Need an expert in child care"s advice. (38)
are you a therapist?
------ This thread is Archived ------
70Libra: WTF?
I was actually going to try to be supportive until I saw that comment
sorry, i just need to know where i'm going wrong with my children that they can love more than me a person who abondoned themI was actually going to try to be supportive until I saw that comment
------ This thread is Archived ------
Listen, it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. Young children especially have trouble when a parent leaves. You are being a good father, but he longs for his mother because she is not there. Think of it this way: a young child stays home all day with Mommy while Daddy works. When Daddy is finally home, the child is so excited! He misses Daddy so much. This is what happens also sometimes in situations like yours. Children are also naturally self-centered at first, so they don't understand that you are caring for them , loving them, and providing for them. All they know is they miss Mommy. Give it some time. You will all be ok. And as they grow they will be able to look back and see you were the one who was there for them. I will keep your little family in my prayers.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Another possible term would be they blame themselves for why their mother left them.
this is common within children; they ask and play the blame game.
"why did mom leave... did she not want Me/Us any more?"
"Did I do something to upset Mom to make her leave?"
"Was I not good enough that mom didn't feel like loving me?"
"did mom even love me to begin with?"
the first thing to do is rebel.... Rebel against anyone who tries to make you happy and to understand your pain.
It isn't easy losing/Not having a Parent. It's just a grief proccess honestly.
Possibly take them to a childrens therapish and see what you can find out as their legal guardian.
sometimes Children like to open up to those in which they feel won't judge them, mostly parents or family members.
this is common within children; they ask and play the blame game.
"why did mom leave... did she not want Me/Us any more?"
"Did I do something to upset Mom to make her leave?"
"Was I not good enough that mom didn't feel like loving me?"
"did mom even love me to begin with?"
the first thing to do is rebel.... Rebel against anyone who tries to make you happy and to understand your pain.
It isn't easy losing/Not having a Parent. It's just a grief proccess honestly.
Possibly take them to a childrens therapish and see what you can find out as their legal guardian.
sometimes Children like to open up to those in which they feel won't judge them, mostly parents or family members.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Also, If she just took your child without permission I would have to bring that to court, you just don't up and leave your "Husband & kids" and expect to be able to take the kids whenever you want, they aren't her responsibility any more; She gave up that right just by walking out on you three.
Take it to the court before anything really does happen.
Take it to the court before anything really does happen.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Busyguy22: Another possible term would be they blame themselves for why their mother left them.
this is common within children; they ask and play the blame game.
"why did mom leave... did she not want Me/Us any more?"
"Did I do something to upset Mom to make her leave?"
"Was I not good enough that mom didn't feel like loving me?"
"did mom even love me to begin with?"the first thing to do is rebel.... Rebel against anyone who tries to make you happy and to understand your pain.
It isn't easy losing/Not having a Parent. It's just a grief proccess honestly.
Possibly take them to a childrens therapish and see what you can find out as their legal guardian.
sometimes Children like to open up to those in which they feel won't judge them, mostly parents or family members.
this is common within children; they ask and play the blame game.
"why did mom leave... did she not want Me/Us any more?"
"Did I do something to upset Mom to make her leave?"
"Was I not good enough that mom didn't feel like loving me?"
"did mom even love me to begin with?"the first thing to do is rebel.... Rebel against anyone who tries to make you happy and to understand your pain.
It isn't easy losing/Not having a Parent. It's just a grief proccess honestly.
Possibly take them to a childrens therapish and see what you can find out as their legal guardian.
sometimes Children like to open up to those in which they feel won't judge them, mostly parents or family members.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sampe1967: sorry, i just need to know where i'm going wrong with my children that they can love more than me a person who abondoned them
Keep doing what you are doing,you sound like a wonderful father,the movie thing is no big deal,kids go threw stages,they will like one thing this week,some thing else next week...It sounds like to me that you need to set down with your kids and the mom if possible and explain to them that you both love them and its not there fault,that adults some times fall out of love with each other,but will also love there kids no matter what.Maybe set up a time for the mom to visit with them once in a while if possible...good luck
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sampe1967: Ever... i have tried every thing to make them happy.......You need to be happy too, love and energy are like a bucket, you have to keep refilling it so that you have the resources to meet the needs of others. Make sure that you are meeting some of your needs too
each morning i try to figure out what they would like for .....Sometimes we give young children too many choices and that becomes confusing. By all means let them choose between 2 things ie 'You can have eggs or cornflakes this morning' in doing this you are encouraging them to learn to make decisions with out being overwhelming
most days i am late for work, up to three hours sometime. Why? you have responsibilites to yourself, your children and your employer, cut down the choices, you will cut down the time wasting. Have a routine, and do your best to stick to it, lay the clothes out the night before, then time isnt wasted looking for items, pack school bags etc
when it is not school days, the little one will cry if i don't take him along with me to work. when ever i don't look busy he'll sit .... He loves you, he is likely feeling the impact of the change in family dynamics, be patient and understanding it will get better, and you are building a wonderful foundation for your future relationship.
