Jacko2 Forum Posts (96)

RE: Where is Ulimaroa........?

some people have lives outside of CS, matbe she is smelling reality?

RE: THAI MASSAGE !!!

So Uli, now that you are an expert, when you step off that camel are you going to give me an egyptian massage?

The Hypnotist

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those

Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To

Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat

"I do not Have a Headache;

I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache.."






It Worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball

Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the

Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it




Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his

Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He Puts her on The bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes

Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With

That, He goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,

She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

"She's not my Wife.

She's Not my wife.

She's not my wife..."



His funeral service will be held on Friday.

The Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar.
They get along so well that they decide to go to the
girl's Place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and
then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and
washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and
says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says
"Yes....how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your
hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.
After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a
good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm
a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!" she replied

RE: Is Anti-Semitism OK?

A slight change of direction but if Uli wears skirts and heels like in the pic she'll leave me speechless too

RE: Why do men living in a relationship mostly have to

well drive over this way, we ain't so far north of the camels hahaha

RE: Why do men living in a relationship mostly have to

Damn it Uli......taking out the garbage is woman's work......so get used to it ......you do look gorgeous by the way

RE: LOTTO Jackpot - Germany - €uro 28 Mio - TODAY ONLY OFFER

yeah when you do wear them they are strictly 70's

RE: You Are a Lotto Winner!!!!!

let me stick your 4 inch heel up your whatever and make you happy

RE: LOTTO Jackpot - Germany - €uro 28 Mio - TODAY ONLY OFFER

if you are lucky yes

RE: LOTTO Jackpot - Germany - €uro 28 Mio - TODAY ONLY OFFER

probably wasted the money on your lingerie hahaha

RE: LOTTO Jackpot - Germany - €uro 28 Mio - TODAY ONLY OFFER

All the numbers and Uli thrown in for free......now there's a winner

RE: bicycle

....On these roads? In this country? You'd have to be suicidal Mind you I guess one person less on the planet would help climate change.......slightly anyway

How to protect your address book

oh well, was fro a good source too,.....still put my trust in anti virus though

Another blonde joke

this was the kindest one I could find

RE: What's The Weather Like In Your Area?

rain forecast till next tuesday get out your oars

How to protect your address book

I learned a computer trick today that's really ingenious in its simplicity. As you may know, when/if a worm virus gets into your computer it heads straight for your email address book, and sends itself to everyone in there, thus infecting all your friends and associates.
This trick won't keep the virus from getting into your computer, but it will stop it from using your address book to spread further, and it will alert you to the fact that the worm has gotten into your system.

Here's what you do:

First, open your address book and click on 'new contact,' just as you would do if you were adding a new friend to your list of email addresses.

In the window where you would type your friend's first name, type in 'A'.

For the screen name or email address, type ' AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA <mailto:AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA> '.

Now, here's what you've done and why it works:

The 'name' 'A' will be placed at the top of your address book as entry#1.

This will be where the worm will start in an effort to send itself to all your friends.

But, when it tries to send itself to AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA <mailto:AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA> , it will be undeliverable because of the phony email address you entered. If the first attempt fails (which it will because of the phony address), the worm goes no further and your friends will not be infected.

Here's the second great advantage of this method:

If an email cannot be delivered, you will be notified of this in your In Box almost immediately. Hence, if you ever get an email telling you that an email addressed to AAAAAAA@AAA.AAAA could not be delivered, you know right away that you have the worm virus in your system. You can then take steps to get rid of it!

Pretty slick huh?

it works too

Do you know????

Do you know that :



When a woman wears a leather dress,

A man's heart beats quicker,

And his throat gets dry,

He goes weak in the knees,

And he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?



It's because she smells like a

a new golf bag!

Smart woman

Marbella is that way butt only if you play tennis

Smart woman

should see my medal collection

wise man

A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon

When he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her,

"Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?!!!"

She replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?"

He asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again;

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says,

"Hmmm, $10,000 dollars; Ok, just once, but not here.

Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley,

Where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them,

He grabs them and starts caressing them,

Fondling them slowly,

Kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them,

But not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks,

"Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"
"Nah", says the little old Jewish man...

"Costs too much..."

RE: I have new hair....

suits you well markizamkd25

Smart woman

11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,
so they decided that one had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,
because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything
for her husband and kids or for men in general,
and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping .............you can work out the rest for yourselves

Ç'Nile Virus

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail ! that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well darn!

6. Causes you to hit 'SEND' before you've finished. Oh, no - not again!

7. Causes you to hit 'DELETE' instead of 'SEND.' and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit 'SEND' when you should 'DELETE.' Oh No!
IT IS CALLED THE 'C-NILE VIRUS.'

Hmmm....Have I already sent this to you?

Little Johnnie returns

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Another blonde joke

Subject: Another Blonde Joke



Two blonde girls were working for the City Public Works Department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.



An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team.
But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'

RE: Global Warming...

about 12 months we'll start looking in Macedonia

RE: Shark Attack

basically most folks will panic anyway hahaha

RE: WOMEN & MAN

oh deary me

RE: cost

Not sure about how much one costs, but know from personal experience it costs a lot to get rid of her