Why Love Turns into Hate part 1

Does love really turn into hate? Really speaking it does not. Real love never changes into hate or
anything else. By deliberation, meditation, or dwelling upon an object one develops
attraction or attachment for the object. This attachment leads to desire to possess and enjoy the
object. This desire, or is taken or mistaken for love. But it is only a thought of the mode of passion
The modes are always in flux. This gives rise to different qualities. When one’s desire is
not fulfilled, anger arises . Anger is a family member of hatred, and it leads
to destructive thoughts and actions.
A soul is part of the Gods energy. It can find enduring solace only when it is united with the God
But when the soul identifies and becomes engrossed in the material body, the outcome is duality.
The soul feels lost like a baby lost from the mother. In that lost state, out of ignorance, it looks for
union in material relations. The root cause of this urge to unite with someone in a loving manner is a
spiritual one. There is also an undercurrent of fear—fear of loneliness, fear of losing one’s self (the
body), and the things related to the self such as family members, relatives and possessions. This is
because of duality arising from misidentification with the material body.
There is a deep and unconscious longing to end the duality and to attain a state of completeness.
When one identifies with the body there is always an inner feeling of void and emptiness.
At the physical level nobody is complete or perfect. It is not possible. One is considering oneself to be
a man or woman, i.e., only one half of the whole. Therefore, at the bodily level the desire for
completeness manifests as an attraction to the opposite gender. It is like the irresistible attraction
between the opposite poles of a magnet. The s*xual union is the closest completeness one can attain
at the level of the body. This is the most attractive and most satisfying activity at the physical level.
But this is also the most binding and delusive activity because it completely entrenches one in the
bodily concept of life. To believe that “falling in love” is genuine love is the most powerful and
pervasive misconception. Therefore all the
great religions of the world have laid down certain restrictions on the union between man and
woman.
The male-female union seems to offer a release from the deep-rooted state of fear and
incompleteness. But alas it is far from the truth and it is only a fleeting relief. It is a “sure to fail”
attempt for liberation. It is the ego’s substitute for salvation. The famous psychologist M.Scott Peck
describes falling in love as a partial and temporary collapse of one’s ego: “The act of falling in love is
an act of regression. The experience of merging with the loved one has its echoes from the time
when we were merged with our mothers in infancy.” A newborn baby does not have its own distinct
ego. There is no distinction between I and you. It and the world are one. There are no boundaries
that separate the infant from the rest of the world.
But as the child grows and gains experience, it begins to realize itself as a distinct entity from the rest
of the world. A sense of “me” begins to develop. Slowly its ego develops. The baby begins to learn its
own size and physical confines. It understands its voice, its thoughts and feelings. It knows about its
limitations. The knowledge of these limitations in one’s mind is called ego boundary. This process of
growth of the ego boundaries continues through childhood into adolescence and then into
adulthood. A grown up person feels lonely behind these bound