funny stuff (42)

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work,?so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son,?and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the?spa before meeting a dinner date.


The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from?inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her lady boss!

Gently, she closed the door?and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and the Redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them.

"No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."

Ouch!!!

I tryed to ring the bell like that one night....but someone opened the door and.................I broke the lamp-shade in the hall.

No more,no more

very funny


hi all from london hope you are all well

Why do blondes only get a half an hour for lunch???????






Any longer and you'd have to retrain them!

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2)Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Gregg. How's your day been"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up,then scream,"That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

17) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,

18) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

19) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,without getting off.

20) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

21) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

22) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

23) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

24) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"