Not Yet... ( Archived) (3)

I suppose this could have been posted in the "humor" forum, but since it's a poem and there don't seem to be much in the way of "light hearted poetry" ...Well... There ya' go!

I wrote this several years ago as a way to poke some good natured fun at a "serious" Cowboy Poetry site. I hope you enjoy!


Not Yet...

We 'uz bendin' elbows an' swappin' lies
Down at the Come On Inn,
Presidin' over us an' expoundin' facts
Was Encyclopedia Jim.

He was called "Encyclopedia" 'cause there just didn't seem to be
A single thing he didn't know.
He had a brain just crammed with knowledge...
An' he often told us so!

We'd tried to stump him from Mobeetie to Dodge,
An' tried to trick 'im a time or two -
But he 'uz just too smart for the likes of us!
(An' he often said that, too!)

So we paid close attention that evening
When this feller come walkin' in.
He looked around the bar room -
Then headed straight for Jim...

He looked like most any other cowpoke,
In his spurs an' boots an' chaps.
...Had a newspaper tucked up underneath one arm.
We thought; "He's a educated man, perhaps!"

Says he, "Well i-danged! Encylopedia Jim!
You just the one I been lookin' for!"
Jim said, "Well ya' found me - Whatcha' wanna' know?"
And the stranger's jaw dropped near to the floor!

He stammered, "H-how d-did you know I wanted to know..."
We all pushed in close to watch the show.
Jim says, "Well you wouldn't be lookin' for me
if'n ya' didn't have a question -
So go ahead an' ask... I'm bound to know!"

The cowpoke regained his composure and asked a question
That I never will forget!
Says he; "Encyclopdia Jim, can ya' tell me, Sir...
Where is a woman's yet?"

"WHAT?!!!" "A woman's yet, Y-E-T
Can ya' tell me where it's at?"
Well, Jim's eyebrows shot up so fast
He like to darn near lost his hat!

"Well of all the foolish..." The feller said, "I asked a civil question, Sir,
You promised me you'd know!
But if ya' don't, then just admit it,
An' I'll take my leave an' go."

Now Jim seen this feller was about as serious as...
Well... A cowpoke'd ever get.
Says he; "Mister, I don't know who you been talkin' to,
But women... They don't got no yet!"

"Why yes they do!" the man replied
"No, no they don't." Says Jim.
The feller looked around an' winked at us -
We just stared straight back at him.

"Why sure they do!" "Sure they don't!"
"Yes, by gosh they do!"
And "No they don't!!!" And back and forth,
Til Jim's face was turning blue!

And still, "By Gawd, they do!" and "By Gawd, they
don't!"
And even so forth, on an' on:
"Heck yeah!" "Heck no!" "Hell, yeah!" "HELL, NO!"
Til Jim's voice was nearly gone!

The stranger said, "I've got a fifty dollar bill,
If you'd care to make a bet!"
Jim says, "Friend, I'll tell ya' one last time -
A WOMAN DON'T GOT NO YET!"

"Just put yer money where yer ol' smart mouth is!"
The stranger there replied.
In one hand he clutched a fifty,
The other still held that newspaper at his side.

Jim stared straight ahead for ten long seconds,
Then dug his money out at last.
Says he; "Yer bet's covered - Now whar's yer proof?"
And the feller grinned! "I thought you'd never ask!"

He whupped that paper up and folded it out, says;
"Now, cast yer eyes on this!
You'll see a woman's got a Yet...
Tho' I still don't yet know where it is!!!"

Jim stared at the paper and shook his head.
His smile was soft and sad...
He layed his money on the bar, an' says;
"Boys - I know when I've been had!"

He shrugged into his duster,
And, as his eyes drooped to the floor,
Says he; "Congratulations, boys! Ya' finally done it!"
Then he sloped on out the door.

Well, we framed that newspaper and hung it where all could read
Them words I'll not forget...
The headline said simply: "YOUNG WOMAN Shot in her apartment..."
(..."And the bullet is in her yet!")


© 2001, Don McCrary (Hey, that's ME!)