Have you ever been in a relationship where they shower you with praises,complements and gifts? They are also calling you all the time on the phone or your email has so many attachments that you feel you better look at all of them because you know they will ask? Then the next thing you realize is that all your energy is drained because you have to re-assure them constantly that you are interested in them, love or committed to them or you will get the "silent treatment" or the reminder that they love you and can't live without you?
It happens to "Guys" too. One time I had to stop volunteering to move them because I have a truck. It became a ritual every six months when their lease ran out. Also, I can weld,plumb,carpenter,a jack of all trades. I had to get real dumb otherwise I became their handy man. That's maybe why I got smart and went to school for Journalism. See, I still haven't learned anything. I just told you my skills and I have tools.
OK, my CS tribe and family, we are in the season for Valentine Vampires. So, get your garlic, crosses and stakes ready to place around your neck.
Happy Valentine to the staff of CS and to all you. I love you and this site and I cannot live without you. LOL :)
I think all of us deal with loneliness in some shape or form throughout our lives. It is really tough when all your friends have a special someone and your the only single person in the tribe of friends. Sometimes our "Friends" try to set us up and you know that does not work out too well. Then when you do go out through a recommendation, sometimes it can't be helped you piss off your friends girl friends cousin and everyone blames you as the bad guy. You want to tell them the truth but you just stay silent and let the air settle. My friends stopped trying to help me because they started to see I had pretty good judgment of character.
I have learned a lot about that feeling of loneliness. After all these years I have turned loneliness into "all-one" and into a cheesy way to say "ALL ONE NESS". Don't laugh it works for me. I feel I have conquered this black dog. My social life is regulated around work but I do find time to unwind. I enjoy myself more because I have learned to appreciate my values and myself in general. I really like myself and I can't please everyone.
So, I have learned to conquer a fear and a "social angst" by forcing myself to be silent and let the feeling of loneliness to pass. The times I have broke that rule I seem to run into people like my friends now ex-girl friends cousin again who was a desperate lady looking for someone to cure her of her loneliness. How paradoxical.
Be good to yourself today.
I really enjoyed the movie "Black Swan". Natalie Portman gave a great performance (I loved her in "V" for Vendetta) and yes, I saw it twice (downfall of writers and researchers).
This movie really gave me an incentive to "explore" my "Shadow Self" more. I love movies that bring your deep passions forward. I also started rummaging in my CD stash for some classical music. Hope you get to see the movie.
Most of you know by now reading my other posts, that I am a writer and researcher. This was not my life before. Religion played or the lack of played a huge role in my evolution in being a researcher.
When I filled out my profile on CS, I (we all) came across the religion part. Some of us filled out what was provided by CS or left it blank. Frankly, I got stuck at that point. I didn't see a category that fit me, so I marked the "Non-Religion" sub-category. I knew I was taking a risk so I did place a comment that was slightly ambiguous and lightly evasive. Sure, it is a "private" subject but probably we all know by now that philosophy (our world or other worldly world view) is important in a relationship.
Most of us, concerning religion, are at the point that we react by "tightening our jaws and our muscles" because of the lack of toleration in the world and fanatical evangelism (not just religion but any subject). I use to be so "invested" in my families beliefs, it took a major sickness to divest myself from that energy. The whole subject seems to be driving the political "machines" itself. Is not terrorism based on ideas? Concerning individual relationships, are we not all guilty of being afraid of "Relationship Terrorists"? The future of any meaningful relationship might hinge on how we respond to ourselves and our own "Religion" by doing a little inventory and relaxing into our own skin as the outcome. When I understood my phobias(fears)and had some pragmatical knowledge experienced (maturity @#!*&^ I hate that word) I seemed to be a little more relaxed.
So, may I suggest a new category to the Religion sub-section that seems to be working for me or "fits" at this time. Okay, follow the word string. "Spiritual not religious" evolving or developing into "Inspirational-ism". What do you think?
Definition of "Inspirational-ism" for me: Someone who realizes the reality that everyone has a world view, an individual who has learned to synthesize the many parts into a functional whole for themselves, a pragmatic understanding of the energy of unity, an individual that takes personal responsibility to find inspiration in whatever circumstance they are involved. "Inspiration" is the effect or result when in a relaxed state of consciousness. "Inspirational-ism" focuses on being open to the future not living in memories. In summary, I can walk in someones else s shoes for awhile when I am not stuck in mine. I have the sense when to jump out of theirs when I need to return to my own shoes because Inspiration is calling. I have a pair of boots that when I wear them I think more clearly, really! You might be asking, Do you click them together and say like Dorothy, "I want to go home"? Yes.
Thanks for your constructive comments and I hope you find your own "Inspirational-ism"
Howling at the moon! I live in the country so I can do this out my front porch and not be self conscious. It is cold right now to do this for many of us in the Northern Hemisphere but I'm game for a little Paganism (just an expression people, no offense)! Don't laugh. When was the last time you had a fun quirky date? Don't be shy. Tell us we are listening.
One of the many benefits being a researcher and writer is what effects it has on you personally. It all started for me when I was talking to an associate and I found myself stuttering like I could not communicate what I was trying to say. I am thankful that this person was patient and not judgmental. I felt like a big dope. I was going to get my act together and never let that happen again.
Then I met a girl named Clarity. We happened to meet at the local coffee hang out. I have never seen her before but our eyes met and I asked if she would like to join me. She had a pleasant demeanor and was a petite young lady. I was attracted to her "quirky" attire. I loved her glasses. You know those horned rimmed old classic glasses that were popular in 50's and 60's? A computer geek by trade, we talked for ever it seemed over coffee. She did have a sweet tooth and I didn't mind the third round and the pastries she consumed because I was entranced by what she was saying and her manner of speaking.
She told me about a few books that she read that maybe could help me not to stutter when in conversation. She told me about the book "How To Get Your Point Across in 30 Seconds-Or Less" by Milo O. Frank and "Change your Voice, Change Your Life" by Dr. Morton Cooper. As she was talking, all I could think about as I listened to her, was the countless books I have read about how a student met their guru. Was this one of those "freak" meetings and it was happening to me too?
All of a sudden, she had to go abruptly after she received a text message and all I could do was to sit there frozen in the retro colored booth stuttering as she left. I did not get her phone number or email.
I purchased the books and I never met her again.
As I have grown older, which I never thought I would ever get there, I have grown more comfortable in my own skin. The contradictions in life are not as noticeable or I have learned to be more flexible. Maybe I have finally become wiser.
Patriotism, clannishness, fixed ideas (beliefs) of principle or class prejudice have become less important in my life as I have began to see the larger overview of life. Peace of mind seems the norm because the 'Ole self' has been put out to pasture. Even the "battle between the sexes" is no longer apparent to myself personally because I have done some homework and dealt with some "dualism" in myself.
Yes, I am a writer and sure I can write some real "lofty" thoughts and put them into some kind of intelligent symbolism but, in all my research and writings about relationships as a "ghost writer" for others, it seems to have rubbed off on me. One day soon, I will find my "Evolet" as the world of contradictions within myself is a fading issue for me.
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