Why am I being persecuted. (Rant) (22)
It certainly sounds as though you are going through the mill somewhat at the moment, Andrew. I am not au fait with the laws over there but we have a Citizens Bureau in each town here in the UK for all manner of help and advice, including legal. Do you have something akin to that over there whereby you can go for some guidance on your situation?? 
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if its 50/50 care, dog,,why does she want paid for her 50 of caring for son,,surely it works,,out,that ye are both caring for him,,,so why the paymnet?------ This thread is Archived ------
no - its bloody well not fair
I really find it hard to believe that a pre-calculated equation is the answer to the formula of life - agreeing whats needed on an individual basis - through the courts if need be - but it is still between the famliy concerned
i was lucky in 1994 - I got my then girlfriend to agree to a seperation and fortunately, started contracting in IT which allowed me to pay for it all her rent plus maintenance for my son and daughter - over 800pnds / mnth
It was only when my daughter decided to live with me that my ex (who was married by then!!!) decide to be difficult - but, because we were never married and i lived outside the UK, there was nothing she could do about it!!
Now i have much less income compared to then and have reduced my sons maintenance again she complains - its al about the moey in the end my friend
Thats my feelng anyway
I really find it hard to believe that a pre-calculated equation is the answer to the formula of life - agreeing whats needed on an individual basis - through the courts if need be - but it is still between the famliy concerned
i was lucky in 1994 - I got my then girlfriend to agree to a seperation and fortunately, started contracting in IT which allowed me to pay for it all her rent plus maintenance for my son and daughter - over 800pnds / mnth
It was only when my daughter decided to live with me that my ex (who was married by then!!!) decide to be difficult - but, because we were never married and i lived outside the UK, there was nothing she could do about it!!
Now i have much less income compared to then and have reduced my sons maintenance again she complains - its al about the moey in the end my friend
Thats my feelng anyway
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Its funny sometimes,,when it boils down to all that with x,s.I know when i separated,,,and to this day,i never got a penny of my x husband,,and wud,nt even take it,if was offered to me,,,as my motto was wotever i done for my kids,,i wud do myself,,and which i done, for 13 yrs now,,and they have never wanted for anything.and i,m proud to think,,i done it myself.
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sorry ur going through this,,its terrible,when it gets messy like this,,like ur x playing games to get to you,becoz of custody proceedings.i hope it all works out for u dragon.------ This thread is Archived ------
I have no desire to hijack your thread..maybe I am..I dont know..
Anyway, my rant is..why do these woman do this to men..it makes me furious as, at the end of the day if the care is 50/50 the costs should be 50/50..not taking the men to the bloody cleaners.
These flippin women make my blood boil, for they make life harder, for those of us who have decency, and prefer to have the father in the child's life for the child, not for the financial gain.
I have brought my child up without financial support even though his father earns considerable more than me, and I am not taking the high road morally,or being a matyr either, I just dont see the point in wrangling over money, when my childs emotional welfare is worth more than money can buy..
Anyway, my rant is..why do these woman do this to men..it makes me furious as, at the end of the day if the care is 50/50 the costs should be 50/50..not taking the men to the bloody cleaners.
These flippin women make my blood boil, for they make life harder, for those of us who have decency, and prefer to have the father in the child's life for the child, not for the financial gain.
I have brought my child up without financial support even though his father earns considerable more than me, and I am not taking the high road morally,or being a matyr either, I just dont see the point in wrangling over money, when my childs emotional welfare is worth more than money can buy..
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my views to maggie------ This thread is Archived ------
I am not sure what to advise you in that case, Andrew. Especially as I am not familiar with the laws there, as I said. Other than getting another part-time job to earn some extra money (and I know you shouldn't have too, of course, and I know you will be knackered) but if you have any spare bedrooms in your house, could you not take in a lodger/s for extra income?? Not ideal but maybe a means to an end, just as a temporary measure, of course??
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Because my wife does not want 50/50 care. She is prepared to let me see my son but she wants full control of him and to be able to call the shots.
If I back away from the 50/50 care or the full custody she will cancel her claim with the Taxman. As you said in your other post.
You were prepared to go on your own.
My wife is the same. We had an understanding that I would willingly pay half my sons costs. But she never asked me once. And when asked why she told to stick my money.
But because I am now challenging for equal custodianship/care of my son she is playing as dirty as she can to keep control of our son.
I know the real loser is my son. And I am afraid this will get nastier before it gets settled. For if I lose my house I will be a very negative human being. I have three weeks more to endure until round 1.: I cross my fingers that one round is all that is needed.
If I back away from the 50/50 care or the full custody she will cancel her claim with the Taxman. As you said in your other post.
You were prepared to go on your own.
My wife is the same. We had an understanding that I would willingly pay half my sons costs. But she never asked me once. And when asked why she told to stick my money.
