“Rules” from the male perspective…
All girls have so many “rules” for guys. Here’s their retaliation. Note: All rules are labeled number 1 on purpose.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act
like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an
answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like
camping.
Life's Highs...
1. Laughing hysterically
2. Dancing your heart out
3. Star gazing
4. Shopping
5. Going to the beach
6. Listening to the rain
7. Ice-cream on a hot day
8. Feeling wanted
9. Getting that warm, fuzzy feeling when you think about the one you love
10. ReceIving text messages
11. Personal jokes
12. ComplIments
13. Late night phone calls
14. Christmas
15. Hugs
16. Kisses
17. Knowing someone misses you
18. Knowing someone is thinking of you
19. Good dreams
20. Skipping school for a day
21. Lying on the grass starring into the sky
22. Going up to the snow
23. Jumping into a warm bed on a cold night
24. Seeing your guys/girls name on your mobile when it rings
25. Your first kiss
26. Talking for hours about absolutely nothing
27. Looking back on the laughs
28. Receiving presents
29. Giving presents
30. Birthdays
31. Air conditioning when it's hot
32. Being full of energy
33. Seeing your boyfriend/girlfriend
34. Watching someone do something stupid, and them thinking no one saw
35. Nice smelling perfume/cologne/deodorant
36. Good hair days
37. Turning on the radio to hear that your favourite song is being played
38. Running into an old friend
39. Strolling along the pier at night
40. Finding $5 on the ground
41. Being home alone
42. Reading a good magazine
43. Sun baking
44. Sleeping in
45. Watching the sun come up
46. Seeing a shooting star
47. Waking up to find the person you love in your arms
48. Weekends
49. Holidays
50. Jumping on a trampoline
51. Sitting infront on the fire on a cold evening
52. Smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
53. Singing into your hairbrush in your room
54. Bubble baths
55. Turning up your sterio as loud as it will go
56. Being so happy it makes you cry
57. Summer
58. Finally completing somthing you started a long time ago
58. Achieving a long time goal
59. Warm nights
60. Falling in love...
On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
One day your loved one wont be here. One day when you have a problem you wont be able to call upon them and ask for help. One day when you want to send them a message they wont ever receive it. One day when they are not here you wont be able to tell them "I love you" and how much you cherrished every moment you have spent together. One day you will make time to call them and realize that you will never hear their voice on the other end of that phone again. There are four things you cannot recover in life, the stone after it has been thrown, the word after its been said, the occasion after it has been missed and the time after its gone... Never take anyone for granted. Tell your loved ones often that you love them and remind them how much they mean to you. Always make time for the ones you love, cause nothing is more important than our family and friends, anything other than that can wait! Life comes with no guarentees, no time outs and sometimes no second chances....
Great Store Signs:
*On Maternity Room door:"Push,Push,Push"
*At an Optommetrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
*Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
*At the Electric Company: "We will be delighted if you send in your bill. However if you don't,you will be."
*Outside a Radiators Repair Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
*In a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropiate action."
SIMPLE THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A wise man once sat in the
audience & cracked a joke.
All laughed like crazy. After a
moment, he cracked the same
joke again and a little less people
laughed this time.
He cracked the same joke again
& again, when there was no
laughter in the crowd, he smiled
and said, "When u can't laugh on
the same joke again & again,
then why do u keep crying over
the same thing over and over
againÂh
'Forget the past & move on'
Courage is about doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared before you do it.
It is your attitude at the beginning of a task that determines success or failure.
Don't wait until people are dead to give them flowers.
Don't let your pride or lack of courage stand in the way of saying you're sorry.
Never stop doing your best just because someone doesn't give you credit.
It doesn't take strength to hold a grudge; it takes strength to let go of one.
I would rather make my name than inherit it.
Measure your days by how the corners of your mouth turn.
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
I've been trying to find the word that says what I need to be in life.
"Brave' is the only word. It's the only thing that I ask myself to be.
You're going to meet many people with domineering personalities: the loud, the obnoxious, those that noisily stake their claims in your territory and everywhere else they set foot on. This is the blueprint of a predator. Predators prey on gentleness, peace, calmness, sweetness and any positivity that they sniff out as weakness. Anything that is happy and at peace they mistake for weakness. It's not your job to change these people, but it's your job to show them that your peace and gentleness do not equate to weakness. I have always appeared to be fragile and delicate but the thing is, I am not fragile and I am not delicate. I am very gentle but I can show you that the gentle also possess a poison. I compare myself to silk. People mistake silk to be weak but a silk handkerchief can protect the wearer from a gunshot. There are many people who will want to befriend you if you fit the description of what they think is weak; predators want to have friends that they can dominate over because that makes them feel strong and important. The truth is that predators have no strength and no courage. It is you who are strong, and it is you who has courage. I have lost many a friend over the fact that when they attempt to rip me, they can't. They accuse me of being deceiving; I am not deceiving, I am just made of silk. It is they who are stupid and wrongly take gentleness and fairness for weakness. There are many more predators in this world, so I want you to be made of silk. You are silk.
After a while you learn the difference between holding a hand & falling in love. You begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something, promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made and sometimes goodbyes really are forever..
Read this and let it really sink in...then choose how to start your day tomorrow...
Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a
good mood and always has something positive to say. When
someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I
were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad
day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the
positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to
Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive
person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself,
'Mike, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a
good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' I choose to
be in a good mood.
"Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim
or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
"Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to
accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of
life. I choose the positive side of life."
"Yeah, right, it isn't that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said. Life is all about choices. When you
cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose
how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect
your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. "The
bottom line is: It's your choice how you live life."
I reflected on what Michael said. Soon thereafter, I left the tower industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a
serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications
tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care,
Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his
back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked
him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins.
Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone
through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well being of my soon-to-be-
born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Michael continued, "The paramedics were great.They kept
telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me
into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors
and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse
shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was
allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses
stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep
breath and yelled, 'Gravity.' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
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