kids ( Archived) (16)

Kids are quick
> >>>>TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
> >>>>MARIA: Here it is.
> >>>>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
> >>>>CLASS: Maria.
> >>>>__________________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
> >>>>FRANK: Because of the sign.
> >>>>TEACHER: What sign?
> >>>>FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
> >>>>_________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the
> >>>>floor?
> >>>>JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
> >>>>__________________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
> >>>>GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
> >>>>TEACHER: No, that's wrong
> >>>>GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
> >>>>_______________________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
> >>>>DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
> >>>>TEACHER: What are you talking about?
> >>>>DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
> >>>>__________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
> >>>>didn't
> >>
> >>>>have ten years ago.
> >>>>WINNIE: Me!
> >>>>__________________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
> >>>>GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
> >>>>_______________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
> >>>>MILLIE: I is...
> >>>>TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
> >>>>MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
> >>>>_________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's
> >>>>cherry
> >>>>tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why
his
> >>>>father didn't punish him?
> >>>>LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
> >>>>______________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before
> >>>>eating?
> >>>>SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
> >>>>______________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
> >>>>your brother's. Did you copy his?
> >>>>CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.
> >>>>___________________________________
> >>>>TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking
when
> >>>>people are no longer interested?
> >>>>HAROLD: A teacher.

Teacher & Johnny - LOL!


For all the olde smoothies out there.....


During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good
manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date--- having supper with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us
your good manners?"

"I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have
to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get
to meet after supper."

The teacher fainted.

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!



Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon
Student: The brain is a wonder full thing
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!



TEACHER : What is an island ?
Pupil : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side.
TEACHER :On one side ?
Pupil : Yes, on top !

TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round
Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so !

TEACHER : What shape is the world in?
Pupil : Rotten !

TEACHER : Why does you geography exam have a big zero over it.
Pupil : It's not a zero, the teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead !

TEACHER :What's you name ?
Class : Ravi
TEACHER : You should say "Sir"
Pupil : OK, Sir Ravi !

TEACHER : I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil : Life imprisonment !

TEACHER : Name four members of the cat family
Pupil : Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens !

TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon ?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night !

TEACHER : Ravi, can you find me Australia on the map please ?
Pupil :There it is
TEACHER : Now, Ravi, who discovered Australia ?
Pupil : I did !

Pupil : I wished we lived in the olden days
TEACHER : Why is that ?

TEACHER :What kind of birds do you find in captivity?
Pupil : Jailbirds !

TEACHER : What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil :Mice
TEACHER : Good, now what's the plural of baby ?
Pupil : Twins !

TEACHER : What's the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil : Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters !

TEACHER :: I despair, Ravi, how do you manage to get so many things wrong in a day ?
Pupil : Because I always get here early sir !

TEACHER : What do we do with crude oil ?
Pupil : Teach it some manners !


Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
He had a bee in his suit of armour !


Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!


If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first time!


Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

LMAO, Earl, oh my.

I happen to like the little Johnny jokes :)

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

he he he. I can't stop laughing, lol. Real good ones, Ray.

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

OMG, lol, so funny, Earl.

Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her.

She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.

"Nope."

"A Cake?"

Johnny shook his head No.

Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."

"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."