A few tips for parents (5)
leostartingover: A year or two ago I went and did a workshop with a wonderful Irish psychologist called Dr Tony Humphreys, who has written many books and is somewhat of an expert on self esteem. I bought a few of his books and refer to them often in the workshops I do with children...
I recently came across some of the notes I made from the workshop, and thought I'd share a few with you:
TIPS FOR PARENTS
Kids only perform well when they feel good about themselves, so try to promote self-esteem.
Boo less and cheer more!
Praise should always be unconditional and specific – no BUTS!
Constant criticism simply increases negativity – it does NOT improve performance.
Never simply accept the positive as being the norm.
Don’t just jump in and judge your child’s behaviour. ALWAYS ASK. Dr. Tony Humphreys talks about the five Ws – WHY?… (are you doing that) WHAT?... (is upsetting you) WHEN?... (is this happening) WHO?... (is causing you to feel that way) WHERE?... (is this taking place). He believes that kids are masters at using behaviour to let us know when something is wrong in their lives. Find out the intention of the behaviour.
Be your kid’s champion! Trust in him and believe that he will be the best he can be. Love him unconditionally – for who he is and not for what he achieves!
Remember, success doesn’t make your child important – his mere presence does. An examination is simply a measure of your child’s knowledge of the questions asked – NOT a measure of his intelligence. He needs to know that HE IS NOT AN EXAM RESULT nor is he A SUCCESS RESULT. Success addiction is one of the most debilitating conditions and leads to men having heart attacks at far too young an age! Bill Gates said “The greatest impediment to people’s progress is success!” Michael J Fox said: “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can strive for but perfection is God’s business!”
Don’t confuse your self with what you DO – and the same goes for your children…. Don’t confuse the person with the behaviour.
Embrace failure – it is an opportunity for you to teach and for your child to learn. It is as much an opportunity as success.
Remember, just as it is with you in your career or in your relationships – lack of recognition is the single biggest cause of burnout, resulting in greatly reduced performance – the same goes for your child.
Blanchard & Carew stated “Don’t wait for people to do something really special before you praise them – go out and find something to praise them for.”
Remember, stress never improves performance. It does the opposite. Beware of putting excessive pressure on your child.
I recently came across some of the notes I made from the workshop, and thought I'd share a few with you:
TIPS FOR PARENTS
Kids only perform well when they feel good about themselves, so try to promote self-esteem.
Boo less and cheer more!
Praise should always be unconditional and specific – no BUTS!
Constant criticism simply increases negativity – it does NOT improve performance.
Never simply accept the positive as being the norm.
Don’t just jump in and judge your child’s behaviour. ALWAYS ASK. Dr. Tony Humphreys talks about the five Ws – WHY?… (are you doing that) WHAT?... (is upsetting you) WHEN?... (is this happening) WHO?... (is causing you to feel that way) WHERE?... (is this taking place). He believes that kids are masters at using behaviour to let us know when something is wrong in their lives. Find out the intention of the behaviour.
Be your kid’s champion! Trust in him and believe that he will be the best he can be. Love him unconditionally – for who he is and not for what he achieves!
Remember, success doesn’t make your child important – his mere presence does. An examination is simply a measure of your child’s knowledge of the questions asked – NOT a measure of his intelligence. He needs to know that HE IS NOT AN EXAM RESULT nor is he A SUCCESS RESULT. Success addiction is one of the most debilitating conditions and leads to men having heart attacks at far too young an age! Bill Gates said “The greatest impediment to people’s progress is success!” Michael J Fox said: “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can strive for but perfection is God’s business!”
Don’t confuse your self with what you DO – and the same goes for your children…. Don’t confuse the person with the behaviour.
Embrace failure – it is an opportunity for you to teach and for your child to learn. It is as much an opportunity as success.
Remember, just as it is with you in your career or in your relationships – lack of recognition is the single biggest cause of burnout, resulting in greatly reduced performance – the same goes for your child.
Blanchard & Carew stated “Don’t wait for people to do something really special before you praise them – go out and find something to praise them for.”
Remember, stress never improves performance. It does the opposite. Beware of putting excessive pressure on your child.
writing down in my notebook for future 
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ali110: writing down in my notebook for future
It might be easier to just cut and paste Ali!!!
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leostartingover: It might be easier to just cut and paste Ali!!!
Hi Leo ,How r u ? 
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ali110: Hi Leo ,How r u ?
Good thanks Ali! The sun is shining, it's a beautiful spring day here and thank goodness the wind we had for a couple of days has gone. My younger son is coming back from his school camp later, and I can't WAIT to see him! So all is good in this neck of the woods!
How about you?------ This thread is Archived ------
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I recently came across some of the notes I made from the workshop, and thought I'd share a few with you:
TIPS FOR PARENTS
Kids only perform well when they feel good about themselves, so try to promote self-esteem.
Boo less and cheer more!
Praise should always be unconditional and specific – no BUTS!
Constant criticism simply increases negativity – it does NOT improve performance.
Never simply accept the positive as being the norm.
Don’t just jump in and judge your child’s behaviour. ALWAYS ASK. Dr. Tony Humphreys talks about the five Ws – WHY?… (are you doing that) WHAT?... (is upsetting you) WHEN?... (is this happening) WHO?... (is causing you to feel that way) WHERE?... (is this taking place). He believes that kids are masters at using behaviour to let us know when something is wrong in their lives. Find out the intention of the behaviour.
Be your kid’s champion! Trust in him and believe that he will be the best he can be. Love him unconditionally – for who he is and not for what he achieves!
Remember, success doesn’t make your child important – his mere presence does. An examination is simply a measure of your child’s knowledge of the questions asked – NOT a measure of his intelligence. He needs to know that HE IS NOT AN EXAM RESULT nor is he A SUCCESS RESULT. Success addiction is one of the most debilitating conditions and leads to men having heart attacks at far too young an age! Bill Gates said “The greatest impediment to people’s progress is success!” Michael J Fox said: “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can strive for but perfection is God’s business!”
Don’t confuse your self with what you DO – and the same goes for your children…. Don’t confuse the person with the behaviour.
Embrace failure – it is an opportunity for you to teach and for your child to learn. It is as much an opportunity as success.
Remember, just as it is with you in your career or in your relationships – lack of recognition is the single biggest cause of burnout, resulting in greatly reduced performance – the same goes for your child.
Blanchard & Carew stated “Don’t wait for people to do something really special before you praise them – go out and find something to praise them for.”
Remember, stress never improves performance. It does the opposite. Beware of putting excessive pressure on your child.