I have 25 yoyos each way on Silver Birch. Coincidently i drew Offshore Account today in the job sweep, having only opened one yesterday ............the Omens are good
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
A man walks into a fishmonger's carrying a salmon under his arm. "Do you make fishcakes?" he asks. "Of course," says the fishmonger. "Oh good," says the man, "It's his birthday."
"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Fred. "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'hoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentlemen, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied...
Post your jokes in here, i shall get the ball rolling with..............
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure"? "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure"? she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog, took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100 percent certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried. "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead"?0D The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now £150.
blumoon Forum Posts (645)
RE: the grand national
I have 25 yoyos each way on Silver Birch. Coincidently i drew Offshore Account today in the job sweep, having only opened one yesterday