What have you............. ( Archived) (7)

I was sitting today for hours trying to sort out a problem that a very close friend left behind when she died recently. She was aware that she was going to die, yet hadnt put anything into place for her teenage son who has special needs. She didnt sort out legal gaurdian etc..and now, the mess it horrendous.

His IQ is too high for Diability Services, his mental health is not affected, yet he cant cut up his own food. Why, because his mother cosseted him so much that he has no life skills at all. He has been left a legacy that will affect every aspect of his life..the edges are now fraying and his life is unravelling.

Her death made me sit back and think about what I need to do for my son, decide who he will live with if the need arises. To sort out the financial arangements and have everything in order should I go on my merry way to the disco in the sky.

There are a group of us who are in similar position and when we looked at each other at her funeral I raised the question..”What have you in place?”

No one did...........


What life skills have you passed on to your children/nieces/nephews/ grandchildren?
What have you been taught by others

Very good post .... I was just thinking about this today, because of something my son said, it sounds like he and my daughters already have a few possession of mine earmarked ....

I am lucky, they will be ok, they and the family are healthy and strong but as for my procrastination regarding getting a legal will drawn up .... No, it's not done yet, and it is very important, thanks for the reminder.

I know in some ways it is a morbid subject, but after the discussions that went on today, it got me thinking.

I thought about not just the practical aspects but of the other little things that we take for granted in life.

Little things such as "manners". My friend made every excuse under the son for her son's, at times, extremely rude behaviour,reasoning that he had Autism. Now that she isnt here, he is struggling with others adn the impact his behaviour is having on others.

She and I had "words" over the years about these difficulties that she was creating for him. With having observed her, I made a consious decision to ensure my son could pass himself where ever he went. He is known in his school for his old fashioned manners
I was brought up to believe, should it be that you dont have anything, you will always open a door with "manners"......

Fortunately my two kids are healthy and can look after themselves as they both have good jobs and no dependency issues.

As for what I, or their father have passed on, I really don´t know for sure, but I do know that they are "normal", loving adults without having suffered any great traumas in their lives, and that they love us both equally, despite being apart. We all care about each other, kids and parents, and maintain regular contact.

As for the financial side of things, I have life insurance and assets which will be divided between my son and daughter in the event of my death, and my ex has done the same.

Hi Jan

Looks like you have passed something on afterall... Its a legacy that will travel through generations

Hi you!

And perhaps I have, or we have (me and ex hubby). I hope so anyway.