Russian Bride

So I figure I'm a pretty average fellow. I'm no prize but you could do a lot worse, etc. Frankly, there are a lot of men that have more to offer than I do. The one thing I do have to offer is a green card! Yes, you too can obtain that ever elusive permanent residency to the United States for the low low price of your dignity. Its a mutually beneficial deal. I'm lonely, you want to live here. You will be required to provide your own transportation to the United States.

Prior to marriage, you will be required to sign a prenuptial agreement. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not a wealthy man, not even rich; most likely I'm below average for men of my age. Its just that after you receive your green card and subsequently file for divorce, if I have to give up half, then I'm screwed.



The Fine Print:

This is an open ended contract as there is no timeline for Immigration and Naturalization to use to determine which marriages are out of "love" and which are to obtain immigration status. During the term of our marriage, you will be expected to appear as if you respect and love me. Consummation of marriage will take place within 3 hrs of conclusion of ceremony. Further "marital activities" shall be performed at the husband's (hereafter referred to as "the Citizen") discretion. You will also be expected to maintain your physical appearence to your best ability, at your expense.

Any deviation from these conditions may be considered a breach of contract and could result in your immediate deportation.