I hope this will help Someone out there. . . (65)
I cried. . . ALOT, ALOOOOOTTTT. I am surprised at how much I did cry. I guess some very large part of me had not been able to grieve b/c I had other issues to work through with my health, saving my life then fighting for, saving and preserving my fertility, over all thse years. As well as, the every day worries of survival: place to live, food, bills, etc.
However, I finally have grieved for all that we lost due to his drug/alcohol problems, my medical problems, both of our Infertility problems, our schooling, and our youthful inablity to handle it all, b/c we were in our Twenties. I, now, realise from participating in CS forums, that we had ALOT to face as a Young Couple.
Many Couples end up in our boat after many years together, growing old and having these issues come gradually with life changes, not suddenly, simultaneously and in multiple areas, as we did. In retrospect to me, now, it is not that surprising that our Marriage did not survive this, very few Young Marriages would.
I did not realise any of this until recently in participation in the forums. But in sharing with CS, I was able to see insights that I could not see before.
I kissed his gravestone, through my tears and even though, I cried on the more than two hour drive home, it is a much easier cry and a vastly different pain.
Also, funny as it is to say it, I can feel Him beside me, His arm around me, as I type this. Earlier, I heard his voice, loud and clear when I stopped @ a gas station on the way back to wash my face. He said:
"Beautiful, Vivid, Green Eyes".
Which was one of His deepest heartfelt ways of talking to me. But instead of it hurting, it brought comfort, a flood of warmth, relief and Hope.
I realise in typing this email, that I need to use part of it to make a thread and share it with CS to bring someone out there that needs this hope and comfort.
Something tells me there is someone that needs to read these words, {name of whom I was writting Deleted, out of respect}.
However, I finally have grieved for all that we lost due to his drug/alcohol problems, my medical problems, both of our Infertility problems, our schooling, and our youthful inablity to handle it all, b/c we were in our Twenties. I, now, realise from participating in CS forums, that we had ALOT to face as a Young Couple.
Many Couples end up in our boat after many years together, growing old and having these issues come gradually with life changes, not suddenly, simultaneously and in multiple areas, as we did. In retrospect to me, now, it is not that surprising that our Marriage did not survive this, very few Young Marriages would.
I did not realise any of this until recently in participation in the forums. But in sharing with CS, I was able to see insights that I could not see before.
I kissed his gravestone, through my tears and even though, I cried on the more than two hour drive home, it is a much easier cry and a vastly different pain.
Also, funny as it is to say it, I can feel Him beside me, His arm around me, as I type this. Earlier, I heard his voice, loud and clear when I stopped @ a gas station on the way back to wash my face. He said:
"Beautiful, Vivid, Green Eyes".
Which was one of His deepest heartfelt ways of talking to me. But instead of it hurting, it brought comfort, a flood of warmth, relief and Hope.
I realise in typing this email, that I need to use part of it to make a thread and share it with CS to bring someone out there that needs this hope and comfort.
Something tells me there is someone that needs to read these words, {name of whom I was writting Deleted, out of respect}.
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Wow so many views, not a single post? Seriously, comments are welcome. . . there has to be others of you out there. . . 
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You are such a beautiful person and I am glad you are receiving your healing and hope for a bright future!!!
I know your words will help many others who are hurting, to gain relief and hope.
Thanks for your encouragement through your experience shared!!!
I know your words will help many others who are hurting, to gain relief and hope.
Thanks for your encouragement through your experience shared!!!
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Ide rather mail you as I dont beleive the beautiful soul and the rest of your makeup has anything to do with god and nor your choices in the coming horizons that await you
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HealthyLiving: You are such a beautiful person and I am glad you are receiving your healing and hope for a bright future!!!
I know your words will help many others who are hurting, to gain relief and hope.
Thanks for your encouragement through your experience shared!!!
I know your words will help many others who are hurting, to gain relief and hope.
Thanks for your encouragement through your experience shared!!!
Thank-you, HL, for both your wonderful words and the encoragement that it will help others as well as your beautiful well wishing. How are you, btw, Beautiful Sister?
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Mercedes1: Ide rather mail you as I dont beleive the beautiful soul and the rest of your makeup has anything to do with god and nor your choices in the coming horizons that await you
Thank -you.
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CjTenorSax: Wow so many views, not a single post? Seriously, comments are welcome. . . there has to be others of you out there. . .
life has never been easy there are always different paths to chose an bridges to cross. an for you to over come your obstacles that life has thrown u just goes to show how truely special you can be an that you got the strenght to keep on going an am proud to have you as my friend. ------ This thread is Archived ------
CjTenorSax: Thank-you, HL, for both your wonderful words and the encoragement that it will help others as well as your beautiful well wishing. How are you, btw, Beautiful Sister?
I am good, as long as I can share uplifting and encouragement in the threads, then my purpose is being fulfilled. I live for it. Thanks for the opportunity sister!
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Hopefully we grow as we move along.
I have had a serious thought for the owner/s of C.S. to contemplate - maybe a resident schycologist ( i have no idea how to spell the word so therefore i can't look it up - catch 22!) - not an agony aunt - would be a nice pay back to the "community".
