so many kids so little time? (18)
txangelfairfield, USA13 Threads 422 PostsOk here's the deal : why is it that just because you have more than 2 kids in a period of 4 years people assume you have nothing but time on your hands? I have 3 wonderful kids just because they were all born from 2001-04 doesnt mean i dont have other things to do .. there are reasons why i have the number of kids i do in the amount of time i had them in..the kids i enjoy how i got them could be better..anyone with any insights i would love some feedback on this....
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I don't get it.
Cause you have 3 kids people thing you have nothing but time on your hands?
I have two and barely have time to pee.
But then when you do have time, you just make more kids. It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya.
Cause you have 3 kids people thing you have nothing but time on your hands?
I have two and barely have time to pee.
But then when you do have time, you just make more kids. It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya.
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I don't have any kids but i can relate because of my nephews.... there is no time someone is always thursty or hungry, you play to teach you learn.... you go and go and go and go and go and go
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i agree with ya there crash. thanks for the encouragement all us single parents need it from time to time :)
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I had my three kids when I was between 19-23. By 25 I was a divorced father with full custody raising 2, 4, and 6 yr olds - and I did that alone for several years until their mother came back into the picture.
As a matter of fact, shortly after I divorced one of my best friends divorced and he was granted full custody of his three kids as well; he and I ended up splitting parenting duties - I watched his kids when he worked or needed time to himself, and visa versa.
As far as social stigmas; I guess it's different for men and women as I never encountered any negativism over it. Most ppl that found out I was raising three on my own freaked out a bit as it wasn't that common then I suppose, but I still found dates, and still ended up finding someone special and remarrying within five years.
So as far as being young and being a custodial parent of children, you can raise your kids and still find time to do other things if you choose to...you just have to step out of the box and make that decision.
As a matter of fact, shortly after I divorced one of my best friends divorced and he was granted full custody of his three kids as well; he and I ended up splitting parenting duties - I watched his kids when he worked or needed time to himself, and visa versa.
As far as social stigmas; I guess it's different for men and women as I never encountered any negativism over it. Most ppl that found out I was raising three on my own freaked out a bit as it wasn't that common then I suppose, but I still found dates, and still ended up finding someone special and remarrying within five years.
So as far as being young and being a custodial parent of children, you can raise your kids and still find time to do other things if you choose to...you just have to step out of the box and make that decision.
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This is a generalization, so it's not directed at you, even though I quote your post here, nikita...
I don't know any guy who said, "when I grow up I wanna be a deadbeat dad".
I don't know any guy who said, "if I knock this chick up I'll be a rockstar!"
Yes, you're right that it takes two to tango - sure, he chose not to use protection, just as you chose not to use it (although there are cases obviously where it fails).
Whatever happens, regardless of the situation, if you want that other parent in the childrens lives and to live up to their responsiblities, NEVER call them a loser, deadbeat, or a piece of crap to their face. NEVER call them a loser, deadbeat, or a piece of crap in front of your kids. Even if you think they are, even if you don't care if the world knows you slept with a loser, deadbeat, or piece of crap, NEVER let those words fall out of your mouth.
I don't know any guy who said, "when I grow up I wanna be a deadbeat dad".
I don't know any guy who said, "if I knock this chick up I'll be a rockstar!"
Yes, you're right that it takes two to tango - sure, he chose not to use protection, just as you chose not to use it (although there are cases obviously where it fails).
Whatever happens, regardless of the situation, if you want that other parent in the childrens lives and to live up to their responsiblities, NEVER call them a loser, deadbeat, or a piece of crap to their face. NEVER call them a loser, deadbeat, or a piece of crap in front of your kids. Even if you think they are, even if you don't care if the world knows you slept with a loser, deadbeat, or piece of crap, NEVER let those words fall out of your mouth.