But because I am now challenging for equal custodianship/care of my son she is playing as dirty as she can to keep control of our son.
I know the real loser is my son. And I am afraid this will get nastier before it gets settled. For if I lose my house I will be a very negative human being. I have three weeks more to endure until round 1.: I cross my fingers that one round is all that is needed.
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wot age is your son andrew?
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My son is 11.
And how he feels. I don't really know. He ums and ahs and avoids the question. But I have discerned that he does not wish to be forced to chose between parents in a full custody case. Hence I am accepting to do week on week off or a variation of that.
The boy is smart he is aware of each side's arguments and is currently doing his utmost to please both parents.
It is sad to contemplate and wished it was different.
And how he feels. I don't really know. He ums and ahs and avoids the question. But I have discerned that he does not wish to be forced to chose between parents in a full custody case. Hence I am accepting to do week on week off or a variation of that.
The boy is smart he is aware of each side's arguments and is currently doing his utmost to please both parents.
It is sad to contemplate and wished it was different.
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god - i was like that when my parents split op - my father asking me what i wanted - i just laughed at him
It was so nervous - i had no clue how to express my feelings then - still dont now actually!!
It was so nervous - i had no clue how to express my feelings then - still dont now actually!!
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You don't have to be a people's person, you are not entertaining them, its only accommodation!! And you do interview them all before you decide. If you are not entirely comfortable about choosing someone you can trust, perhaps get a friend to sit in with you, if you have a female friend and trust her intuition? You will need to seek references from them, of course, and make sure you check them out. Advertise in the newspaper and put ads up in shops that have a "noticeboard" type of arrangement?
You could always try to attract employees from some of the larger, more reputable organisations local to you, i.e. IBM, say. They would frown upon any of their employees not abiding by obligating such payments as rent to a landlord.
Yes, you will need to charge for the bills, not just the room. But they would take care of their food themselves.
Any help??
You could always try to attract employees from some of the larger, more reputable organisations local to you, i.e. IBM, say. They would frown upon any of their employees not abiding by obligating such payments as rent to a landlord.
Yes, you will need to charge for the bills, not just the room. But they would take care of their food themselves.
Any help??
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Turkish I understand where your coming from and am behind you 100%.
But in this case I have in truth inflicted this upon myself. If I had left it as the status quo, effectively giving up my rights to what happens to my son in his daily life.
I doubt whether she'd even consult me on what school my son went to. I wouldn't be being hassled by the Taxman.
But because I have pushed For shared access of my son on my terms not hers She is now fighting tooth and nail to keep control of our son and she knows I am weakest financially.
I am afraid it is the money or my son. I am choosing my son but I could be losing my house.
But in this case I have in truth inflicted this upon myself. If I had left it as the status quo, effectively giving up my rights to what happens to my son in his daily life.
I doubt whether she'd even consult me on what school my son went to. I wouldn't be being hassled by the Taxman.
But because I have pushed For shared access of my son on my terms not hers She is now fighting tooth and nail to keep control of our son and she knows I am weakest financially.
I am afraid it is the money or my son. I am choosing my son but I could be losing my house.
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Yes thanks Alison. I will remember to get a second opinion. I do have a female friend and I'm sure she will help me vet proposals.
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Is it possible to get a mediator involved before this gets completely out of hand?
Given what you have stated about your situaton, she seems very angry at you..is there no possibility of you sitting down together and talking this all through?
I am not sure about how the system works in your country , but here, when there is acrimony regarding visitation, a parent can contact social services to arrange contact with the child, and the child's welfare can be monitored while the parents are going through troubled times..it can also provide you with an allie , should your parenting be brought into question when you go to court for access
Given what you have stated about your situaton, she seems very angry at you..is there no possibility of you sitting down together and talking this all through?
I am not sure about how the system works in your country , but here, when there is acrimony regarding visitation, a parent can contact social services to arrange contact with the child, and the child's welfare can be monitored while the parents are going through troubled times..it can also provide you with an allie , should your parenting be brought into question when you go to court for access
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Also, if you do get students, check them out with the their head of dept at the Uni. I remember when I worked at the Uni, if any student did not pay his/her dues whether it be for the typing of their thesis or rent, etc they did not get their dissertations graded and passed - those were hard and fast rules but check to see if its the same where you are.
Good luck to you, Andrew. If there is anything else you are not clear on, just shout, yeah?
Good luck to you, Andrew. If there is anything else you are not clear on, just shout, yeah?
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Noone expects you to be an angel, Andrew, none of us are! But do you think there may be a lesson or two here? Like, perhaps, try to be an easier person to live with? And probably best not to announce to everyone you are not an easy person to live with on a dating site?? You're not gonna get much interest by doing that, are ya?
Just a thought..........
Just a thought..........
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True Alison but then For a long while still to come I'm only here to talk to people.
