This is a small idea of what I think makes & breaks a relationship.
To start out with there has to be a strong physical attraction. It is usually the "looks" of a person that catches your attention. Not always though. Sometimes it can be the way a person handles themselves in certain situations, the way they speak, even the way they carry themselves.
You have to be good friends before you can be good partners. Too many people get attracted to one another & jump right into a relationship without really knowing each other. You have to take the time to get to know one another to find out if the compatibilty is there. You do not want to end up with someone that you love to look at, but can not stand to be around because of incompatibility.
Too many people focus on the exterior & fail to look at what is inside. If this is all they care about, they should just remain single & have one night stands, because they will probably never find compatible partner for a couple of reasons.
1. There is always going to be better looking than what they have & will never be happy, because they will always be looking around the corner for the next best thing.
2. They will not be able to be with the person that they are with because of indifferences.
There has to be communication & understanding in a relationship. Both parties should be quick to talk about any arising problems. Both should also be able to listen & try to understand the problems. The key is to not always think that you are right, but try to work out a solution together as a team.(Because you love one another & wish to stay together.) It is this that most times causes people to split, cheat, lie, & violence within a relationship. You can not let indifferences buid up & destroy your relationship.
People have to remain being whom they were in the beginning of the relationship & not be forced into becoming someone that they do not want to be.
Honesty is a must, you must always be honest for the simple reason that you would want your mate to be honest with you. It is a respect thing.
Caring is also another must, you have to make time to listen to what is important to your mate. If you stop showing that you care, at the very least they will have a problem with it. They may even start looking elsewhere for someone that does care. You have to show & tell that you care.
You have to be loving towards your mate. It is just common sense that if your mate kisses you, you should kiss back. Also take the time to initiate the kisses. It is the simple little gestures that add up to make a big differences. To be continued.....
This is just a little something on how I feel that emotion can over ride logic while in a relationship.
Emotions can be a very tricky thing to deal with. How is it that you can be in a relationship with someone that treats you badly & you know that deep down inside they are obviously not the right person for you. But yet because you love the person you continue to try to hang on, even when they are trying to push away. Logic would tell you that if they are trying to push away & treating you badly, that you do not want that person anyway. Why would you want someone who does not want you?
There could be a lot of simple reasons behind that, but the bottom line is the big picture tells you that you do not want or need that person.
Another example would be that you have a partner that is continueously doing things to make you jeolous. You have expressed your feelings about it to him/her but the message just does not seem to get through. In all reality expressing the jeolous feelings 9 times out of 10 will just make the person causing it to resent you for feeling that way, not understanding why you feel that way. Bottom line is feeling jeolous is a horrible feeling & why would you want a partner who makes you feel horrible? Because of the love that you feel, but how can you love someone who makes you feel that way? Bottom line, time to move on & find someone who makes you feel good. More later...
Loyalty is a big factor, you should always let your partner know that you stand behind him or her, even if there has to be some compromises made to be able to do it.
Emotions should always be present to show him/her how you are truley feeling. You can not come off like something is not bothering you when it really is. It is all part of the communication process, just in a different more personal way.
Always be yourself, that is the person that your mate fell in love with. Do not let anything change who you are & want to be. By becoming someone different it will cause your mate to fall out of love with you.
Do not let everyday problems interfere with the relationship. Always keep in mind that there is always a new day around the corner & things always have a way of working themselves out.
Change is inevitable & sometimes couples just grow apart due to changing directions. It is the couples that have a handle on all of the things mentioned above that can usually survive the changes.
Logic....You just have to keep in mind that every action has a reaction. A positive action will 9 times out of 10 get a positive reaction.
Eg. Do not try to make your partner jeolous just to see what his/her reaction will be. He/she will either be jeolous & withhold his/her feelings (Letting it build up or forcing him/her to be someone that he/she does not want to be. One way or another.), approach you & show jeolousy (No one wants to be jeolous.), or maybe not show any reaction at all which will make you worry. In any case it is uneeded & should be avoided at all cost. Just be yourself & let your partner love you for who you really are.
All of the thing above are related to one another & can cause a snowball effect by just one little slip up. But if you have a handle on just a few of these things, chances are that your relationship can survive as long as you can hold onto a few of these things. If you start letting these things slip away one by one, your relationship will ultimately fail.
These are just some of my observations & conclusions that I have come to over the years. These are merely my opinions & my interpretation.
Following these guidelines is a very hard thing to do, because once you do not follow one it will cause another problem to appear....thus the snowball effect.
Just remain yourself & (Also allow your partner to be who he/she is.)be a little flexible & things should be fine. When you encounter a problem, just think of how you acted towards your partner in the beginning of the relationship & try to be that person again. That is who your partner fell in love with. Always remember it takes two to make a relationship work, if one stops the other will sense or get the idea that you do not care & most likely be unhappy about it.
Love can be a very great thing, but can also be very, very complicated to the point where it changes a persons own personal convictions & beliefs. Walls never help anyone, they only hide the true person. Just be yourself no matter how much you have been hurt in the past. Every new relationship should be just that, "new". Do not drag past issues into a new relationship, you will just set it up to fail. Instead learn from each relationship & create a what you are looking for in a mate list and then look for those qualities in a potential mate. Do not settle, unless your list is unrealistic. In that case I do not know what to tell you, but good luck with that tall order.
I am sure that I am forgetting something, it is a pretty huge & complicated subject. I just hope that I wrote this in a way that someone will understand & that it may actually help out.
Is anyone out there? Does anyone think I am nuts? I will stop rambling. Can not help but just being me. Love me, hate me, rate me, just being me!!! Take care & just live to love!!! Tom
P.S. I want ANYONE who actually read this far to feel free to comment...good, bad, or ugly, say what is on your mind!!!
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