At the moment I’m not in Texas but at home in Denmark on vacation. It’s great to see my dad and my sister-in-law, but yesterday my ex-boyfriend called and wanted to catch up over a cup of coffee.
We both know that there’s no chance in hell that we will ever get back together. We were high school sweethearts and lived together, engaged to be married when I finished my bachelor. But my dad had a stroke and I left school for one semester (6 months) to nurse him back to health, and afterwards I studied during the day and cared for him in the afternoons.
By fiancée felt neglected, but instead of talking to me about it he began to have an affair with my best friend.
The level of betrayal I felt was so devastating I cut them both out of my life. I needed their support so badly because it was such a hard time for me and instead they decided to hurt me and lie to me.
But we grew up together and I know his family, so I wanted to see him and hear what he had to say about his own life, his family’s life and our friends’.
But seeing him was so hard. I took me so long to get over him and start trusting other people, and today felt like going back in time.
I was surprised to learn that he is now engaged to my former best friend – but on the bright side at least I wasn’t hurting because of a superficial flirt. It somehow makes me feel better knowing that there were actual feelings involved – it explains why they couldn’t resist betraying me, even though I don’t consider it an excuse.
He wanted to apologize for all the things he did to me and the way he hurt me. Somehow I got the feeling that he wanted back in my life and missed me. I didn’t tell him, but I really don’t miss him – makes me think that I’ve finally gotten over him.
I gave him my e-mail address but I’m not sure I’m interested in keeping in touch. He’s the past – now is now. Why linger when the things we had together will never return, never be the same?
Makes me think of the song by One Republic: “Apologize”.
The lyric goes:
I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
Okay, here's the deal:
I'm stuck in this country for approximately 4-5 years due to education. If I want any real experience in my field this country is definitely also the place to be and a green card should not be hard to get as a full educated doctor. Mm?
So by the time it would be rational for me to think about "going home" (originate from Denmark, Scandinavia) I've reached at least 30 years, probably even 35.
I'm not gonna but my romantic life at a standstill while here, so it's not very possible I won't at some point meet a guy that makes me wanna marry and have children.
Considering the overwhelming percentage of Americans in America (D'oh!) chances are that I'm gonna end up with an American.
Because of very strict immigrant laws in Denmark, he/we should be very lucky for him to be granted a citizenship or even just allowance to live there with me for longer periods of time.
On top of that he would have to learn the Danish language which is in the "Hardest Languages to Learn Properly" Hall of Fame.
It rates the same level of difficulty as Finish and Chinese and Xhosa, the East African click language.
Therefore it is very logical to assume that we will choose to live in the US.
I should SO have thought of this sooner.
But given a scholarship at the age of 22 my only thoughts were: "Yay! Baseball, hot hillbillies and Cadillacs here I come!"
Is it worth it? Could I do this?
I like America a lot, but living here... Forever? Marrying here, having children here, grow old here... Dying here? Buried here?
I feel overwhelmed by these thoughts.
NorseMedic Blog (2)