Some times it's good to look back. People change over the years bad or good. Over the short years I've been alive I've learned allot about myself. Some of it is not so good but..most of it has been great. I use to be a bad kid in my pre teen years. In my highschool years I use to be a huge party person.
as of tonight I took the time to sit and look back,reflect and realize who I am. I use to think I had to punish myself to learn to be a better person not phyisicly but mentely. I use to beat myself up if I failed at something,telling myself I was never good at anything.
as the years went by that type of thinking faded away I started taking care of myself. Pushing my self to learn things in the right way. I learned that I was useful. That I had skills, I had confidence witch I never though I had.
I worked hard at being the best I could be at work and it paid off!!. I'm 20 years old and working two jobs. Both thoughs jobs have givin me promotions within working only six months.
I have messed up in the past but I didn't let that stop me from being who I truly am. I'm proud to say I'm a hard worker, I'm vary social. Out going in everyway and for the most part happy.
for some of us being happy isn't easy.most of us find it hard to be happy because life can suck and everyones situation is not the same. I will say my life has been pretty good of course there's parts of it where I feel like I'll never be happy again. Still I find myself holding my head up because lifes not over until it's over.
I think being open minded with myself has helped me move forward. I believe I've been doing just fine. I believe that I'm ready for whatever comes my way. I'm proud of what I've become.
All of us have had that awkward moment with someone whether it be from a bad experience,x girl friend(or boyfriend) or a simple I don't know what to say your just way to hot not to look at...yeah haha anyways after a awkward moment you feel icky inside like what could I have done? Why can't I figure out what to say...I have these moment with some people....writing about it will help me and you get passed that moment
Earlier today I saw one of my attractive friends as I was walking to the coffee shop I stopped and said hi...then I tried to have a conversation with her,this lead to that moment. I started talking about my car but something told me she didn't seemed in tune with what I was saying..so there was that stand off,the cold silence of deflection with in the group we started talking to other people and for the rest of the time it was plain awkward.
Yet when two of my friends came by and stopped to talk all that tension was gone.
I had amazing time talking to them I felt I was right in the center of attention,being listened to and my words gracefully came out not one time I talked out of place nor any moment of silence. That's when I noticed...
She was listening in hearing our conversation. Before my friends dropped by after the awkward moment I over heard her talking about me being awkward.
So after I heard that I felt pretty low about myself. I felt I didn't belong in there. Soon after I realized one of the people that owns one of the businesses in town was at the coffee shop. I knew her for awhile and we use to talk allot about our personal lives. She had something on her mind...
Being me I listened with full contentment. Then I knew I need to vent what just happened in a way that favors what happened prior. I explained how I've been single and that I knew I was attractive yet when I liked someone it was hard to make that extra move. I told her I was stuck in this coffee shop and I was sick of small talk that leads to no where. I made myself clear and loud so my attractive friend could hear why I felt discouraged. Oh she heard me and soon after when my friends dropped by to talk she couldn't help to hear what I was saying.
I caught her looking at me more then once. It worked and as she when she was leaving she was eying my up and down and also said good bye in a peculiar way.
The rest of the day I talked to my friends and said good bye. At the end of day I made my point that I was open to talk to anyone with my full interest,help people engage in a vary amusing conversation and above all else maybe I changed the future with the girl I've liked and noticed liked me.
The moment comes up when you expect it to. It happens when you show no interest in what someone has to say. People can sense when your uncomfortable.
All it takes is you being yourself and interest in others. You don't have to over dress or act like someone else. All it takes is you being your self and being calm and open to talk about what they want to talk about with your interest added in
What makes a person evil?what drives someone to hurt the person closest to them?why is it so tempting to get back from what you've been dealt? Listen to this ill let you in part of my life so that one day it may help you.
Evil.....so many means of evil,I have been considered this before from some people it wasn't always like that though. In my early years of becoming a man I was innocent caring and above all else eager to see what the world had to offer I had my close friends and well kept house and a girlfriend by the time I was 14. She was my first love we cared for each other vary much until it got to unreal we fought over and over. Then everything went back to normal without a girl. Yet it was ok because I knew I was young and understood it wasn't even close to time to be serious. Not many years later I had found a new girl she was nice and attractive but her being attractive and uncontrollable under alcohol she cheated on me. I was hurt bad,I didn't understand what to do next but I was strong and decided to leave her and continue on with my life instead of bicker about it. What I didn't realize is that really hurt from it. That's when it all stared next relationship I was in lasted a month we got bored of each other but we ended it fine good terms in other words. But the one serious serious relationship I got into I got the label from.
She was my second love but I really love her. We dated for a long time without a care in the world until I over heard she cheated on me as well I fell on my knees emotionally. The racing thoughts of her and another guy enraged me but I let it slide...then it came up again this time I was souly convinced she was I began to lie to her to the point where I would leave her to hang out with another girl. This was different though because me and my new best friend never did anything with each other. After awhile fights broke out lies on top of lies. I knew I needed to end this senseless fighting. So I did I apologized and did what I could to treat her like a queen yet it was to late.
