When to say "I love you" (63)
jono7: hiya purr
(needed some 'think' time...)
re: accusations and assumptions with no basis...i assume you mean no basis within the relationship. unfortunately i suspect there was some basis somewhere for the other person or the doubt (self doubt?) wouldn't be there.... assumptions.. a topic in itself.. lol in this case, you assumed correct.
seems to elude me as I haven’t a clue as to what it could have possibly been. thus my reasoning of no basis.
were you able to stay conscious that these were the other person's issues, and not a reflection of you or your relationship at the time?
for a period of time, yes. I made it a point to continue to tell “myself” try and work through their issue of them assuming things that aren’t happening or true. I’d simply point it out and they would say I’ll try not to do that anymore. but, it wouldn’t last very long. you know, it’s hard to develope something when someone sees something that simply isn’t there. no other way to put it. and so after a while, this pattern becomes frustrating. how long before one gives up???
were you able to identify ways to help the person be more present within your relationship?.. I would say their past would come up frequently. I accepted it. not a big deal except for the accusations and assumptions that caused ME “within our relationship” to FEEL like I was just a guy that would do them wrong like their previous S.O”s. this isn’t to say that we weren’t present because we were that as well. If I had to assign a ratio…. 6o% present to 40% past.
trust/love.....same thing me thinks. agree
i think most folks want to 'feel loved'. but building trust after a previous relationship may have damaged one's ability to trust again can take time even with our best intentions. and sometimes that lack of ability to trust doesn't rear itself till one is 'in' another significant relationship.
i think there are some things that remain dormant (distrust in remission...)... interesting way to put it... till one is in a position that requires they go deep into their feelings again. hopefully, focusing on the present with consciousness will help one to function in the present relationship less fettered by their past. on a good day, all it requires is a decision.... sounds easy lol
wouldn't it be grand if folks were able to perceive these previous hurts or losses as experience, contributing to more awareness of self and others, and view it as growth, and something positive... sure would
i am no poster child for mental health..that's for sure...
but i am extremely fortunate that i met someone with the patience of job that has been there to guide me as i work diligently to let go of the emotional quicksand of my past.
i am grateful every day as it hasn't been easy at times for either of us.... i wish you both the best and continued grow. give my regards to bb. i always enjoyed reading his threads and posts
i guess at the end of the day...
detach and observe one's own actions, and ask self...what is it i really want?... how about in addition to what one wants (one gets what they focus on..) forgot who i learned that from..lol and here... ... i do think actions speak louder than words.....
(like how i brought that back around?....) i do.. clever.. lol
thanks jono...(needed some 'think' time...)
re: accusations and assumptions with no basis...i assume you mean no basis within the relationship. unfortunately i suspect there was some basis somewhere for the other person or the doubt (self doubt?) wouldn't be there.... assumptions.. a topic in itself.. lol in this case, you assumed correct.
seems to elude me as I haven’t a clue as to what it could have possibly been. thus my reasoning of no basis.
were you able to stay conscious that these were the other person's issues, and not a reflection of you or your relationship at the time?
for a period of time, yes. I made it a point to continue to tell “myself” try and work through their issue of them assuming things that aren’t happening or true. I’d simply point it out and they would say I’ll try not to do that anymore. but, it wouldn’t last very long. you know, it’s hard to develope something when someone sees something that simply isn’t there. no other way to put it. and so after a while, this pattern becomes frustrating. how long before one gives up???
were you able to identify ways to help the person be more present within your relationship?.. I would say their past would come up frequently. I accepted it. not a big deal except for the accusations and assumptions that caused ME “within our relationship” to FEEL like I was just a guy that would do them wrong like their previous S.O”s. this isn’t to say that we weren’t present because we were that as well. If I had to assign a ratio…. 6o% present to 40% past.
trust/love.....same thing me thinks. agree
i think most folks want to 'feel loved'. but building trust after a previous relationship may have damaged one's ability to trust again can take time even with our best intentions. and sometimes that lack of ability to trust doesn't rear itself till one is 'in' another significant relationship.
i think there are some things that remain dormant (distrust in remission...)... interesting way to put it... till one is in a position that requires they go deep into their feelings again. hopefully, focusing on the present with consciousness will help one to function in the present relationship less fettered by their past. on a good day, all it requires is a decision.... sounds easy lol
wouldn't it be grand if folks were able to perceive these previous hurts or losses as experience, contributing to more awareness of self and others, and view it as growth, and something positive... sure would
i am no poster child for mental health..that's for sure...
but i am extremely fortunate that i met someone with the patience of job that has been there to guide me as i work diligently to let go of the emotional quicksand of my past.
i am grateful every day as it hasn't been easy at times for either of us.... i wish you both the best and continued grow. give my regards to bb. i always enjoyed reading his threads and posts
i guess at the end of the day...
detach and observe one's own actions, and ask self...what is it i really want?... how about in addition to what one wants (one gets what they focus on..) forgot who i learned that from..lol and here... ... i do think actions speak louder than words.....
(like how i brought that back around?....) i do.. clever.. lol
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"When to say i love you": When you honestly feel it. Duh.
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I hear what you’re saying. recently, in my experience, the love I gave was met with resistance in the form of serious negative accusations and assumptions with no basis. the more I tried to reassure this person by answering EVERY question they had it somehow was never enough as the very next day this pattern would repeat itself. its as if they were manufacturing problems as excuses to derail our growth.
that in a nutshell became our relationship.
it’s as if this person couldn’t or wouldn’t , not really sure which, believe that someone would want them as they are.
I think it wise to accept that no matter how much one says they’ve made piece with their past not all have. I just can’t understand why someone would seek a relationship surely knowing they have no intentions of receiving love.
hiya purr
(needed some 'think' time...)
re: accusations and assumptions with no basis...i assume you mean no basis within the relationship. unfortunately i suspect there was some basis somewhere for the other person or the doubt (self doubt?) wouldn't be there.
were you able to stay conscious that these were the other person's issues, and not a reflection of you or your relationship at the time?
were you able to identify ways to help the person be more present within your relationship?
trust/love.....same thing me thinks.
i think most folks want to 'feel loved'. but building trust after a previous relationship may have damaged one's ability to trust again can take time even with our best intentions. and sometimes that lack of ability to trust doesn't rear itself till one is 'in' another significant relationship.
i think there are some things that remain dormant (distrust in remission...) till one is in a position that requires they go deep into their feelings again. hopefully, focusing on the present with consciousness will help one to function in the present relationship less fettered by their past. on a good day, all it requires is a decision.
wouldn't it be grand if folks were able to perceive these previous hurts or losses as experience, contributing to more awareness of self and others, and view it as growth, and something positive.
i am no poster child for mental health..that's for sure...
but i am extremely fortunate that i met someone with the patience of job that has been there to guide me as i work diligently to let go of the emotional quicksand of my past.
i am grateful every day as it hasn't been easy at times for either of us.
i guess at the end of the day...
detach and observe one's own actions, and ask self...what is it i really want? and here...
(like how i brought that back around?....