and the 13yo will play music, watch movies or chat online all day. I allow her to brows freely because unknowing to her i monitor her ..... You sound like you are creating a great environment with firm fair discipline, that will encourage her to make good responsible choices in the future as she grows up.
Most evenings on my way home i have to stop and get them some treats like ice cream, chocolates etc. Why?? there is no rule that says children need to eat crap, or have treats all the time. Perhaps an alternative, is to save that $$ and once a week you all have a family outing as the treat.. bowling, movie, picnic at the beach. This is just my personal bias, in reality there is nothing wrong with giving your kiddies treats everyday
they have more computer games than any one i know and the widest variety of music, i try to overlook some of their mistakes which ...... Sounds to me like an incredibly loving happy wonderful home, and your kiddies are very lucky to have those games.
.... later she brought him back and he told me he loves his mom more than me. When a kid is put under pressure particularly by a parent, they will say what they think the adult wants to hear. Your wife was (in my opinion) very manipulative to do this. The child didnt want to hurt the mothers feelings just as they dont want to hurt yours.... I very much doubt that they love either of you more than the other..they will love you equally and likely miss mum and their old life
am i stupid for feeling disappointed in hearing that? NO you are human
My daughter has always loved movies but now i notice she only watches horror films. i have the thirteen parts of friday the 13th .... is something wrong with her?
My daughter died her hair black at 13 and became a goth .. thankfully at 15 she went back to being a girl, and not everything in my home is black anymore we are now stuck on vampires. Talk to her about what she is viewing, discuss plots, characters actions, the good the bad of the movie, it will open communication between you both, and help 'de' violence the movie.each morning i try to figure out what they would like for .....Sometimes we give young children too many choices and that becomes confusing. By all means let them choose between 2 things ie 'You can have eggs or cornflakes this morning' in doing this you are encouraging them to learn to make decisions with out being overwhelming
most days i am late for work, up to three hours sometime. Why? you have responsibilites to yourself, your children and your employer, cut down the choices, you will cut down the time wasting. Have a routine, and do your best to stick to it, lay the clothes out the night before, then time isnt wasted looking for items, pack school bags etc
when it is not school days, the little one will cry if i don't take him along with me to work. when ever i don't look busy he'll sit .... He loves you, he is likely feeling the impact of the change in family dynamics, be patient and understanding it will get better, and you are building a wonderful foundation for your future relationship.
and the 13yo will play music, watch movies or chat online all day. I allow her to brows freely because unknowing to her i monitor her ..... You sound like you are creating a great environment with firm fair discipline, that will encourage her to make good responsible choices in the future as she grows up.
Most evenings on my way home i have to stop and get them some treats like ice cream, chocolates etc. Why?? there is no rule that says children need to eat crap, or have treats all the time. Perhaps an alternative, is to save that $$ and once a week you all have a family outing as the treat.. bowling, movie, picnic at the beach. This is just my personal bias, in reality there is nothing wrong with giving your kiddies treats everyday
they have more computer games than any one i know and the widest variety of music, i try to overlook some of their mistakes which ...... Sounds to me like an incredibly loving happy wonderful home, and your kiddies are very lucky to have those games.
.... later she brought him back and he told me he loves his mom more than me. When a kid is put under pressure particularly by a parent, they will say what they think the adult wants to hear. Your wife was (in my opinion) very manipulative to do this. The child didnt want to hurt the mothers feelings just as they dont want to hurt yours.... I very much doubt that they love either of you more than the other..they will love you equally and likely miss mum and their old life
am i stupid for feeling disappointed in hearing that? NO you are human
My daughter has always loved movies but now i notice she only watches horror films. i have the thirteen parts of friday the 13th .... is something wrong with her?
I hope I've helped, I think you are doing an incredible job... I have a worked with children in my role as a teacher
------ This thread is Archived ------
Shell225: My daughter died her hair black at 13 and became a goth .. thankfully at 15 she went back to being a girl, and not everything in my home is black anymore we are now stuck on vampires. Talk to her about what she is viewing, discuss plots, characters actions, the good the bad of the movie, it will open communication between you both, and help 'de' violence the movie.