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Well I comend you on raising your three and finding time to have a personal life i for one know how hard that is. And as far as calling my ex a dead beat infront of the kids i don't need to they figured that out on there own at least the one has and the other will in time. There are some guys out there that truely do deserve that title and thats not being bitter thats just reality. And then there are some like yourself that definetly step up and care for there children and that is how it should be for both men and women i think.And yes your right it is possible to find time to date and there are genine people out there its just a matter of finding the right person that clicks not just with you but with your kids because reality of having a relationship with a single parent is the ready made family package deal.
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darn my cordless keyboard that should say genuine not gennie lol
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Anarqi, you rock.
Regarding "deadbeat parents", and nikita (sp) this is in no way directed at you, the piss poor attitudes and bitterness some women carry create this situation. A lot of parents aren't given a fighting chance in hell of becoming parental for being kicked in the proverbial face. Especially if the Momma is ticked off over an unwanted pregnancy.
Yes, then there are the true creeps. I simply tell my kids that Dad's busy, change the subject and move on. They're young enough that I can pull off the out of sight, out of mind thing and keep them busy.
Time to date when you have children, yes and no. My sweetpea and I have yet to "go out", but we have a ball hanging out with the kids during the day, then the kiddos eventually have a bedtime. (When I force them to crawl outta his azzzz) More relaxing that way anyway, and he gets a loud, proud and in your face look at a "day in the life". Lucky me. :)
Regarding "deadbeat parents", and nikita (sp) this is in no way directed at you, the piss poor attitudes and bitterness some women carry create this situation. A lot of parents aren't given a fighting chance in hell of becoming parental for being kicked in the proverbial face. Especially if the Momma is ticked off over an unwanted pregnancy.
Yes, then there are the true creeps. I simply tell my kids that Dad's busy, change the subject and move on. They're young enough that I can pull off the out of sight, out of mind thing and keep them busy.
Time to date when you have children, yes and no. My sweetpea and I have yet to "go out", but we have a ball hanging out with the kids during the day, then the kiddos eventually have a bedtime. (When I force them to crawl outta his azzzz) More relaxing that way anyway, and he gets a loud, proud and in your face look at a "day in the life". Lucky me. :)
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Sweetpea...awww thats so cute!
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It is gaggy but I'm so Jealous...good on ya girl!
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well i guess you are lucky out of sight out of mind, I wish that was so easy for my kids. My five year old used to sit for hours looking out the window waiting for her dad because he would phone and say he was coming. Nothing i could do would pull her away from that window. And it broke my heart everytime I had to drag her away from that window crying because her dad really wasn't going to come. She realised on her own one day that she could not believe her dad. I thank god that i have some good male role models around for my kids ie uncles grandparents and friends to set a positive example for them. Personally i think a good loving parent can do a great job of raising there kids with out the other parent in the picture and without bad mouthing the other parent infront of the children.
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If your kids are that young, they have no concept of time. Kids at that age know what 'school days' are; I highly doubt they even recognize weekends for what they are.
Have a bag always packed, and always out of sight of them...just put a change of clothes or whatnots in a duffle bag for them.
If your childrens father calls and says "I'm on my way" - don't tell the kids. If he shows, he shows, they'll be excited to see him, and you can scoot them off almost immediately. Otherwise it's just another weekend with mom, and they'll be none the wiser.
No harm to them, no endless waiting by the window. Too many parents make that mistake, and then the parent has to endure the torture of watching their kid go thru that, and try to explain what isn't their issue in the first place.
Have a bag always packed, and always out of sight of them...just put a change of clothes or whatnots in a duffle bag for them.
If your childrens father calls and says "I'm on my way" - don't tell the kids. If he shows, he shows, they'll be excited to see him, and you can scoot them off almost immediately. Otherwise it's just another weekend with mom, and they'll be none the wiser.
No harm to them, no endless waiting by the window. Too many parents make that mistake, and then the parent has to endure the torture of watching their kid go thru that, and try to explain what isn't their issue in the first place.
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Gonna air dirty laundry for a minute on this subject to get some feedback on something that's eating my lunch.
