Joke Thread (3)
Harry dies and goes to heaven. On his introductory tour he's shown a huge shed full of clocks. Each clock represents a persons life, explains an angel. If you see a clocks hand moving very quickly. It means that the person has commited some act of stupidity and so shortened there exsistence. Thats interesting says Harry, it would be fun to see a celebritys clock. Could you point out Brian Cowens for instance? Im afraid not replies the Angel, " Its up in the office, weve been using it as a fan.
Girls first time
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
Excuse me, What were you thinkin’?
As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
Excuse me, What were you thinkin’?
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Created: Aug 2009
Last Viewed: May 9
Last Commented: Aug 2009
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The thread is what it says, so get your joke books out, go online do what it takes to make each other laugh, whether they be one-liners, paragraphs or essays. Even if you think there crap so what, I know the world is full of stand up comics and the Irish are renowed for it so come on jump in.
Ill start with a couple
....... A bachelor asks a computer dating agency to find him the perfect mate " I want a companion who is small and cute" he says "She must love water sports and enjoy group activities" The computer says- Marry a penguin.
A woman looking for a boyfriend takes out a personal ad in the paper. It reads " Wanted: a good lover who wont run out on me" A few days later her doorbell rings. She answers it and, lying on her doormat, is a man with no arms or legs. " Im responding to your add" he says. " You must be joking! You dont have any arms or legs!" says the woman. " I know " says the man " but in your add you said you wanted a man who wouldnt run out on you", "Yes" agrees the woman. "But I also want a good lover" The man replies, "Well, how do you think I rang the doorbell"