My ex wants shared custody!!! (52)
why do you choose french school for them
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I'm a French Canadian, am proud of my heritage, am giving my kids the benefits associated with being bilingual. In Canada it's an excellent asset to have, you have more opportunity, more options and tend to make more money when you speak both official languages.
It's a choice we made TOGETHER...he agreed to it before we had our children.
It's a choice we made TOGETHER...he agreed to it before we had our children.
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My question would be how stable will these children feel moving from one house to the other each week?
Personally, I wouldn't do it.
Personally, I wouldn't do it.
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personally i would not let him have shared custody unless he was gonna be spending the time he's got the kids .. with the kids.. expecially if you feel your daughter doesnt like the girlfriend.. but thats just my opinion.. now you could sit and talk to him about this and come up with an arrangement that suits you both .. such as he can have them on days off or something ..
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My late husband had that arrangement for his son and the poor kid felt like he never had a home. I'm against it for that reason. If he wants to see them more often, fine, but they need to know one place is their permanent home. Your issue of homework is also a valid one. I advise no.
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I have to agree with Dana...the children are far too young to be "forced"...and if he has to depend on his girlfriend to assist him, while you are available then i wouldn't say this is the best choice either...
What about him having them full time whenever they are not in school...would he agree to that? (In that case it may resolve some of the "school" issues he has)
Ultimately...you both have to do what is best for the children, and he may not like it...but that's just the way of things...let the children have a say...
What about him having them full time whenever they are not in school...would he agree to that? (In that case it may resolve some of the "school" issues he has)
Ultimately...you both have to do what is best for the children, and he may not like it...but that's just the way of things...let the children have a say...
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often our choices and what the law forces us to do are two different things. I would say the best thing is keep them in the stable environment you are providing them with out the chaos of changing places so often. Reserve weekend or every other weekend for the other parent.
Hope fully that is an option that is feasible.
Hope fully that is an option that is feasible.
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if they speak french and english then language should not be a barrier to his comuncating with them and he could help them in english
would improve their understanding of english with him and french with you
why does the little one hate the girlfriendso much is she truely desrving or does the little one have preconcieved notions from an influence given by someone else
would improve their understanding of english with him and french with you
why does the little one hate the girlfriendso much is she truely desrving or does the little one have preconcieved notions from an influence given by someone else
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i hope you do not take my questions as being in favor of either position
but these are things that may come up
but these are things that may come up
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I have never said anything about the girlfriend. The girlfriend calls my daugther a 'whinny, suck' more often than not- she's 3, so she whines!
The language issue is this: French school sends homework home in French, just like English school sends homework home in English...math is still math, but the explanation of what to do is in French...see what I'm saying?
There has never been any question that my children are well taken care of here & at his house. We both love them, but the stability is what's important I think?
Thanks everyone for posting, keep it up!
The language issue is this: French school sends homework home in French, just like English school sends homework home in English...math is still math, but the explanation of what to do is in French...see what I'm saying?
There has never been any question that my children are well taken care of here & at his house. We both love them, but the stability is what's important I think?
Thanks everyone for posting, keep it up!
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AH-HA!!!! THAT was EXACTLY my first thought...
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very good and to counter he could still pay and you could reimburse a % passed on time variance
that way after the deal is done if one is every reached he can not just stop paying and leave you without the support
he could get a french english translater and a scanner to over come the language or they could send it home in english
the deciesion for both languages is to benifit the child not make it easier on the parents by saying stay here it is easier
just a thought
but hey what do i know
that way after the deal is done if one is every reached he can not just stop paying and leave you without the support
he could get a french english translater and a scanner to over come the language or they could send it home in english
the deciesion for both languages is to benifit the child not make it easier on the parents by saying stay here it is easier
just a thought
but hey what do i know
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Bailey!!! Darling, how nice to see you back ... [hugs and kisses]
I would tell him no.
For the simple reason, that your children are settled.
It would disturb their routine. From what little I know of child-rearing, routine is the key to well balanced children.
It is a request that may need some consideration, however as although it is reasonable, the children's welfare has to come first.
Maybe let them go to him for the school holidays, or something like that.
But Im not sure its a good idea. Languages are sooo important ... I would not let the children lose that.
I have a French Canadian friend in the diving industry. He had the option of dropping French, and he says with hindsight, he is glad his mother wouldnt let him
I would tell him no.
For the simple reason, that your children are settled.