Daddy has been MIA for 6 months, no call, money, email, notta. Decided to call on her 6th birthday as guests were beginning to arrive for festivities. She's a sensitive child and was through the roof excited, having a grand time. I refused to let him talk to her and mess with her head on her big day. We had a private phone battle in the back room and everyone was none the wiser.
Right or wrong? Should I have let him speak to her after 6 months of absense and a house full of guests?
Daddy has been MIA for 6 months, no call, money, email, notta. Decided to call on her 6th birthday as guests were beginning to arrive for festivities. She's a sensitive child and was through the roof excited, having a grand time. I refused to let him talk to her and mess with her head on her big day. We had a private phone battle in the back room and everyone was none the wiser.
Right or wrong? Should I have let him speak to her after 6 months of absense and a house full of guests?
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i sure wouldnt have. but that s me..i've told my daughter's dad or the one that was around as a father figure anyway..that if he didnt call or come by like he promises her then he gets to tell her the truth why ..not me..i'm not cleanin up his mess and that if he wants to go months with out talking to her then i'm not gonna just let him when he thinks its convienet..
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Oh good.
And in my defense, I will add that I told him through gritted teeth that I would be more than happy to let him talk to the babies every ding dong day if he were consistant. To which he replied, her birthday will come once a year.
pllllllllllllllllllth
Guess we'll have the same conversation once a year then.
And in my defense, I will add that I told him through gritted teeth that I would be more than happy to let him talk to the babies every ding dong day if he were consistant. To which he replied, her birthday will come once a year.
pllllllllllllllllllth
Guess we'll have the same conversation once a year then.
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i agree crash let him have his phone call because eventually like my girls they figure it out for themselves. MY ex calls maybe three times a year if there lucky now, because last time he called i told him he wasn't to make or break promises to the girls. Its one thing to lie to a adult but never to a child. they get there hopes up way to easily. my 5 year old is smart as a wip and like i said she figured it out he lied so many times to her about actually showing up that one day i told her to go clean her room before daddy got her she turned around and told me well maybe he will maybe he wont . she knows. And he never did show up that so she stopped hopeing in him even at five now i think that is very sad.kids figure out for themselves whats going on we as the responsible parents don't need to say a thing to them about it they figure it out for themselves eventually.
crash i feel for you because I have been through that, my ex has done the same thing with me and my kids and it is heart breaking
crash i feel for you because I have been through that, my ex has done the same thing with me and my kids and it is heart breaking
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first to all of you single mothers out there,you have all of my respect for you have been doing this since the beginning of mankind.now i will let this sink in cause during the last 12 years i have not heard of anyone knowing this.but seeing is believing.in 1993 i was giving full custody of my 5 children at the time in the state of florida it was unheard of nor seen.it was sit up for the woman to get custody of the children and for the man to pay child support.i could not even find a lawyer would was willing to take my case,for they knew they will lose.if a lawyer has a reputation of losing than they will not get any more business,they knew if word got out,it will be in the newspaper and winning or losing everyone will know what happen.no lawyer wanted to take a chance on finding out what will happen in the end.i found a lawyer to take my case and when i first met her she said she was going to be honest with me.that i have a 50-50 chance of losing the case not winning cause there is no chance in hell i would win.she only took the case cause i would not stop bugging her nor would i give up.i knew what i was doing was right,i felt just because my ex wife wanted someone else i had to do with out my children,when i did not do anything wrong to lose them.believe me all of you single mothers at their you have all of my respect and you will have it forever.trust me i do know what you are going through,i know how hard it can be sometimes and yes sometimes you do want to give up but in your heart you know you cannot give up.when times gets tough and you do not think you can go on.1 of your children will come up and give you a hug and say i love you mommie,through their love for you gives you the strength to go on.yes there are 24 hours in a day and some people do not understand when you have children it is not enough time to do all of the things you want to do.dealing with children by yourself is the hardest thing you can do,but when the day is over 1 by 1 the come up and give you a hug and say i love you mommie right than you know it is worth it.
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Created: Jan 2006
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