I hope I've helped, I think you are doing an incredible job... I have a worked with children in my role as a teacher
I hope I've helped, I think you are doing an incredible job... I have a worked with children in my role as a teacher
One of the best and wisest posts I have ever read in all the years on C.S. You are to be commended for your wisdom Shell.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Listen, it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. Young children especially have trouble when a parent leaves. You are being a good father, but he longs for his mother because she is not there. Think of it this way: a young child stays home all day with Mommy while Daddy works. When Daddy is finally home, the child is so excited! He misses Daddy so much. This is what happens also sometimes in situations like yours. Children are also naturally self-centered at first, so they don't understand that you are caring for them , loving them, and providing for them. All they know is they miss Mommy. Give it some time. You will all be ok. And as they grow they will be able to look back and see you were the one who was there for them. I will keep your little family in my prayers.[/quote]thanks, it thrills me to know people still believe in prayers.
------ This thread is Archived ------
demonfairy: Keep doing what you are doing,you sound like a wonderful father,the movie thing is no big deal,kids go threw stages,they will like one thing this week,some thing else next week...It sounds like to me that you need to set down with your kids and the mom if possible and explain to them that you both love them and its not there fault,that adults some times fall out of love with each other,but will also love there kids no matter what.Maybe set up a time for the mom to visit with them once in a while if possible...good luck
Not possible. I tried everything before she left. counceling was of no help. took her to see our pastor and she tolh him she feels hard inside and has to take her chances in the world outside. I brought in the bible cause i thought maybe she didn't know the importance of marriage and i pointed out the things that God has to say in it but she told me "in that case i will have to disappoint God because i'm not staying." even after she left, i tried calling her, sending beautiful texts on her phone but she said the texts help to push her away
------ This thread is Archived ------
Shell225: My daughter died her hair black at 13 and became a goth .. thankfully at 15 she went back to being a girl, and not everything in my home is black anymore we are now stuck on vampires. Talk to her about what she is viewing, discuss plots, characters actions, the good the bad of the movie, it will open communication between you both, and help 'de' violence the movie.
I hope I've helped, I think you are doing an incredible job... I have a worked with children in my role as a teacher
thanks, i understand all except the goth, i have no idea what that isI hope I've helped, I think you are doing an incredible job... I have a worked with children in my role as a teacher
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sampe1967: sorry, i just need to know where i'm going wrong with my children that they can love more than me a person who abondoned them
Just wondering if your hulk manifestations have anything to do with why your kids don't trust you enough to like you best........
You said a few days back........" Many times when i am depressed i become a super hero of HULK fuel by rage i get my way with what ever my problem is and i stay in it for a day or two and then my children call to me for their needs and i have to come back to reallity. while i am HULK or that SHERIF who flies around and just know where the crime is happening, i am calm and smiling but then my children can't bathe in the glory of any of it. "
So just wondering if your depression or rages might have anything to do with it?
------ This thread is Archived ------
GingerBe: Just wondering if your hulk manifestations have anything to do with why your kids don't trust you enough to like you best........
You said a few days back........" Many times when i am depressed i become a super hero of HULK fuel by rage i get my way with what ever my problem is and i stay in it for a day or two and then my children call to me for their needs and i have to come back to reallity. while i am HULK or that SHERIF who flies around and just know where the crime is happening, i am calm and smiling but then my children can't bathe in the glory of any of it. "
So just wondering if your depression or rages might have anything to do with it?
Note that was in my mind only, not acted out.You said a few days back........" Many times when i am depressed i become a super hero of HULK fuel by rage i get my way with what ever my problem is and i stay in it for a day or two and then my children call to me for their needs and i have to come back to reallity. while i am HULK or that SHERIF who flies around and just know where the crime is happening, i am calm and smiling but then my children can't bathe in the glory of any of it. "
So just wondering if your depression or rages might have anything to do with it?
------ This thread is Archived ------
Your daughter sounds like she is growing up fast as she is the female of the house. She is learning a sense of independence without her mother being there.
Your son feels insecure without his mom or another woman being there to nurture him in the way a mother can. When he goes to see his mother of course the feelings he has for her come back, but that does not change how much he loves you and needs you.
At his young age he may want you to meet someone to feel like a complete family. My granddaughter does that with me and she is almost 5 yrs., yet she has been on me since she was 3 yrs. old.
All we can do is be patient and loving as this may not go away.
Your son feels insecure without his mom or another woman being there to nurture him in the way a mother can. When he goes to see his mother of course the feelings he has for her come back, but that does not change how much he loves you and needs you.
