I didn't realize that it has been almost a year since I wrote of Bonnie. She is still alive...barely. I made her a Valentine's card and wrote a letter/poem of sorts for her. I went to her house to drop it off not even thinking that I would see her. God, what a shock....she is so frail. She is almost not there. I stayed for maybe 10 minutes. Bonnie was just not able to keep any conversation going. She just doesn't have the energy.
Here is the letter I wrote to her.
My dear sweet Bonnie
you are in my soul forever and more
I think of you every day
and I pray
that you will forgive me
when I cry, cause I hold you
close to my heart.
I cannot bear to see you in such
misery and yet you take it all on your
slender shoulders.
The days seem long and yet quickly
gone before a thought can be held
Tis Valentine's Day....a day of love
Smile my sweet Bonnie
Hold old memories close
For they are your peace
when no other can be found
I give you a kiss and caress your forehead
My dear sweet Bonnie
you are my memory of pure sweet love
for you gave smiles, winks and "Hi Honey"
to all and everyone.
My dearest sweetest Bonnie.....if I could be God
I would hold you close till you were home.
Love you forever and a day
my dear sweet Bonnie.
Well I can say no more. I wait for the call to say my final goodbye to a dear sweet friend.
Last year I wrote about a dear friend of mine. I wrote some poems for her. She was going through treatment for cancer at the time. She did go into remission and we were all very happy for her.
I am sorry to say, the cancer has come back. And all hope has gone. The dr's said less than a year to live. My beautiful Bonnie is a brave soul. I don't want to lose her but in a few months she will have left my life.
A question for you survivors. Of all the wishes and gestures that your dear friends had done for you what was the most endearing? What made you smile in your darkest moment. I want to be able to give or say something special to show just how much I really care about her and her family. My daughter is a professional photographer and she has agreed to take Bonnie's portrait (now, when she is feeling well enough). I would pay for anything that my daughter had to pay out of her own pocket. So of course Bonnie would pay for nothing. Do you think this would be ok? Another idea I had was to give Bonnie a beautiful journal to write anything she felt like writing about. Maybe something she could dedicate to her husband and family. Is the journal too presumptuous of me? I am at a loss right now. I don't wish to be insensitive or overbearing, but I do wish to show how much I care for my dear friend.
The relationship was going fine. At least I thought it was. We were friends. Met here on CS. Continued our friendship to another site. It was a long distance relationship...didn't expect to meet in real life. We had a good time, we joked, we laughed, we danced, we did a lot of virtual things on the Internet. I looked forward to each day. True he was crowding me a little bit and maybe I crowded him. Not hard to do. But all of a sudden it ended, he disappeared. I searched for him...to no avail. Emailed him. He answered. "His reasons for ending our friendship": after I said I was logging off, I stayed on".....actually that is true. I was going shopping for clothes..you know how us girls like to shop. I found it easier to do by myself than with him.
He said I should have told him the truth. I didn't know he was tracking me!. One time I tried to hid from a guy whom, I had a couple of conversations with, but had the feeling this guy would seek more and I wasn't into that. But my friend thought I was trying to hide from him so I could carry on a relationship with this other person. Not true!. My friend just plain doesn't believe me. So the friendship is over. I will not bother him, even though I could email. To me ..when it is over, it is over!
Were this really the reasons to end our friendship...I think they are feeble excuses. There must be reasons that have nothing to do with me, or everything to do with me. I guess I will never know.
The Spirit of Christmas
The season of Christmas is upon us. The birth of the Christ child. What does the spirit of Christmas mean to me?
It is a feeling deep down in one's soul that is there each day but gets hidden with daily living. Every day starts with a promise. A promise of charity to be given and received. But boy, can an ordinary day knock one off the rails. The left over negativity from the previous day seeps in today to spread the doldrums. By the end of ones workday we flee home to sanctuary.
Yes, many find it and others don't. I go home to be greeted by my cat. He is like a puppy. Follows me, caresses my legs and jumps into my lap as I collapse on the couch. Animals seem to have more spirit of Christmas than us. Our pets are happy to see us. No recriminations, no silent treatment. They just love us. A lesson for us to be learned. Each day really should be a charitable cornucopia. Forgive others and yourself for past and future hurts. To me that is what the spirit of Christmas represents. Charity, simple charity.
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