I have not had contact with my sister in quite a few years. However, over the course of the past year, I felt something inside me, needing to find her. But it was too late. It wasn't I that had found her, it was a family member who was searching for me. Searching to tell me, that my sister had passed away. She died of a drug overdose, alone, in her bed. She was only 38. I beg of you, if you ever feel that your life is not worth living, to find someone to talk too. There are many of us here on this site, who will listen, and who know, that there is a better way to live, and how to find true happiness. The road is not always easy, but there are people to help out, along our paths in life. All you have to do is ask. There is never a need to feel all alone in this world. Here is a poem I wrote in remembrance of my sister.
My heart is overwhelmed by the sorrow in my heart.
The emptiness and pain I feel, has so many emotions,Where do I start?
It is not how your life ended that I remember when thinking of you,
It is about 2 little girls playing,snuggling when scared, and our many visits
to the zoo.
A life so tragically ended, everywhere I look you are not there.
I can only look out at my ocean, as my eyes fill with tears and a blank stare.
People say to me, But for the grace of God thats not you.
But what they don't understand ,is that I wanted it that way for you too.
I am learning to accept it, as I go through my day to day life.
All I can think of is the things you havent experienced, and that brings me
the most strife.
If there is one thing I can pass along, to the people who take time to read
this,
It is saying all those things unspoken to one another, and fear not the risk.
I make a pledge to you, to enjoy life best that I can.
And just know even though you are not here,you will always be a part of
who I am.
Lovingly your sister Lori
Goodbye Kandy
December 7,1969-May 8, 2008
I have 2 boys,10 and 13. It will be two years ago tommorrow, that their father passed away. It was sudden, unexpected, and he was only 46. He became my friend over the years, even though we were not together. Their incredible strength, will to go on and persevere, and struggles to finally get some acceptance,have been the most amazing qualities, I have seen in any human beings. It hasn't been easy for them or for me. And some days are better than others. Helping them go through their grief, has also helped me go through mine. The ability for them, at such a young age, to be able to express their anger,grief,sense of loss is so amazing to me. They say that something good always comes out of a bad situation. My oldest has helped others in his school, to develop a program for other children, who have lost a parent. All because he freely expressed to a teacher, how much he missed his daddy. My other son, saw a friend in school crying, because his father just passed away, and he was able to comfort him. Their father has a recovery house named after him, for all the men and women he has helped to get their lives back together. But most importantly, they have inherited his heart. The one that says, it is by helping others, that we grow as human beings, and get the biggest reward. The one thing this has taught me is, to cherish the people we have in our lives, we just don't know how long we have them for. Tomorrow, the children have decided to go fishing in honor of their father. They say that he would have wanted them to do something fun, and to live their lives.
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