I´m in a relationship with a fantastic man. He is a doctor, a leading specialist in urology in Spain, I am an English teacher. We both spend a lot of time working and away on business trips...well he on the trips more than I. He is in Manhattan at the moment checking out the latest procedures in his field by a French specialist working there.
It suits both of us, neither of wish to be in each others pockets, yet there is a love and trust between us which I have never experienced before. I mean, the trust thing, when both have demanding jobs and are apart for long periods. We also have a meeting of minds on so many things, and that is very hard to find I know.
It´s not really difficult for me being apart, I love the fact that for the first time in my life I can be in a relationship and not feel suffocated. I also love the fact that he asks me what I have been doing when he is away clearly without any hidden agenda. He is truly interested in my life, work, and my friends.
My dilemma is that I´m not sure whether being in this comfort zone means I won´t be able to commit completely to a live in relationship, as I know he would like, in the future. I don´t feel that it is what I want in this moment in time, despite my feelings for him. We could go on like this forever! In fact that sounds quite appealing!
I am procrastinating as per usual.
I read so many blogs, which quite frankly should be posted on the forums to obtain the answers which the "blogger" is clearly seeking.
A blog is like a diary, to record private thoughts or events in life without the real necessity for a response.
Responses are good, and sometimes helpful, but not the be all and end all of a genuine blog.
A month would do just fine.
I seem to be working every hour God sends and I don´t think I can keep it up. It´s not just the class time, but the hours spent researching and preparing classes for my students with work-based specific needs.
The teaching hours I have at the Academy are all over the place, 8.00 am until 11.00 then 15.00 or 16.00 until 22.00, most days. That´s the Spanish timetable for you! Then of course I have my private students in between, they pay more, but at times not such a reliable source of income. Adults can´t always attend for many reasons, so I must maintain the Academy classes.
Now I´m preparing for my work as an examiner for Cambridge, so Saturdays are virtually tied up too.
I suppose I shouldn´t complain, the economic crisis has seen many businesses fall by the wayside and people losing their jobs.
I wish I were 10 years younger.
The book has been sitting there for three weeks waiting to be reviewed, I have a class of 15 doctors tomorrow, eagerly awaiting their second (2 hour!) English lesson, and a new private student, a biologist working on producing the perfect table grape, arriving at my home 9.00 am tomorrow for his first class.
And I have given up smoking....8 days today.
Don´t ask me how I did it, but at 18.00 Spanish time today, the book review has been sent to my editor, and there are two great lesson plans neatly laid out on the table.
Sometimes what seems to be the impossible, can be achieved.
You see, I actually don´t believe in them, nor want to be on one.
So why am I here you may say. Well, I didn´t join, a couple of friends very kindly did that for me!
It was a long time ago, before I became the happy, settled woman I now am in Spain, and I have updated my profile and pictures since then.
Yet, I´m still here, albeit with many long pauses. I do believe that I have met some wonderful people here, and whilst I have not met them personally, I feel empathy and friendship.
Isn´t that strange? I don´t believe I will ever meet anybody in the romantic sense (tried that, no success) but I like to meet up virtually with my online friends here from time to time.
Don´t get me wrong, I never think about these friends offline, why would I? They are not part of my life in the true sense of the word, and my real friends, work, and real life take up my time, as they should.
Passing the time here is often fun, sometimes awful, but dating is for real people in the real world....IMO.
I popped in here a while ago complaining somewhat about needy people on my team of teachers here in Russia. One of them had a genuine need today and I am in a quandary.
I received a phone call this afternoon from someone crying hysterically and then we were cut off. I recognised the voice of one of my teachers, an older lady who has been the bain of my life since she arrived with her constant complaining. I immediately called back and she managed to tell me that she had been bitten badly by a dog. Fortunately she was near the plant where we teach each day and I was home in my flat, also near the plant. I told her I would meet her there and hurried out to meet her.
She was patched up by a kindly nurse at the factory surgery but was told she needed to go to the hospital. Neither of us speak Russian well but one of my students who had called in the office to do some work offered to drive us to the hospital and help interpret. I was relieved that Nikolay was one of my intermediate level students and he did a wonderful job for us. She was treated with anti rabies injections, after an arduous half hour of form filling and has to return to the hospital for a course of injections over the next few weeks.