I am not ready to seek out dating opportunities. Yet yes this is why I came here. I have since learnt that my budget is so tight and my ideals so set,Like that a guy pays, Makes it impossible for me to seek dates.
I know I only me to blame.
As for lesson. Yes I know what might of my saved my marriage and I know what I need to change. I have taken steps but I also see myself taking side steps. One can't ask for help from others unless one is ready to help oneself. I am not ready to help myself but it was good to rant in a public forum. Another year or so in self indulgence and woe is me and then I may be ready to move on.
You know in the beginning I was told by everyone that reached out that it takes time. They told me give it a couple of years.
Most of you on CS have been Single more than 3 years. I am still a puppy, It hasn't even been 18 months yet.
Yes I ignored them all and went out and tried again. Yet no one saw past the first date. Money i had none where could i take them. Also I had no phone so couldn't just ring and talk. Lastly I was so fearful of meeting someone else I sought as many excuses as i could to make it as hard as possible for them to contact me or me them.
This is not strictly so. I did meet one very nice lady we met a couple of times. But was unsure how she felt about my finances and whether she understood. But then she cancelled on me twice. The first time I think because of a reaction from her son. The second she cancelled a dinner date I'd made. No excuse given except something came up. I left further contact in her court. None was forthcoming.
Yet i am happier on my own. Yes as we all know it gets lonely but I still prefer it on my own. Life is great in the weekends with just me and my son. He just complets my life and gives it purpose. We talk about boys things like sport & video games. Tricks on bikes and what him and his mates are playing at school. Like me my son can pass through the whole section of school and fit in with all groups.
Although with my son it is due to his sporting capabilities that he gets accepted by the older kids and the playground toughs.
With me it was having the right friends. Two of my mates had that sporting abilty. My nature got me everywhere else. You know that Knuckle Bones is again cool to play. Well apparently it is here.
Life will be good again one day. One Day I will be ready on all levels to try again. But for now I am just here to talk.
I am not ready to seek out dating opportunities. Yet yes this is why I came here. I have since learnt that my budget is so tight and my ideals so set,Like that a guy pays, Makes it impossible for me to seek dates.
I know I only me to blame.
As for lesson. Yes I know what might of my saved my marriage and I know what I need to change. I have taken steps but I also see myself taking side steps. One can't ask for help from others unless one is ready to help oneself. I am not ready to help myself but it was good to rant in a public forum. Another year or so in self indulgence and woe is me and then I may be ready to move on.
You know in the beginning I was told by everyone that reached out that it takes time. They told me give it a couple of years.
Most of you on CS have been Single more than 3 years. I am still a puppy, It hasn't even been 18 months yet.
Yes I ignored them all and went out and tried again. Yet no one saw past the first date. Money i had none where could i take them. Also I had no phone so couldn't just ring and talk. Lastly I was so fearful of meeting someone else I sought as many excuses as i could to make it as hard as possible for them to contact me or me them.
This is not strictly so. I did meet one very nice lady we met a couple of times. But was unsure how she felt about my finances and whether she understood. But then she cancelled on me twice. The first time I think because of a reaction from her son. The second she cancelled a dinner date I'd made. No excuse given except something came up. I left further contact in her court. None was forthcoming.
Yet i am happier on my own. Yes as we all know it gets lonely but I still prefer it on my own. Life is great in the weekends with just me and my son. He just complets my life and gives it purpose. We talk about boys things like sport & video games. Tricks on bikes and what him and his mates are playing at school. Like me my son can pass through the whole section of school and fit in with all groups.
Although with my son it is due to his sporting capabilities that he gets accepted by the older kids and the playground toughs.
With me it was having the right friends. Two of my mates had that sporting abilty. My nature got me everywhere else. You know that Knuckle Bones is again cool to play. Well apparently it is here.
Life will be good again one day. One Day I will be ready on all levels to try again. But for now I am just here to talk.
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I didn't take my son initially as it was suppose to be a short term breather allowing her to regather her thoughts and and decide on the direction she wanted.
Fine I didn't give her that space to think. I pressurised looking to talk and communicate. I got told to shove off its over. I still didn't take my son as i didn't want to upset situation further and hoped for reconciliation. I saw my son every weekend.
Now I have accepted its over and i want my son. Yes I will accept shared custody but I want it in writing.
I never walked away from my son and I never said I wouldn't lokk after him. I was kicked out and she would of fought me with every ounce of her body if I'd tried to take my son physically. I have him every weekend even though it means my sport and social activities don't exist due to my son. He still comes first to me.
So why am i being penalised. The Taxman wants $400 a month to pay her child support. I can't afford this it means loosing my house that I went out and bought after our break up, & leaving both me and my son homeless. Why do I have to pay for something I'm willing to do. Why is she entitled to say she is Primary Carer when custody of our Son and possesions of the house have never been settled; Are still in dispute. She only went to the Taxman to spite me for going 50/50 care of my son.
ITS NOT FAIR.