scriobhneoir Profile Review

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scriobhneoir Review Details
scriobhneoir
scriobhneoir
Cork, Ireland

Is my Profile Text Okay?

I have recently revamped the text of my profile and want to know what people think. Please note I know my pic needs changing and am going to do this soon, so no need to bother pointing that out.
Oct 8, 2012 3:18 AM CST
Profile Reviews & Comments for scriobhneoir
BigBad
BigBad
Melbourne, Victoria Australia
18 comments
It's a good start, but you need a hook of some sort intrigue the reader. Also a little bit of comedy adds some flavour.

Lastly, it seems like you're not sure who you are addressing. Remember there is only one person you should be talking to; the woman who is currently reading what you wrote, so address her directly at all times.
Oct 8, 2012 4:42 AM CST
scriobhneoir
scriobhneoir
Cork, Ireland
32 comments
BigBad: It's a good start, but you need a hook of some sort intrigue the reader. Also a little bit of comedy adds some flavour.

Lastly, it seems like you're not sure who you are addressing. Remember there is only one person you should be talking to; the woman who is currently reading what you wrote, so address her directly at all times.


Thanks for that big bad.handshake
Oct 8, 2012 5:19 AM CST
BigBad
BigBad
Melbourne, Victoria Australia
18 comments
You're welcome
Oct 9, 2012 6:51 AM CST
KNenagh
KNenagh
Aachen, Kilkenny Ireland
215 comments
Hi Scribs, well written profile, you point out what you're looking for, sounds good and best of luck!
Oct 10, 2012 8:39 AM CST
scriobhneoir
scriobhneoir
Cork, Ireland
32 comments
Thanks KNenagh.
Oct 10, 2012 1:16 PM CST
BigBad
BigBad
Melbourne, Victoria Australia
18 comments
You switch from "you" to "her" in those last couple of paragraphs still. I'd look at reworking that still.

That first paragraph in who you're looking for, was excellent.
Oct 11, 2012 4:44 AM CST
scriobhneoir
scriobhneoir
Cork, Ireland
32 comments
Thanks Bigbad.
Oct 14, 2012 3:54 PM CST
hike1290
hike1290
., California USA
14 comments
i thought you wrote very nicely and sincere. i don't really see any changes. pic looks natural and like your being yourself. good luck. wine
Oct 15, 2012 12:27 AM CST
scriobhneoir
scriobhneoir
Cork, Ireland
32 comments
Thanks Hike. I definitely think I need a new photo to be taken. If for no other reason, the fact I've lost a substantialamount of weight since.
Oct 19, 2012 7:51 PM CST

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by scriobhneoir
Created: Oct 2012
Last Viewed: Apr 17
Last Commented: Oct 2012
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