One for the Ladies. (Sorry men, you were warned) ( Archived) (5)

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" 'It depends"< I replied. What does it say on your shirt?
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies I'll miss you..."

It's just too hot to wear clothes today, "Jack said as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

What do you call an intelligent, good looking , sensitive man?
A rumor.

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh..immediately he turned ninety!!!!! Gotta love that fairy.

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man: Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death, AMEN.

Why do little boys whine?
They are practicing to be men.

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

Beautiful! Just beautiful and true in most cases!

I do not whistle in the toilets...