Present day:
For a while, i started believing that one is not alone, you always have someone with you. Although in a physical sense of the word, its true, you have people around you, you talk to them, do your daily routine and carry on with your work.
But, inside i feel its a lie. Okay great there are people around me. But the loneliness is still there, my heart and soul feel it.
I wake up, and i wake up to my own thoughts, in my own head. That is how i am alone. I go to work, sit at my desk, people move about doing their work and i do mine, yet i am alone.
2years ago:
I used to think that i was doing it on purpose, that i wanted to be alone so i would have something to complain about. So i stopped thinking about it at-least i tried, whenever this lonesome feeling would surface, i would push it down, think of something else, divert my mind and keep myself occupied in anything, music, games, work, mindless surfing.
After a while, i turned to love, i started seeking it, kept running after it, but that went to shit, apparently when you are looking for something that isn't there, you take what you get and try to twist it and convince yourself that this is what you wanted.
But it's not real, as i soon found out. You only end up hurting yourself and end up looking like a fool.
And that's when i gave up, i gave up "wanting" anything, i would just get up and carry on with my stuff, cos i knew things are not going to get better so no point of expecting anything from life.
Just wake up each day, and deal with what life gives you. If its a shity day, doesn't matter, if its a good day, doesn't matter.
And that's when i caught a break, i found a wonderful person, it was fun to be with her, to just talk and laugh and be happy. Soon we developed feelings for each other, and before you know it, we were going out and life was great.
Everything else falls into place when your soul is happy.
Back to the present:
So here i am back at square one, went from being lonely to happy to just being by-myself.
Now, everyday is exactly like the one before it, weekdays are spent working so i can earn enough to barely get by, and weekends are spent losing my self in music and games so i can cope with the week that was.
Okay so the title maybe a little over the top, but i do feel something new for a girl i've seen. We moved to a new office-space recently and are sharing it with a team from another company and I have not even met everyone yet. But there is this gal that i've seen around.
I don't know what it is that is making me feel this way about her but i really find her very cute to look at, just haven't had the nerve to walk up to her yet.
Because knowing how i am, my face will be a dead giveaway, i'm horrible at holding a poker face, so that's why i haven't even talked to her yet, plus we're only here for a while, and will move soon.
Welcome any comments!
Mondays are the always worst, but this tuesday for some reason was horrible.
Not for the obvious "its only the second day of the week" reason.
But because when i left office at 11pm after my 2-11pm shift and went to KFC, i realised that after all this work that im doing to make a living, here i am eating bymyself.
It really shook my faith that all of this effort and hardwork is worth it, that life is more than surviving.
No one ever knows the sadness thats deep in your heart.
All that anyone ever sees is whats on the outside.
Try and try again to open up your heart to someone only to have it broken and crushed.
Hi,
I'm new to this site and look forward to making some nice and genuine friends, those interested just email me!
Take care! :)
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