Does anyone know any good jokes? (23)
liverpool fc
theprowler: does any1 have any good jokes that i can dish out in the pub on sat night
i want real ones now.dont want to hear any"why did the chicken cross the road"ones
i want real ones now.dont want to hear any"why did the chicken cross the road"ones
How do ya cook a monkey?
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan smiles and says, "Bicycles."
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan smiles and says, "Bicycles."
irisheyes1978: How do ya cook a monkey?
how?
WadeWilson: Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan smiles and says, "Bicycles."
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan smiles and says, "Bicycles."
ive heard worsetheprowler: how?
You gorilla....
youtube ronnie corbett jokes
i always thought he made crap jokes brillant
hehehe
i was talking to the producer the other day
thats how you start a joke
i always thought he made crap jokes brillant
hehehe
i was talking to the producer the other day
thats how you start a joke
irisheyes1978: You gorilla....
did ye make4 that up yourself or did ye pull a xmas cracker?
theprowler: did ye make4 that up yourself or did ye pull a xmas cracker?
You grill it...
My 5 year old tell me them
irisheyes1978: You grill it...
My 5 year old tell me them
My 5 year old tell me them
In response to: does any1 have any good jokes that i can dish out in the pub on sat night
i want real ones now.dont want to hear any"why did the chicken cross the road"ones
i want real ones now.dont want to hear any"why did the chicken cross the road"ones
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job still sucks!
did you hear about the magic tractor? went down the road and turned into a feild
why did the chicken not cross the road?????
cos he was a chicken..
cos he was a chicken..
What do you call an Arab with a slice of ham on his head?
Hamed
What do you call an arab with two slices of ham on his head?
Mohammed
What do you call an Arab with two slices of ham on his head down an alley?
Mohammed Ali
Hamed
What do you call an arab with two slices of ham on his head?
Mohammed
What do you call an Arab with two slices of ham on his head down an alley?
Mohammed Ali
a blonde calls her boyfriend and says, please come over here and help me . i have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and i can't figure out how to get started, her boyfriend asks, what is it supposed to be when it's finished ? the blonde says, according to the picture on the box, it's a rooster, her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle, she lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table, he studies the pieces for a moment ,then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, first of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster ,'he takes her hand and says, second, i want you to relax, let's have a nice cup of tea, and then,,,he said with a deep sigh,... let's put all the corn flakes back in the box...
How do you stop a cat from spitting at you?
Turn the grill down!
Turn the grill down!
Why did the tiger get lost?
`cause jungle is MASSIVE
`cause jungle is MASSIVE
A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.
HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK..
BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MUMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T DONE IT YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS:
"IT WORKS ON THE TOMATO SAUCE BOTTLE!"
HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK..
BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE."
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MUMMY... I JUST HAVEN'T DONE IT YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"
BILLY SAYS:
"IT WORKS ON THE TOMATO SAUCE BOTTLE!"
A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69". "What the hell is that?" asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain,"I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine." Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again" she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks. The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy !!!"
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Created: Jul 2012
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i want real ones now.dont want to hear any"why did the chicken cross the road"ones