Confidence

I have been accused of lacking confidence. Afraid to make eye contact right off and looking down at my hands a lot when I first meet someone. Sometimes I crack a joke at my own expense before anyone else can. For all modesty sake I believe myself to be average in looks, no better than the next person. Weight has been a thing I have struggled with since being a teen. I am heavier set and always will be. This is something I have accepted completely. My personality is AMAZING. My 'lack of confidence' unfortunately is not within myself, but within others I meet and I'm around. People can be cruel and I have lost confidence that people can be accepting, nice, and live by the rule that 'if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all'. No matter who I meet there is always that wall up for me. That they may be one of 'those' people who have not learned the rules to be kind to one another. Words do hurt, but as I have grown older I just don't have time for 'those' types of people. THEY are a waste of my time. If they can't see the good in me they can bugger off.

If I don't make eye contact and I am looking down, it's because I dread meeting another one of 'THOSE' people, as it seems more times than not I have met one. Everyone is with flaws, just wish that I wasn't accused of one I do not have. I savagelove lack confidence in the fact people can be accepting and act appropriate towards others that may be 'different' in whatever way, that it is not myself that I am unhappy with.