Whilst I was in the hospital with her she clung to me like a child, obviously in shock, my hand is slightly bruised from her grip. I held and comforted her, at odds with my growing impatience of her selfishness a few days earlier. It was a strange feeling, not something I've experienced before because I had never met a truly selfish person before, nor had to be the sole source of comfort to such a person. My heart went out to her and I gave her what she needed surprisingly, when I thoght about it later, without a second thought. I've been checking on her this evening and she seems much better, she hasn't thanked me once, I'm not waiting for it you understand but I'm trying to illustrate, to you the reader, what kind of person I'm dealing with here.
A few days ago I arranged a team meeting for tomorrow to address problems about some negative student feedback, most of which is related to the classes she takes. Her classes are boring, she doesn't explain things fully etc etc. I believe I'm a competent manager as well as a good teacher, my years in the Civil Service have given me the experience to facilitate meetings and solve problems with the valuable input from my team, but tomorrow I do need to be firm and honest with each of the teachers.....including a very needy person who has just been bitten by a crazy Russian dog.
Well I'm now in Russia and feel much happier than the last three month stint because I have three new teachers, two of which are young guys who are great fun.
I love to laugh and have a great sense of humour so these guys, excellent teachers by the way, have me in stitches. The problem is that all three teachers on my team are quite needy and a little inflexible in many ways.
The accommodation we are provided with is clean, comfortable with internet access and satellite tv, but they complain that it's oppressive having a cleaner come in every weekday morning.....what's that all about? Her name is Galina, she is wonderful and waits until we have gone to work before coming in, unless of course the classes are in the afternoon then she will knock and come in to do her job. Why can't they see that a little kindness to her can reap so many benefits? Last year when I was here I bought beetroot and was going to try to make borscht, Galina who doesn't speak any English, tried to explain how it was made and that I would need to grate the beetroot. When I returned from work there was a grater in my tiny kitchen. This is just one of many little things she has done for me. I wouldn't dream of leaving dirty dishes in the sink or my bed unmade, perhaps she appreciates that, yet they leave their rooms in the same state my son used to when he was in his early teens. The male teachers are in their early thirties and the female is sixty four so it's not an age related discourtesy.
We also have a flat in Moscow provided by the company because we teach there a couple of days a week, it's a good flat but they complain that the beds are not comfortable enough, that they have to travel to work on the metro for half an hour....in a city the size of Moscow I don't think half an hour is unreasonable.
The complaints go on and I'm getting weary and trying not to lose my patience.
Perhaps it will all settle down after a couple more weeks when everybody is comfortable in this country and with their work.
I ask myself though, why do people like this choose to work abroad?
I hate making decisions, it's too difficult for somebody like me who doesn't want to let people down.
I was a happy bunny living and working in Spain, lovely friends, weather, food, flat...the lot, until a friend, also living in Spain, asked me to help out in a summer school in Oxford UK. I was happy to do so because teaching dries up a little in the summer and it turned out be great fun.
However, the Director of the school asked me if I would be interested in leading a project (English classes for a multi-national company in Russia). It was an offer I never expected to receive at my age, I thought I would be teaching the rest of my working days in sunny Spain and was more than happy with that thought. Well, I agreed after much persuasion (and a handsome pay deal) and here I am after three months looking forward to visiting my family in the UK before returning to Spain on Monday.
The problem I have is that this project in Russia is for three years initially, and my boss wants me to return in February to continue the work and supervise the new teachers. My friend in Spain however is just about to open her own academy and wants me to join her. She has a lot of company work waiting and needs me there to start work in January.
The pay for the Russia job is much more than I would earn in Spain, but it's a hard life here, so unlike my sunny life in Spain. It's not just the weather, the company is based just outside Moscow in a heavily polluted industrial town which has absolutely nothing to write home about. I have no social life at all, but I enjoy the work and my students are lovely, kind people who I will miss when I leave. They took me out to dinner today and presented me with so many beautiful gifts, in spite of the fact that they do not earn much money.
I'm not a wealthy woman and the pay is certainly attractive, but if I return to Russia my friend has to find somebody else to help her out with all these classes waiting. To be fair, she has not put any pressure on me whatsoever, but I know she will be in a spot if I come back here. I also miss Spain dreadfully and the thought of living here for another three to six months is not too appealing.
Too many people are tugging at my conscience.
What to do, what to do?
Jan1305 Blog (9)