frustration to tranquility

This morning, I had a call from my wife. Ever since we separated, those have usually meant some sort of emotional pain or stress. I fought so hard to do as much good for her during my own distress and it seemed like no matter how many times I thought we came to an agreement we could both live with, something would later be wrong with it in her mind. I'm so tired of covering old ground that I just couldn't handle it again. I actually broke down due to the absolute frustration of not being able to make any progress at all with her. She's the only one who has ever reduced me to tears. I'm so sick of that happening. Thankfully, she finally seems to have a sense of where I've stood all along. She just wanted me to tell her that I understood how hard things were for her now and why she got so upset prior times. I did. She said nothing whatsoever that has further added in any way to my understanding of her situation. Thankfully, I think she at last has a better grip on my situation and that despite its comparative physical an financial safety, I have other issues to deal with. I have fantastic parents and we get along very well. However, I'm just not a child anymore. Things just aren't the same. Due to my transportation difficulties, I find myself brought back full circle in many ways. There's no point in going to a bar or club unless I'm actually going with somebody. I would almost certainly get lost and my chances of meeting the more intelectual and thoughtful kind of person I'm interested in would be next to nothing. Somehow, I've got to connect with people who don't mind doing the navigating and/or driving. Memorizing bus routs is a very hard process for me and keeping them in my hed is impossible unless I regularly use them. If I found somebody actually interested in a serious relationship, I'd certainly take the time to learn how to get to their place if it was at all possible for me. However, I'm not about to spend five or six weeks trying to learn a rout I might use two or three times.

I don't think Rebecca had any sense of just how thoroughly my social life has been reduced. Now, she does at last. I can dare to hope that from now on, she'll leave the past behind us and just be as happy as she can in her circumstances. I tried to make those happier for her for five years but given the communication trouble we've had, it's just obvious my efforts would have been much better spent elsewere.

I got to see Stranger Thn Fiction again this afternoon. I got hold of the descriptive audio and that was a real treet. It was a great movy even without description and was even more moving with the missing details. I guess I needed that sense of things turning out for the best and so many other truths that movy brings into focus. Any serious reader hould catch Stranger than Fiction if they can. It's not my usual cup of tea at all but I occasionally find completely unexpected things to be very enjoyable. Each ime a treasure like that comes along, it restores hope in me for no real explicable reason at all. It certainly doesn't change my current social situation. Perhaps though, my words here today will prompt others to benefit from this somewhat off-the-main-path film. I like to think some good comes out of all this extra typing I'm doing here.