Laughter is the greatest sound, and a smile up lifting... (104)
3 blonds made there way to heaven, but St Peter told them he had only room enough for 1, so he said he'd give them all just one wish, and the wisest wish would get in. The first blond wished she was the smartest one there, so St. Peter made her smarter, the second one wished she would be even smarter than the first, with a clap of thunder, and a streak of lightning, she had become a genius, the third blond said she wanted to be the smartest person there, with the best build around, so St. Peter made her into a man and opened the pearly gates and let him in..moral of the story is.. you have to be brilliant to get into heaven, and it really helps if you're a man with a great build, like me...
Brew01: 3 blonds made there way to heaven, but St Peter told them he had only room enough for 1, so he said he'd give them all just one wish, and the wisest wish would get in. The first blond wished she was the smartest one there, so St. Peter made her smarter, the second one wished she would be even smarter than the first, with a clap of thunder, and a streak of lightning, she had become a genius, the third blond said she wanted to be the smartest person there, with the best build around, so St. Peter made her into a man and opened the pearly gates and let him in..moral of the story is.. you have to be brilliant to get into heaven, and it really helps if you're a man with a great build, like me...
There I was on my way to Wal-Mart... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... and then ... I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it .. he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'
............. and that's when the fight started . . .
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it .. he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'
............. and that's when the fight started . . .
KHD100: There I was on my way to Wal-Mart... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... wasn't even on the horizon ... I was in a great mood ... and then ... I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it .. he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'
............. and that's when the fight started . . .
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ... and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it .. he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'
............. and that's when the fight started . . .
For some odd reason Brew.... that joke made me think of you.
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy's Pub. After awhile, one guy looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you,
that you're from Ireland .'
The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am!'
The first guy says, 'So am I! And where about from Ireland might you
be?'
The other guy answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'
The first guy responds, 'So am I!'
'Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'
The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.'
The first guy says, 'Faith and it's a sma ll world. So did I! So did I!
And to what school would you have been going?'
The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course.'
The first guy gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?'
The other guy answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'
The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!'
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'
Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'
that you're from Ireland .'
The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am!'
The first guy says, 'So am I! And where about from Ireland might you
be?'
The other guy answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'
The first guy responds, 'So am I!'
'Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'
The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.'
The first guy says, 'Faith and it's a sma ll world. So did I! So did I!
And to what school would you have been going?'
The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St. Mary's, of course.'
The first guy gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?'
The other guy answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'
The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self!'
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'
Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'
This is interesting, worth the read. read the whole thing!!
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap;
it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....
You will be really shocked by the last one!!!!
(At least, I was...)
Compared with Gasoline...... Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 .. $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ........ $10.00 pe r gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........ $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Ny quil 6 oz $8.35 . $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ..$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..........$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source.
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why computer printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at................
you won't believe it...................
but it is true.........................
$5,200 a gal.. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,
be glad your car doesn't run on
water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil
or God forbid, Printer Ink!!!!!
All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap;
it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....
You will be really shocked by the last one!!!!
(At least, I was...)
Compared with Gasoline...... Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 .. $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ........ $10.00 pe r gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........ $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Ny quil 6 oz $8.35 . $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ... $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... $25.42 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ..$84.48 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
Evian water 9 oz $1.49..........$21.19 per gallon!
$21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source.
(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Ever wonder why computer printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at................
you won't believe it...................
but it is true.........................
$5,200 a gal.. (five thousand two hundred dollars)
So, the next time you're at the pump,
be glad your car doesn't run on
water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil
or God forbid, Printer Ink!!!!!
Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are traveling by train to a football match in London. At the station, the three English each buy a ticket and watch as the three Irish buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?", asks one of the English.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Irish.
They all board the train. The English take their respective seats but all three Irish cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect the tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The English are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Irish (like always !) on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Irish don't buy a ticket at all !
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed English.
"Watch and learn..." says one Irishman.
When they board the train the three Irish cram into a toilet and soon after the three English pile into another nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the English are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?", asks one of the English.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Irish.
They all board the train. The English take their respective seats but all three Irish cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect the tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The English are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Irish (like always !) on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Irish don't buy a ticket at all !
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed English.
"Watch and learn..." says one Irishman.
When they board the train the three Irish cram into a toilet and soon after the three English pile into another nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the English are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."
Brew01: SUZY !!!!!!!!!!! so that's where she got to
JUPP, did you ever find your teeth? LOL
KHD100: JUPP, did you ever find your teeth? LOL
Nope, she won't return them..but that's ok, cause now, the ladies love it when I give them gummers for bummers
Brew01: Nope, she won't return them..but that's ok, cause now, the ladies love it when I give them gummers for bummers
OHHHH BABY!!!!!
KHD100: OHHHH BABY!!!!!
YE-HAW
Brew01: YE-HAW
And I didn't even have to beg!!!!!!
KHD100: And I didn't even have to beg!!!!!!
Yet
Brew01: Yet
You never know what I have up my sleeve..... I might be uhhh a bit encouraging....
KHD100: You never know what I have up my sleeve..... I might be uhhh a bit encouraging....
if you have anything besides your arm up your sleeve, I'll get worried... or is that, excited ?
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asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth.
Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'
So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'
God simply replied 'You are what you are.'
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him,
'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'
The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what
you are.''
St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you
are. You are white with black stripes.'
The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'
'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes,
God would have said, 'You is what you is.'