thick Armour isn't the answer its the problem (27)

To love like that is definitely possible but the over the moon, the dream, the intense brightness of passion and joy can be matched with hurt and pain of equal measure that is the risk we run. But I agree it is a risk worth taking as I said it is better to have truly loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And when you see others who have not known that love then you know your life has in some way been full. Just be careful you don't give you heart to a chocolate teapot that melts when it gets too hot :-)

Are you calling yourself a tea pot??!!

You are right in what you say; you have be wary to a degree..but if the armour stays up, you will never know..will you?

My problem is I never had any armour :-( No I wasn't the pot, more the tea bag :-)I follow my heart Amanda rarely my head

Thius has to be one of the most frequently used sayings in CS Forums, and each time I say..Why?

I dont get that it is better to have had the pain of heartache than not to have had it.

I don't really get it either vonney.

What you never had you never miss!!!

Sorry Isa I've only just seen this now.

We attract the people into our lives that we need, to highlight that part of us that needs to be healed, say from your primary wound, or your attachment style. (When we are babies we form an "Attachment Style")

I am avoidant / dismissive type..........


I'll give you my own examples, as it's the best way to understand and see it.

I attract two types of men into my life. Either they are needy and or co-dependent or they are indifferent.

My Mother was very demanding, as are co-dependent guys.

My Father was indifferent. My ex-husband also.

I am allergic to co-dependent types, as I need my own space and if it's not given to me, I walk.

Indifference is easier for me, in that I learned in my marriage that you can not work with or co-operate with indifference.

Now what were these virtues in other people teaching me, what was my learning?

(It took me years to discover!)

That I am both demanding and indifferent to myself.

We attract the right person into our lives, so that we can learn from them and as a result, we grow into maturity.

The example you gave ..............Broadly, as I don't wish to offend anyone, but that person would need to look at their self worth and look and see how much they love who they are. Because if their self worth was intact and if they loved who they were, they would not stay in that relationship.

By the way, we ALLOW people to manipulate us, for whatever our reasons. We create ALL our defencesive behaviours for very WISE reasons.

I've learned this in two ways, living my life & studying it!

Every body you meet has something to teach you. And the one's who get under your skin or that you have an issue with, ARE your greatest teachers.

We are what we make ourselves, Every seven years apart from our brain we are a different person physically, we may look similar but our makeup is changing day to day, we carry whatever lessons and experiences we've had with us in our head. The secret is to have the wisdom to separate the feelings from the truth. The natural action is to go with tomato soup becos it is safe, lobster bisque looks similar but is a bit scary if you've never tried it :-) If you get stung you are reluctant to try anything new and the shutters or armour comes down. It's called taking a risk and not everybody has the courage to put themselves out there in case of ridicule. If i follow Manchester United or I watch Eastenders. Why would I? because they are tomato soup easy to fit in? So depending on how you view maturity maybe all Man Utd fans and people who watch eastenders are immature :-) I can't bring myself to decide what team to support what does that say about me :-)But I rather go into the dark room and look for the light switch and risk tumbling over the bag left there by someone else than not do so. I don't care for soup much but i like tomato cos it tastes nice :-) The right person will warn you that you'll trip over that bag in advance of you doing so or maybe for badness get a laugh watching you take a tumble to dent your ego and level the playing field a bit if you stretching a boundary of esteem a tad too far. :-)

I'm not quite sure what it is you are saying?

Protective behaviours or defences are THE WISE YOU. I'm not saying, don't have them. It is extremely important to have them, it is the wisest protector's we have.


But if I never risk, then I loose?!?


Trust me, I have had a tough life, but it does NOT prevent me from risking again.


I know one of the greatest virtues I have is my courage to be who I am.


My need is that you explain what you mean in your post,

Thanks,

Minx

I'll simplify and unify my point to be clear some people choose the easy path and pull the shutters down on what they don't know and will settle for the good enough. 5% interest in the bank is grand thanks. The braver potentially more foolish amongst us will have to find out by sticking the hand out and seeing what happens. Some people sail through life unscathed mostly but very few risk takers do. But I prefer to know the risk takers bcos as you say we learn the more we experience. I still like tomato soup just the same though :-)

Thank you for being clear, I now understand.


Dislike tomato soup myself!


I don't agree that I am foolish!