Readers evil is created on a string of events you take in a little bit of everything even if you don't realize it. I was victim to being cheated on so I had a unhealthy taste for deception.
After a long period of repairing the good person I use to be I had found another she was amazing and I told myself I would not hurt her as I did to the rest well in this case I let her go as softly as I could we were friends afterwards but she soon decided to try to ruin me as soon as she realized I wasn't coming back she labeled me hateful words,she spread lies Across the board of my close friends. I stood there and took it though I never once lied nor attacked back. That my readers is your best bet because in all you don't want to stoop down you want to keep your chin up look the devil in the eyes and speak clear and consistent because fighting over this situation to all though's close to you is not worth it. You need to press on with your life even when all hope is gone make that extra step,push that last ounce of energy. in the end its worth it. at the end will be a new beginning
Everyone has a story of their own,at some point in time everyone wants someone to read or listen to who they are the things they went through the way they are and what they stand for. This is me saying a gist of all of that.
To start I was raised in a middle class family in Eagan Mn. When I was 1 my family moved out to lake elmo and ever since then that's where my parents decided to live. I was just about to be in my preteen years when I started going over to stillwater(its a small city a few miles out from my home town)
I struggled in school allot,was never good at the book work. I wasn't much of a social person until high school,my senior year is when I was one of the "popular kids" I worked hard to be called that. Now I'm out of school waiting for my debts to be paid off.
I had allot of friends at one point in time but in all honesty I didn't really like that fact. I realized that most of those friends considered me as the go to guy, if you wanted to know what was going on for the weekend I was the guy you hit up. Of course I won't go into detail about anything else about this subject. Point is I didn't like it and cut out allot of people and stuck by the ones that have been with me for years.
My religion I won't explain nor label,I have no comment on that by the way.
My story is not don't but that's what the future is for thanks for reading my gist hope you do the same for your self
If your on this site most likely your single,maybe looking for a pen pal,or just to hook up. Well I'm here to learn. I've been a "assh$£€" in the relationship. I've been the good guy,one thing I have not been is the "right man".
I know you can relate in some way on this. I thought I had the good life with my girl. Soon after things..they changed I became paranoid,one night she left. I thought the worse that could of happened did. It wasn't the same after that. Fighting,unreasonable assumptions everything turned on me..
It took me awhile to get back on my feet. I tryed partying,anything I could to block out what happened. I went on thinking I didn't do anything on until I met her. She was beautiful,smart and like I was twisted in my own thoughts. Yet she was the victim of her own boyfriend. They broke up and still tryed to work things out. She knew all the right words to say to me. To make me realize I was like him. I felt so discussed hearing them fight. The words and assumptions he used were exactly like the ones I used a long time ago.
She taught me what its like to be in her shoes. How much it hurt to be accused and questioned all the time. She showed me what I was. I will admit I was like him. I was wrong in the relationship. Not because she was always a angel. because I'm the one that ripped the relationship apart.
I will never be perfect but I won't make the same mistake again nor will I promise anything unless I'm way to sure I can.
I'm not simple I believe that there is a thing called karma. Its been proven over and over. If you believe in god or some sort of god you believe that your god made everything and if you follow his/her will you will go to what most call heaven. I don't believe this... yet I will not discourage you of your beliefs. Its easy to believe in something that has been told through years of teachings and consistent opinion. I question theses beliefs they don't make me feel like I should have faith. I play by my sets of standards I believe that showing you have a heart and care for people when needed is key play in the pursuit of happiness. Its a never ending fight for what is best for you in life and its a battle that can be won but a war that won't end. Until your dead you will face many bad times in your life but don't let that stop you for you can have a great life looking at the bright side of things. At times yes its hard to think that way example like a loved one dies but you got to tell your self your life is not over its not your end yet. What ever you believe who ever you are know that the bright side is the only side you will be happy on. Lyes won't cover your tracks witch you believe in some way is better then the truth. Thing is sooner or later your going to get caught. Disloyalty is another thing that is one of the worst things can do. It may feel good to you if your like that but all that's doing is putting your self in a spot you don't want to be in if you choose that you want to be disloyal maybe its time for you to move on and not hurt your partner they deserve your
honesty as you deserve theirs so yeah that's most of what I believe I have my self set on my standards and I will never go against the steping stones of life I have created I hope this helps you as well
Years I've been through bad relationships. I've had my brief relationships and I've had my long term misrible relationship. Its hard to admit I use to be the one that messed up what I had going for me. I let my self down,my girl,my friends. After awhile I started hanging out with this girl who had the same issues with her boyfriend. Not long after I realized the things he did to mess up her relation ship was the same case as mine. I look back and wish I could of changed it but looking back only made it harder to move on so...I took myself one step back and learned from my mistakes.
I'm on this site to do this. I want to learn more and continue to move myself forward in life. There's so many people out there and this site makes it so I can open my mine on what a relationship really is. So far the site has done me well I've meet some great people on this site from pen pals to close friends and...
Well that will come when the time is right
kevvvinnnnnn09 Blog (7)