It would disturb their routine. From what little I know of child-rearing, routine is the key to well balanced children.
It is a request that may need some consideration, however as although it is reasonable, the children's welfare has to come first.
Maybe let them go to him for the school holidays, or something like that.
But Im not sure its a good idea. Languages are sooo important ... I would not let the children lose that.
I have a French Canadian friend in the diving industry. He had the option of dropping French, and he says with hindsight, he is glad his mother wouldnt let him
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I think this decision would be hard for any mother to make..
Is your ex a good father and loves his children? Is the girlfriend good to your children? Does he have any motives behind this? or does he just want them to be in his life more often?
I respect any dad who wants there children to be a part of there lives..
My ex would never of wanted his kids to interfere with his life.. My kids are older now, but they would of wanted to be with each of us, if he was willing..I think children need both parents equally, if it can be done..
My brother has a nine year old daughter.. He bought a house a block away from his ex wife. They have shared custody. The daughter stays with either parent at any given time. She usually stays more with her dad..Each parent is in a new relationship..The daughter has adjusted well since the divorce, but she knows how to play both sides, to get what she wants.
Is your ex a good father and loves his children? Is the girlfriend good to your children? Does he have any motives behind this? or does he just want them to be in his life more often?
I respect any dad who wants there children to be a part of there lives..
My ex would never of wanted his kids to interfere with his life.. My kids are older now, but they would of wanted to be with each of us, if he was willing..I think children need both parents equally, if it can be done..
My brother has a nine year old daughter.. He bought a house a block away from his ex wife. They have shared custody. The daughter stays with either parent at any given time. She usually stays more with her dad..Each parent is in a new relationship..The daughter has adjusted well since the divorce, but she knows how to play both sides, to get what she wants.
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You should also know he has a son from his first marriage who is 12 and he is not asking his mother for shared custody.
I'd never deny that he's a good dad-loves the kids...all 3 of them.
I'd never deny that he's a good dad-loves the kids...all 3 of them.
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You appear very selfish and a game player in my opinion.
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If shared is what he wants, then I would talk him into taking them on the schools off season, I think someone else may have said it too.
It's good though that your keep their dad in the picture. week to week would be to much hassle, not to mention a strain on the children. When I think of shared, I think 6 mths here, 6 mths there, not to mention you can both claim them on taxes, if taxes are the same up there.
It's good though that your keep their dad in the picture. week to week would be to much hassle, not to mention a strain on the children. When I think of shared, I think 6 mths here, 6 mths there, not to mention you can both claim them on taxes, if taxes are the same up there.
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Well if he wants shared custody then I suggest he take action to deal with the problems at hand...such as helping your son with his homework...He just can't not help him and refuse to participate in his school activities because it pisses him off...That says a bit about his maturity level to me...I would tell him it's dependant on what action he takes to rectify the problems at hand...IF none then no...You're sons schooling and kids well being is more important than shared custody!!!!!!!!
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I need your help, opinions, thoughts and experiences!
Last night totally out of the blue, my ex sends me an email saying that he wants me to think about giving him shared custody. One week with me, one week with him.
Some of you already know the details of my situation with the kids, but just to refresh everyone:
Our kids are almost 9 & 3 1/2, our son attends French school (his father is English & doesn't speak any French), and our daughter starts French school in September. Currently he picks them up after school (daycare) on the week when he's on days and then has them for that weekend, the next week he's on afternoons & they're with me 100%.
He now thinks it would be good for him to have them on the week that he's on days (his girlfriend would get up with the kids & get them ready then drop them off at school in the morning and he would pick them up at night).
My primary objection is that our son is now in grade 3- his homework is getting more & more difficult, his father doesn't speak (read or write) a word of French and can't help him with his homework. Our daughter starts school soon and will need help with 'stuff'. He doesn't presently attend any school activities because he doesn't speak the language and gets pissy if the teacher speaks French to him...he won't even go skating with the class because it annoys him. Secondly, I am available to the kids 100% of the time, I work from home, M-F 8-430, I can get them to & from school without any difficulty... My daughter does not like my ex's girlfriend, or it seems that way- she constantly says to me: Mommy, am I going home with you now? My kids are well adjusted, fabulous kids- (if I say so myself), they've adapted to an already difficult situation- why change things now?
I want to know your thoughts- Have you encountered this sort of situation before? What did you do? Do you have shared custody? Does it work for you?