Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as lovers. The first woman says "My husband works as a marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."
The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."
The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up and Stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her and tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma; you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the grandson, "They won't let me fart."
A mental hospital was critically overcrowded. The doctor decides to get all the patients seated in one large room to conduct a test to see how many they discharge that day. At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who could open the door. There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching and clawing at the door and the handle. The doctors were disappointed, until they noticed a single patient who remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he watched his fellow patients. Encouraged that at least one patient could be discharged today, the doctors asked him why he wasn't trying to open the door. The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, "I've got the key!"
acausey07 Forum Posts (760)
RE: The Bar is open come on in and enjoy
Who's got the next song?