At his young age he may want you to meet someone to feel like a complete family. My granddaughter does that with me and she is almost 5 yrs., yet she has been on me since she was 3 yrs. old.
All we can do is be patient and loving as this may not go away.
------ This thread is Archived ------
bestbefore: One of the best and wisest posts I have ever read in all the years on C.S. You are to be commended for your wisdom Shell.
WOW thank you so much for such lovely words
------ This thread is Archived ------
GingerBe: Sounds like something I'd have said to my kids too, in fun. One of my foster kids had her hair dyed 5 different colours when she came to me, and I used to refer to her as Ronald mc Donald.
I'd have not been able to help myself either. 
------ This thread is Archived ------
GingerBe: Just wondering if your hulk manifestations have anything to do with why your kids don't trust you enough to like you best........
You said a few days back........" Many times when i am depressed i become a super hero of HULK fuel by rage i get my way with what ever my problem is and i stay in it for a day or two and then my children call to me for their needs and i have to come back to reallity. while i am HULK or that SHERIF who flies around and just know where the crime is happening, i am calm and smiling but then my children can't bathe in the glory of any of it. "
So just wondering if your depression or rages might have anything to do with it?
this shouldn't be overlooked Ginger. I am not seen by them as whatever is in my mind in fact i am at my best then.You said a few days back........" Many times when i am depressed i become a super hero of HULK fuel by rage i get my way with what ever my problem is and i stay in it for a day or two and then my children call to me for their needs and i have to come back to reallity. while i am HULK or that SHERIF who flies around and just know where the crime is happening, i am calm and smiling but then my children can't bathe in the glory of any of it. "
So just wondering if your depression or rages might have anything to do with it?
------ This thread is Archived ------
Your wife left you and the children, there must be a period of transition from a two-parent to one-parent home. Always let the kids know you love them and their Mom loves them, no matter what happens, it does make them feel secure.
I think you are on the right track by taking an interest in both of them and being an active part of their life, which is providing them with the stability kids need and crave.
Your son is so young, he is confused by everything that's going on, he doesn't necessarily realize everything that's going on, but what he knows is that his Mom left and his Dad might be next...in the back of a child's mind being abandoned is a great fear when one parent bolts. Keep doing exactly what you're doing, it will help to have you accessible and returning his affections reinforces the bond w/ him.
Go to court and get a custody arrangement worked out and establish a regular schedule for visitation. Explain nicely to the ex that she is not welcome to come waltzing in and taking the kids without first prearranging it with you first.
Right now it's more about rebuilding your life, making your children feel secure and always doing what is in their best interests, which you seem to be doing a really good job of.
Perhaps, it would also be beneficial to take them to a child therapist for counseling and to give you insight as to what else might need to be worked on.
Good luck and I'll keep you and your kids in my prayers.
I think you are on the right track by taking an interest in both of them and being an active part of their life, which is providing them with the stability kids need and crave.
Your son is so young, he is confused by everything that's going on, he doesn't necessarily realize everything that's going on, but what he knows is that his Mom left and his Dad might be next...in the back of a child's mind being abandoned is a great fear when one parent bolts. Keep doing exactly what you're doing, it will help to have you accessible and returning his affections reinforces the bond w/ him.
Go to court and get a custody arrangement worked out and establish a regular schedule for visitation. Explain nicely to the ex that she is not welcome to come waltzing in and taking the kids without first prearranging it with you first.
Right now it's more about rebuilding your life, making your children feel secure and always doing what is in their best interests, which you seem to be doing a really good job of.
Perhaps, it would also be beneficial to take them to a child therapist for counseling and to give you insight as to what else might need to be worked on.
Good luck and I'll keep you and your kids in my prayers.
------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
who shaped your life?
Unions support Democrats!
See It All The Time
beauty of the heart
Have it both ways!
Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
Democrats destroyed America
Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
What happened to CS while i was away.. (Long time)
Kultur-multur
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Stats for this Thread
2,356 Views
37 Comments
Created: Oct 2010
Last Viewed: Apr 23
Last Commented: Feb 2011
0 Likes
Related Forums
- who shaped your life?
- Unions support Democrats!
- See It All The Time
- beauty of the heart
- Have it both ways!
- Gal / sdarlagg passed away on April 10, 2024
- Democrats destroyed America
- Karen McDougal - Playmate Model will testify in Hush Money Trial
- What happened to CS while i was away.. (Long time)
- Kultur-multur
am i stupid for feeling disappointed in hearing that?