I see a desparate need for it.
Someone who could maybe do a weekly contribution on life issues?
I wish you everything you wish for yourself.
I have had a serious thought for the owner/s of C.S. to contemplate - maybe a resident schycologist ( i have no idea how to spell the word so therefore i can't look it up - catch 22!) - not an agony aunt - would be a nice pay back to the "community".
I see a desparate need for it.
Someone who could maybe do a weekly contribution on life issues?
I wish you everything you wish for yourself.
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Apostophe: Hopefully we grow as we move along.I have had a serious thought for the owner/s of C.S. to contemplate - maybe a resident schycologist ( i have no idea how to spell the word so therefore i can't look it up - catch 22!) - not an agony aunt - would be a nice pay back to the "community".
I see a desparate need for it.
Someone who could maybe do a weekly contribution on life issues?.
I see a desparate need for it.
Someone who could maybe do a weekly contribution on life issues?.
That is a good Suggestion. I hope they are reading this. BTW, I can help you with the spelling it is "Psychologist"
I wish you everything you wish for yourself.
Thank-you very much.
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Peace and hope for you.
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coolieno1: life has never been easy there are always different paths to chose an bridges to cross. an for you to over come your obstacles that life has thrown u just goes to show how truely special you can be an that you got the strenght to keep on going an am proud to have you as my friend.
I, also, am proud to have you as my Friend and Little Brother. Thank-you for all your encouragement. Your wonderful words are always up lifting. Thank-you very much.
BTW ALL, I realize I made a mistake in my thread, due to my Dyslexia. I have been alone for 23 yrs not 32. Sorry
Talk about making oneself older than they are
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HealthyLiving: I am good, as long as I can share uplifting and encouragement in the threads, then my purpose is being fulfilled. I live for it. Thanks for the opportunity sister!
Thanks is from me for your wonderful words! You are always welcome. I am glad you feel the way you do. I hope you are always the way you are.
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NAKEDMUDPEOPLE: Peace and hope for you.
Thank-you, very much.
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adamask, Thankyou, my friend. 
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Sounds as if you had a soulful cleansing today. A fresh start to your new life, for you as you wish.
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CjTenorSax: I, also, am proud to have you as my Friend and Little Brother. Thank-you for all your encouragement. Your wonderful words are always up lifting. Thank-you very much.BTW ALL, I realize I made a mistake in my thread, due to my Dyslexia. I have been alone for 23 yrs not 32. Sorry Talk about making oneself older than they are
anytime ------ This thread is Archived ------
nurcnurc: Sounds as if you had a soulful cleansing today. A fresh start to your new life, for you as you wish.
Thank-you, very much. It was very cleansing. I, also, hope the freash start is as I asked.
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Created: Apr 2009
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- s*xual skills
- Ladies
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- Have it both ways!
- Unions support Democrats!
- See It All The Time
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- Why is this shameful?
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- Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
I had to travel today, for a job fuction. It was a more than two hour trip which also happened to be in the vincinity of My Early Newly Wedded Life. I am a beliver that G-d has a purpose for us being where we are in life, places, times, etc.
Afterwards, I travelled the area, such shocks!!! Most all the farms are gone and huge palatial houses stand in the middle of fields we tilled. I ended up in the Family Church attending Mass, saw some members of His family.
Then, I went to the Church, where my Husband and I were Married and where He and his youngest Brother, a Doctor, {John was an EEAP, we met on the Rifle Team and were in the same EEAP Program @ University}, is buried, as are Grammpa/Gramma.
I told Him and all of them I am moving from Ohio to New York. His Parents moved to Colorado about ~ 2 years ago according to Uncle Ralph.
I also said Goodbye, that I might stop one last time on the way to Rochester, New York,(this Summer, I hope if the $$$ comes together}, to say a final, permanent goodbye, b/c I feel that once I get up to New York, I will most likely never return to Ohio.
But, that it is my turn to have life. A full Life after all the surgeries and heart break I have had. It is now my turn to have the things, He did, now that I am Medically stable.
After a life of many Medical Problems and 15+ Surgeries, since I was a Premie Newborn who's Twin Brother did not make it.
Even though, I still am facing just two more surgeries, things are finally coming together, so now I can finally Hope and reach for the normal things in life and feel that I now have somthing to offer a Guy other than Debt and sitting in a surgery waiting room.
I told Him I still Loved Him and I forgive Him for the hurt He caused. I asked him for His forgivness for the hurt I caused, as well, B/c, you know, it takes two to Tango. Also, that we are able to finally forgive ourselves, and have G-d's Perfect Peace, as well.
I told Him I was ready to find a new Mate. That I need to have someone to share the burdens with. I have been alone for 32 years now, and I no longer wish to be alone.
I asked His Blessing and His Prayers to G-d to finally prosper finacially and for a good, long life filled with a New, Loving Husband, Children and finishing my Education, so I could Serve in G-d's purpose in creating me, that I have always felt a calling to do: to Teach on the University Level.
Con't below