Tall Tails - Having nothing to do with anyone with long legs. ( Archived) (17)

Tell a great big whopper!

My grandfather had a clock so old that the shadow from the pendelum wore a hole in the back of the clock.

I was in such a hurry the other day that when I turned around to go the other way I knocked myself down. I did'nt say I was sorry or even help myself up. I just kept going.
I think that was very rude of me.

In the 1940s my uncle who was a tightwad would buy cloth tea bags by the case. ( He loved tea ) Being a tightwad he would use the bags six times. He would dry the tea, grind it up and use it for snuff. He would save the sting to repair his pants. The bags he washed, unstiched, then ironed and starched. These he sold as table napkins to the little people that lived down the road.

My grandfather once lived in a small valley. The wind from the north could change quickly in tempature in the fall.
As he was fishing to put food on the table for supper a twig snapped under his feet. Bull frogs all around the pond jumped into the water.
At the same time a cold north wind came and froze the pond over solid with frogs legs sticking out of the ice.
He went hold and got his push mower. That day he cut down over 37 bushel baskets full of frog legs and the family had enough to last through the winter.

Plese note that any errors in my writings were placed in said writings purely for the pleasure of the person or persons that enjoy finding and pointing out said errors.

Enjoy!


Am I going to have do all of these?

we dont know how to tell tall tales in canada...at least not nearly as well as u southern guys...just aint the same without that cute accent

Two years ago I sat in by back yard and watched a fly.
Now this fly sat on the lawn mower handle and was looking at my baloney (Yankee = bologna) sandwich.
He flew down and ate some of my sandwich then flew back on to the handle.
The fly made repeated trips to the point that he was so full that he was barely able to fly.
With great effort the fly buzzed and buzzed trying to fly, barely making it back to the lawn mower handle.
He sat there for a long time. Totally exhausted the little fly had enough.
Sadly in his attempt to fly home the poor fly plunged to the ground. The poor fly busted wide open and died.

Many reading this can take the same great lesson from this as I did. "NEVER FLY OFF THE HANDLE WHEN YOUR FULL OF BALONEY". ( Yankee = bull )

I had a dog when I was little. He was a German Police dog.
My dog once ate a twenty dollar belonging to a wayward uncle of mine. (more about him another time)
In order to try to get my dog to pass the twenty my uncle gave my German Police dog Exlax.
In the passing of time everything passed but the twenty.
The next day my dog coughed up the twenty. My uncle picked
up the twenty and said "No wonder he would'nt pass it, it's counterfeit and he's a German Police dog"

That is the truest lie I ever told.