copenhagen. Most likely you were in Rotterdam, and I were that much sure, that almost broke me to the end of me. I can not play games any more. I am tired. I am so tired, that even if you turn up ( I really hope so) I’ll need a nap on your lap, just to pick up my self together and try to be me again. Please help me find you.
I don’t like writing, or SMS, or MSN, because I am full of it. I would like you in flesh and blood. I can not manage to do it this roll “man without feelings”. No I really can not and that is only reason I am writing this massage to you. Publicly, private, whatever just give me some sign of yourself. Lot of time is passed and if you don’t appear in recent time I really don’t know what to do. Please let finish this part of life and built new one together.

WoW that's one long, lonely howl!!

I hear ya. Good luck!

Dont give up.

Well..If you stp looking dso hard and just let things happen youy may gfind. Not what all your idiolizations might be but the one...